Hard week

[jen&james]

I just need somewhere to vent where some will understand. My son who is almost 5 had been having some issues and i have had him evaluated. The therapist thinks SPD and the speech therapist thinks also CAPD. He was recently asked to leave Montessori school he was in becasue they felt he wasn't ready for their K next year which I read more like they didn't want the extra work. I have found him another really great loving and respectful Montessori school and it is really small. The teacher is amazing and so gentle and patient. He has been attending there for about a month and in the beginning was doing great. he was happy there and making friends we'll sort of since he seems to have some social anxiety and the SPD interfers with his communication with other children. He is being evaluated again by our school system to see if we can get a IEP and they did a eval this monday for 1 1/2 hrs. I was there the whole time and they made it fun. Anyway, he missed school that day and on tues he didn't want to go to school he said he was scared but I took him anyway and he was upset when I left but the teacher said he relaxed after a while and had a good day. On wed he cried again and today he clinged and wined an after I left the teacher said he was hysterical and saying he was scared of one of the little kids who is only 2 1/2 and is very mellow. I asked him later why he was scared of the little one and he said that he was looking at him. I picked him up early today and he has OT tomorrow so I don't take him to school on friday. I guess I am just a tired and worried mom. He has never cried when I left him there before since we have been going there and all of a sudden he is. I don't know if the eval on monday has thrown him off or that my husband is out of town( he travels almost every week). All this drama this week makes me want to protect him and keep him home because I see him struggling and it is so hard to watch. I don't know if homeschooling him is the right answer. i just want to protect him from feeling anxiety, fear, hurt, confusion. I have been trying to figure out what could have set him off this week so I can rectify it for next week.

[TzippityDoulah]

(hugs) he might not be able to process of explain what is causing his anxiety over it. Did his teacher have any insight about it?
sometimes kids see things differently than we do. I have a friend who's little girl is 2 and she is terrified of my 12 month old. we have NO idea why - he's a friendly little guy who really liked other kids... btu she has it in her head that is a monster! lol and we have tried asking and coaxing her, but she's not budging. she cries when he gets nearby the turth is maybe something bothers her about my son and she doesn't know how to explain it. it could be a million things. maybe the color shirt he wore bothered her, maybe he stepped on her foot, maybe he stinks... who knows!

my point is, if you try getting it out of him what bothers hima nd he doesn't offer up anything, he may not have words to discribe it. it might just be a feeling. maybe the kid made a face that scared him, maybe he had a shadow on his face etc.... maybe a million things. and it jst got to your son. some kids focus on things and have a hard time letting go. would it perhaps help to just find ways to take his mind off of it? or help him think of ways to cope with the anxiety? perhaps something to look fwd to extra? or perhaps changing something about where he sits or whatever. or maybe even something silly that uses his imagination - like a pretend invisibility cloak he could put on when he's feeling scared....


anyhow I just wanted to encourage you... these phases do work themselves out. I doubt he'll cry and be scared of a 2 yr old forever either you'll figure out the problem or it will dissappear on it's own. in the mean time, keep reassuring him as much as you can.

[KimPM]

Your DS sounds very much like my son, and not too far different in age. Recently I've been pretty bummed about it. I've just about given up on trying to find a little friend for him. I'm thinking our next step is social skills classes, but I'm not sure if they help for social anxiety or not. I'm planning on homeschooling him for many reasons, and this is one of them.

Question: does he get along fine with most adults? is it just kids that give him anxiety? that's where my DS is. He told me once that another kid "scared" him. That kid was being very nice and friendly, but probably too much so for my DS, even though I didn't see anything particularly scary about the other kid. Other times, I can see that younger kids really get him upset because they walk all over his stuff (if he's playing a card game or other board game or something) and take some game pieces, and of course they are not interested in playing the game. Many times, another kid will come up to him to ask him to play or something non-threatining, but he interprets it as threatening and tries to run away.

[jen&james]

KimPM- My son is definately more comfortable with adults but I think it has to do with his SPD. Adults are more predictable with the way they touch and interact wth him. I think some days he is just more sensory sensative and can't stand to be with other kids. He plays well one on one with kids but in a group tends to withdraw since it is just too much for him. I think this school is probably the best situation for him since it is small and the teacher doesn't push him and lets him come when he is ready. The environmenrt is really peaceful and fairly predictable which I think is good for his sensory needs. He is seeing a OT and I have been trying to get a speech therapy appt. set up. I just need to be more viligant about making sure his sensory needs are met so he can feel more grounded. I am gloing to talk to his OT today about that.