I only had time to read the first article tonight. It's a good one, and I agree with a lot of what she said. I also appreciate how well thought out it was.
I don't agree with everything she said, though. Or, I should say, I don't believe everything is as black and white as she portrayed it. There is grey. I don't think I believe this, for example:
|If the origin of adoption is the destruction of a family, then nothing that comes from that can be explicitly good.
It's absolute statements like that that make me cringe a little (just for the legitimacy of her arguments, which mostly I support) while reading the article.
There is a lot of challenge and ugliness in adoption. There's a lot of heartache and unfairness...especially for birthparents and adoptees. But there are also, and primarily, normal moments. Our daughter (who, granted, is only 2.5...it's not like we're pros at this) is our daughter, and we live a happy life as a family. Are these issues she discusses ones to be aware of? YES. Were we hyper-aware of them during the adoption process? YES. It changed a lot of how we approached adopting dd, and how we viewed/interacted with/judged the international program we chose.
So yes, there are heavy issues that (I believe) you have to take on. You have to acknowledge them, admit the hurt/shame/wrongness of them, and incorporate that into your mindset as an adoptive parent. And as you're raising your child, these things have to be addressed.
But please, don't scare yourself out of adopting. I believe adoption is educating yourself about these things, and acting on these things, but 99.9% of the time it's just raising your child. It's not "raising your child with the dark cloud of adoption hanging over your head." Not at all (or hasn't been for us, I shoud say).
For us, it's been more like just raising our child. With awareness. With humility. With the education and connections we need to address the difficult issues when they come up. And they do come up...even when (as we are) you're only raising a toddler. But...I don't know if this is because we've also raised special needs kids...daily life, and love, is not about the flare-ups of issues. It's about day-in, day-out life, and the bonds we have as a family. Daily life is a joy. Daily life is a blessing. I'm not afraid of the issues anymore, because dd is our daughter, and we will work through them as best we can. The joys of daily life, and the love of being her family, make those things so much less scary even as they make them so much more real.
I hope that makes sense. Kinda late here.