Racist comments in School WWYD? - Page 2

[peaceful_mama]

Originally Posted by 2xy

I don't think that's being racist. I think people generally expect children to resemble their parents.....and if they don't know the parents, they get confused.

I have a friend who is very white, freckly, red-haired German looking lady. Her kids' dad is Chinese, but they've been divorced for about 16 years, so nobody ever sees them together. People assume that she is the babysitter or something, because they look nothing like her.

i know somebody this happened to a lot....a black mom with a light-skinned child.

I've also known a few moms with families like mine....I, and other white moms I've known, have never been mistaken for babysitters.

Is it racism? Likely sometimes, it is. But it also seems like there are more families like mine (black dad/white mom) than the other way around.....which might explain why people are less likely to assume I'm my kids' babysitter...that and having a baby who looks so much like the other(s) hanging off a boob can't hurt!--as has been the case for the better part of the last 3 years

[mar123]

These types of comments happen with kids this age; sad but true. The teachers may be trying to deal with what they know. There are many times I keep kids after class and talk about comments, etc. It is a sticky situation to be sure. I would mention it to the teacher to see if he or she is aware of it; she may not be. However, if she is, she may be handling it in a way unknown to your son.

[raksmama]

Update on Racist Remarks in School

It seems someone’s already beat us to complaining to the school!

The boy who had been making most of the remarks said (again) to a group of boys that they were all “immigrants” and not “real Canadian”. He mentioned my sons name along with them, although my son was not present at the time. The boys reported it right away to the teacher. Because the boy making the racist comments had said it to a group of boys, there was no doubting it. The teacher took the boy to the principal right away and the boy spent the rest of the day in the principal’s office.

I just want to clarify a few things after reading all the responses to my OP.
I don’t want to give impression that all the kids in DS’s school are racist. I was complaining about the one boy in particular that I mentioned before. There are 3 others who my son has heard making jokes about Jews and Asians.

This however, is bad enough, so I still think I need to speak to the school to say something along the lines that there needs to be more done to promote multiculturalism and counter racism rather than complaining about particular children.

The school does promote multiculturalism. However if racist comments and jokes are being made at home, and I suspect this is the case,the school can only do so much.

Finally with regards to where there is more racism, I don’t know what the statistics would say, but I think it is very subjective and often depends on the individuals and who they encounter.
As for myself I am originally from the States, lived in Germany 15 years and now in Canada. For me, Canada seems to be least racist place I have lived!

[Joyster]

Originally Posted by 2xy

I don't think that's being racist. I think people generally expect children to resemble their parents.....and if they don't know the parents, they get confused.

I have a friend who is very white, freckly, red-haired German looking lady. Her kids' dad is Chinese, but they've been divorced for about 16 years, so nobody ever sees them together. People assume that she is the babysitter or something, because they look nothing like her.

I do! It's happened to me, and it ticks me off big time! The first time was with DS1 and you'd have be oblivious not to see that the child has a lot of my traits. It's an assumption that a brown person with a child couldn't possibly be related to them, but instead be part of the staff.

[Joyster]

Originally Posted by jalilah

It seems someone’s already beat us to complaining to the school!

The boy who had been making most of the remarks said (again) to a group of boys that they were all “immigrants” and not “real Canadian”. He mentioned my sons name along with them, although my son was not present at the time. The boys reported it right away to the teacher. Because the boy making the racist comments had said it to a group of boys, there was no doubting it. The teacher took the boy to the principal right away and the boy spent the rest of the day in the principal’s office.

I just want to clarify a few things after reading all the responses to my OP.
I don’t want to give impression that all the kids in DS’s school are racist. I was complaining about the one boy in particular that I mentioned before. There are 3 others who my son has heard making jokes about Jews and Asians.

This however, is bad enough, so I still think I need to speak to the school to say something along the lines that there needs to be more done to promote multiculturalism and counter racism rather than complaining about particular children.

The school does promote multiculturalism. However if racist comments and jokes are being made at home, the school can only do so much. I suspect this is the case.

Finally with regards to where there is more racism, I don’t know what the statistics would say, but I think it is very subjective and often depends on the individuals and who they encounter.
As for myself I am originally from the States, lived in Germany 15 years and now in Canada. For me, Canada seems to be least racist place I have lived!

