Self directed child- Should I back off?

[francesruben]

Once a week I take both my children (19mos and 3yrs) to a Waldorf playgroup. We've been going for several months now, I really love the group and DS (19mos) does too. DD (3) is also keen to go every week but once we get there will refuse to take part in some of the activities, in particular the ones she isn't directing (a story and singing or circle games). All of the other kids seem to love this part of the morning but DD's refusal to take part is proving disruptive to the group. Sometimes she runs off and I end up running after her (I hate this!) and often the other kids are curious in what she's doing which then becomes disruptive. However, other times she will happily sit in a chair outside the room and wait for the parts of the morning she enjoys which isn't really bothering anyone but me.

I'm finding it difficult to participate with my younger child while managing her agenda as well and I'd love to encourage her to take part in the activities with everyone else. Should I let go of my agenda and allow her to sit outside the room quietly if that is what she wants or somehow encourage her to take part? What would you do?

[claras_mom]

Ask her what she wants? Seriously. When dd1 was 3, she was pretty capable of telling me what she wanted to do.

As long as she's quietly occupied doing something else, I don't see a reason for you to chase after her, nor do I see a reason for forcing participation. But I also don't see why she should be outside the room doing nothing at all during those times she doesn't want to be involved...

[francesruben]

Originally Posted by claras_mom

Ask her what she wants? Seriously. When dd1 was 3, she was pretty capable of telling me what she wanted to do.

As long as she's quietly occupied doing something else, I don't see a reason for you to chase after her, nor do I see a reason for forcing participation. But I also don't see why she should be outside the room doing nothing at all during those times she doesn't want to be involved...

I chase after her because she runs out of the building and I need to make sure she's somewhere close by and safe while I do the activities with my younger child... She is asserting her independence which is fine but not manageable for me in this situation.

In terms of being outside the room- I'd love it if she came inside but she refuses- she's happier sitting outside in this kind of self imposed time-out!

I haven't asked her what she wants, but my guess is that she wants to get straight to the parts of the morning she likes the most, and maybe she's just happy to wait for that and I should think positively about her amazing patience! I will ask her directly though... thanks for the suggestion.