You are not. You are sad. You are confusing the two b/c it's actually sadness that turns into anger b/c you don't want to deal with and/or don't know how to deal with the sadness.
And I'm very sorry. You don't have to feel this way anymore. If I was with you right now, I would squeeze you so tight in a hug for a very long time until you cried it all out.
Sadness is more scary to people than anger. Anger is somehow more easy to deal with...you get mad you yell, you punch a wall and you briefly feel better. But sadness, when it comes from that deep within, it's just not as easy to figure out how to let it go.
I encourage you to seek help with this so you don't have to continue feeling this burden on your own.
It's not your fault.*Please remember that all questions are answered here on the forum only. I do not accept private pm's for more information on your question.*
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Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to help you.