My school (downtown Toronto) it was an immediate suspension if you were caught saying something racist. Our teachers made a huge effort to educate us in anti-racism philosophies and while it's come a long way from the 80s and 90s, I think they did a great job. There are a few organizations who go into schools to teach anti-racism, maybe your son's school can look into that to try and start nipping the problem in the semi-grown bud. You can't change attitudes at home, but you can change the attitude of this boy's peers and when he sees it's not socially acceptable, he might examine his own attitudes.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by jalilah

It seems someone’s already beat us to complaining to the school!...
The teacher took the boy to the principal right away and the boy spent the rest of the day in the principal’s office.

That's GREAT news.

The school does promote multiculturalism. However if racist comments and jokes are being made at home, the school can only do so much. I suspect this is the case.

I disagree. Racist comments just don't happen at my kids' school, and I'm sure that some of the kids hear racist comments at home. What is happening at your school is really good -- enough of the kids don't want to hear the racism that they are letting the adults know, and the adults are taking it very seriously.

When children know that their peers will not tolerate their behavoir, they stop it, even if their behavoir is totally fine with their parents.

[raksmama]

Another Update

Originally Posted by jalilah

It seems someone’s already beat us to complaining to the school!
The boy who had been making most of the remarks said (again) to a group of boys that they were all “immigrants” and not “real Canadian”. He mentioned my sons name along with them, although my son was not present at the time. The boys reported it right away to the teacher. Because the boy making the racist comments had said it to a group of boys, there was no doubting it. The teacher took the boy to the principal right away and the boy spent the rest of the day in the principal’s office.

I can't believe it! Ds just had his 6th graduation and the boy mentioned above got an award for "promoting cultural awareness"!!!???!!!
After the above mentioned boy spent his time with the principal he no longer called other classmates "immigrants and not real Canadians", however he still continued making racist comments about ethnic groups in particular Asians and Jews.
I am so disappointed with his school!

[Mama Shifra]

Originally Posted by GuildJenn

However my most racist relation lived in California in the 40s and then in upstate NY.

I just read Her Father's Daughter by Gene Stratton-Porter (the same woman who wrote Freckles), which is a book set in California during World War I. While the romance in this book was nice, I was horrified by the open racism and anti-immigrant sentiments expressed in the book--and that was by the heroine! This book was written in the 1920s, at a time when the Ku Klux Klan was admired. This was when Birth of a Nation, a movie openly condescending of slaves and admiring of the Ku Klux Klan had just come out and was widely popular. So at one point in US history, racism was seen as a rational viewpoint!

But I also wanted to share that when I was working for a hotel chain and evidently on the weekends some of my co-workers were making racist comments, a vice president of the company called the entire department in for a manditory meeting (including those on overnight and weekend shifts) and said that such comments were intolerable and if they happened again, they would be grounds for termination. So the principal could just call the entire class or school together and just say that such comments are intolerable and will be grounds for suspension. Sometimes that alone will scare children. Also having the principal point out that employers will fire people who make such comments is valuable. After all, isn't one of the points of school to teach children about how to behave in the grown up world?

[bluebirdiemama]

Especially since your ds doesn't want you to do anything, I don't think you should. This kind of stuff is going to happen when you have a big group of kids put together, as in public schools.
The child doing this is going to have to learn from experience that this kind of behavior is not ok. I don't think the school system can provide this kind of discipline, which really has more to do with psychology and morals than anything else. And I don't think that's the kind of thing the school can or should be trying to control or navigate.

I would focus on your ds, and what you can teach him in this situation. And, to me, learning to be the more mature person and not rely on a higher authority when they are not breaking a tangible rule/law, seem like good lessons for this situation.

btw this is one of the reasons I will do everything in my power to keep my kids out of public schools. There is just too much nastiness on every level that gets thrown into the mix.

[raksmama]

Originally Posted by Mama Shifra

So the principal could just call the entire class or school together and just say that such comments are intolerable and will be grounds for suspension. Sometimes that alone will scare children. Also having the principal point out that employers will fire people who make such comments is valuable. After all, isn't one of the points of school to teach children about how to behave in the grown up world?

In my update today I pointed out that the principal just awarded this same child for promoting cultural awareness!!!!

[raksmama]

Originally Posted by bluebirdiemama

I would focus on your ds, and what you can teach him in this situation. And, to me, learning to be the more mature person and not rely on a higher authority when they are not breaking a tangible rule/law, seem like good lessons for this situation.btw this is one of the reasons I will do everything in my power to keep my kids out of public schools. There is just too much nastiness on every level that gets thrown into the mix.

My son is actually fine but I am the one upset about this kid being awarded at the graduation.

