Husband encourages dangerous play - Page 6

[Fuamami]

I'm also going to chime in and agree with the OP that this sounds crazy.

I have pushed many, many 3 yos in swings. And many times they have gotten distracted and let go mid-swing. My dh used to push our kids as high as our swingset would allow, which is probably about 8-10 feet, until my ds1, who was 4.5 at the time, let go mid-air. Luckily, he was just very bruised and scratched, and dh stopped doing it.

Maybe you can look at your dynamic of being overly cautious, attempt to be more trusting of your dh, honor his need to be less protective than his own father, and then tell him that you are not going to budge on the swing, and that you're ready to cut it down.

[rubidoux]

I would not be able to handle seeing my dh do that. And I am the less cautious one here. But that is way out of my comfort zone.

It's funny that your dh has reacted to his father's over-protectiveness this way. My dh had a super-over protective mother and has become super-over protective himself. It really makes me crazy sometimes, but maybe I should count my blessings. At least I have no fears that the kids will get hurt with him.

I vote for cutting the swing down.

[Mountaingirl79]

Okay so I thought long and hard about posting this, because it is sensitive subject matter....but if it helps then I want to put it out there...

Not long ago, my 35 year old friend fell out of his second story window onto the concrete sidewalk below, fell 18 feet, trying to shut his stuck window, and died on the scene from his injuries. His name was Gregory Denisowski and you can google him to show your dh the story...a 12 foot fall is not that different from an 18 foot fall, IMO)

Hope you guys can come to a compromise on this. I dont think you are being overprotective on this one. Yes, children fall and get hurt, but a 12 foot fall can result in much BIGGER injuries than just a few stitches.

So sorry of I alarmed you. I just want to tell you my experience....

[lolar2]

Any updates, OP?

[gcgirl]

Originally Posted by Mountaingirl79

Okay so I thought long and hard about posting this, because it is sensitive subject matter....but if it helps then I want to put it out there...

Not long ago, my 35 year old friend fell out of his second story window onto the concrete sidewalk below, fell 18 feet, trying to shut his stuck window, and died on the scene from his injuries. His name was Gregory Denisowski and you can google him to show your dh the story...a 12 foot fall is not that different from an 18 foot fall, IMO)

Hope you guys can come to a compromise on this. I dont think you are being overprotective on this one. Yes, children fall and get hurt, but a 12 foot fall can result in much BIGGER injuries than just a few stitches.

So sorry of I alarmed you. I just want to tell you my experience....

[pumpkin]

I watched my friend fly off the swing and land face-first on the concrete when we were 4. She broke her nose. My parents took down the swing the next day. I guess it made me a little skittish because I would not be ok with what your husband is doing. It would be different if the swing were completely surrounded by grass or other relatively soft ground. Concrete or pavement in conjunction with a swing scares the crap out of me.

[fresh_veggie]

Originally Posted by GoBecGo

IF he took it too far and IF she hurt herself that lesson is going to be way better for both of them than you just talking about it, no?

Haven't read the rest of the posts - but from what the OP said, if she falls 12-15 feet with force and momentum over CONCRETE she's going to be dead. What kind of a lesson is that, and how in the world would that make it worth it??

[Earthy Mama]

Originally Posted by fresh_veggie

Haven't read the rest of the posts - but from what the OP said, if she falls 12-15 feet with force and momentum over CONCRETE she's going to be dead. What kind of a lesson is that, and how in the world would that make it worth it??

Exactly.

[oursweetboys]

I consider myself to be pretty laid back and am all for letting kids be kids. However, we as adults have the benefits of knowledge and life experience to help us assess risk. Young children do not so we have to intervene sometimes. There are plenty of other ways for Daddy to have fun with his daughter without risking a head injury.

Originally Posted by MissLotus

I don't think that just because the kid likes it means it's okay for her. I'm wagering that if she's never been severly injured before, she doesn't know what could happen if she fell. She's 3! So I don't know about her "knowing her own limits", etc.

Pushing her on a swing is fine. Pushing a 3-yr-old so high that if she fell onto the concrete, serious damage would happen = not okay. It's too much. Just because he's her father does not mean he's exercising good judgement!

I find it concerning that he's not listening to you, OP, if he knows this is important to you.

Especially the bolded.

Originally Posted by newbymom05

Based on the OP's original post, to me the DH's behavior seems almost passive-aggressive. She's reasoned, she's argued, she's CRIED? and he still does it? Repeatedly? In front of her? That's not right. My DH and I have frequent disagreements about safety and our 2 boys, but neither of us would ever continue to do anything that would make the other uncomfortable, let alone make them cry.

And FTR, in my relationship I'm the "unsafe" one, and I think the OP's situation seems unsafe for a 3 y/o. No one ever plans to have an accident, that's why they're called accidents.

Exactly. Obviously a fall wouldn't be intentional but it is a possibility. The concrete part really seals the deal but a fall on grass from that height could also likely result in serious head injury. The fact that the end result would be catastrophic and not "just a broken bone" is what makes it an unreasonable risk to take.

Originally Posted by momo7

That's really all that matters.

Trust your husband. He loves his daughter too. Trust your daughter. She really does know her limits.

I'm so over the idea that a child at this age "knows her limits". She's three. She has absolutely no idea of what the consequences could be if she fell. She just knows that it is fun and exhilarating. She certainly does not have the ability to predict the consequences of a fall from such a height. It isn't about whether she is scared or not or if daddy loves her or not. It is up to her parents to determine what is safe for her. At this point, I question her father's judgment if he thinks this is safe.

Originally Posted by Irishmommy

Well on the flip side, the OP is completely disregarding her dh's feelings. If my dh destroyed something that I enjoyed doing with my child like you suggested, there would be hell to pay.

That swing sounds awesome. As long as the rope is not frayed (or is replaced if it is frayed), then I think the OP needs to let it go.

Why does it only matter if the rope is frayed? Because the swing could break resulting in injury? The little girl could easily slip and fall and the results would be the same.

[lolar2]

This thread is over a month old and the OP hasn't been back lately, so I don't know if she still is reading it.