[sapphire_chan]

I'd complain to the school board. Especially since there's been disciplinary action already. They knew perfectly well he was making racist remarks and then they rewarded him for "promoting cultural awareness." Not okay.

[raksmama]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

I'd complain to the school board. Especially since there's been disciplinary action already. They knew perfectly well he was making racist remarks and then they rewarded him for "promoting cultural awareness." Not okay.

it is not my style usually to stir up trouble but I am thinking of doing just that.

[mtiger]

Originally Posted by bluebirdiemama

I would focus on your ds, and what you can teach him in this situation. And, to me, learning to be the more mature person and not rely on a higher authority when they are not breaking a tangible rule/law, seem like good lessons for this situation.

I agree with the above. That's the most important thing you can do for your son - and those he associates with. Not everyone will "get it", but enough will.

Originally Posted by bluebirdiemama

btw this is one of the reasons I will do everything in my power to keep my kids out of public schools. There is just too much nastiness on every level that gets thrown into the mix.

I do not agree with this. My experience with private schools shows that there is plenty of nastiness thrown into the mix there, too. As there is in other walks of life. I find it more important to teach mine how to deal with such negatives- isolating them from it isn't, IMO, the way to do so.

[eepster]

I guess they awarded it based on degree of improvement. The boy went from horribly offensive to vaguely tolerable, but most of the other students started out as acceptably polite and just stayed at acceptably polite.

[MsBirdie]

My daughter had an issue with this same thing last year in 2nd grade. A little girl told my dd (who is lebanese) and my dd's friend (who is from west africa) that she coud not be friends with them because they are dark skinned. I hit the roof. I went to the teachers of the girls, who are from India and the Philipines, and they were livid. In five minutes that girl was in the principals office. My dd was spoken to by her teacher, telling her that what the other girl said was wrong and she should always be proud of her skin color. The little girl was given detention and her parents were called in. They called and apologized to me. The little girl wrote a note to my daughter and friend apologizing. The girls were seperated for a very long time. I also wrote an Email to the principal using buzz words like "racist" "bullying" "harrassment" and told her I was saving our correspondence for my own records. I recieved an Email and phone reply back from the principal and we never had a probem since. DDs school is VERY culturally diverse charter school, and the situation was handled swiftly.


I cannot believe he won that award

[hotmamacita]

Originally Posted by jalilah

For the last few months, Ds (12) has been coming home telling me about horrible racist comments other children at school have been making, really vulgar,ugly stuff like jokes about Jews, and Asians. There is one boy in particular who is making most of these comments.

As well, ever since all the kids in my son’s class did presentations on their family trees, this boy also is saying DS and a few other kids are “immigrants and not real Canadians” (DH a Canadian citizen is originally from Lebanon)

I really feel the school needs to be informed about all of this. The problem is my son does not want me to. Last year when he came home telling me about all this XXX-rated stuff that he’d heard from a class mate I promptly informed both the teacher and the principal. Ds had to go before the principal and the teacher with the child in question and repeat to them what he told me (without all the graphic details of course). The other child just denied it and told the others in class that my son was a tattletale. Because of this experience DS does not want me to go to the teacher or principal about any of this.
But enough is enough. I feel I can’t let this go on. What would you do?

WEll, where we live, we saw/see a lot of racial prejudice, amond other things, in the school system and we chose/choose to homeschool to give our children a more diverse and open education.

I do not know what I would do in your shoes. Trust your instincts and good luck!

[Tapioca]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I'm an American, my Dh is British. We've lived in Ontario and Quebec and currently live in the US. I found there was FAR more racism in Canada than the US. It was more accepted. It really suprised me because, overall, Canada seems like a "nicer" country (socialized health care, you never blow anybody up, etc.)

I don't get it. The kind of stuff you are describing would NOT be tolerated at my kids' school, which is 40% white, 40% african american, and 20%. My kids are in middle school and I asked that would happen to a child who made a racist comment, and they didn't know because it just never happens, which kinda suprised me because there are a lot of problems with behavoir, but that is one thing the kids have been taught isn't OK.

Can you PLEASE stop generalising about "Canada"

Canada, like the US, is a huge and diverse country. It would be more accurate to talk about the very particular part of Canada you lived in, rather than assuming that every single Canadian province/town/city is like that. Personally, I can't relate to what you're saying at ALL. And I'm an immigrant.

And, can I point out that every school system in every province is run differently. For instance in my part of Canada each city has it's own school district, with it's own policies.

THank you.