I've been in denial that I may have PPD, but there's something not right and I think I have to face it as a possibility, so I'd love some insight because I'm so scared of what I am right now.
My DS is 2, DD is 7 months. Both births were great, DD's was amazing: it was a spiritual experience for me. Intense but painless. She was born at home in the water with midwives who basically just caught her. It was so beautiful and I was on a high for months.
I have two wonderful children. I really am blessed and I love them tremendously. I've never ever had any wish or thoughts of hurting them... in fact, I'm extremely anxious that something might happen to them.
I'm finding it tough to fall asleep at night because my mind is racing all the time about horrible things that might happen. I stay up listening in case someone is going to break in and hurt them, or in case there's a fire... I check and re-check the carbon monoxide alarm because I'm terrified it's not working and we'll die in our sleep. Then I get to thinking about illnesses, diseases, vax reactions... I freak if one of them bumps their head or gets a fever because I'm scared they're really ill/hurt. I can't sleep unless I'm sure they're okay. Even then I check they're breathing at night.
Also, my personality has changed. I used to be so mellow. Now I get overwhelmed if they both cry at once or if one is fussy, I take it out on DH and scream at him in frustration. DS woke up crying from his nap the other day and cried for half an hour and I actually handed him off to DH, ran to my room, slammed the door and was banging my head against the wall. The whole time I was thinking "this isn't normal. normal mothers don't do this." I scream, I cry, I slam doors. Or I eat.
I'm an emotional eater and have gained 100 lbs over the past 3 years. I weigh more at 7 months pp than I did at 40 weeks pregnant with DD. I don't leave the house because none of my clothes fit and I'm self-conscious about being obese. Then I feel guilty that we barely leave the house at all. I make playdates and appointments, then I get too anxious and bail.
I've had anxiety issues in the past: I had crippling panic attacks that turned into agoraphobia when I was in university. I dropped out, moved home, simplified my life and I thought I had it beat. I guess I just stuffed it away.
Can anybody help me?
My DS is 2, DD is 7 months. Both births were great, DD's was amazing: it was a spiritual experience for me. Intense but painless. She was born at home in the water with midwives who basically just caught her. It was so beautiful and I was on a high for months.
I have two wonderful children. I really am blessed and I love them tremendously. I've never ever had any wish or thoughts of hurting them... in fact, I'm extremely anxious that something might happen to them.
I'm finding it tough to fall asleep at night because my mind is racing all the time about horrible things that might happen. I stay up listening in case someone is going to break in and hurt them, or in case there's a fire... I check and re-check the carbon monoxide alarm because I'm terrified it's not working and we'll die in our sleep. Then I get to thinking about illnesses, diseases, vax reactions... I freak if one of them bumps their head or gets a fever because I'm scared they're really ill/hurt. I can't sleep unless I'm sure they're okay. Even then I check they're breathing at night.
Also, my personality has changed. I used to be so mellow. Now I get overwhelmed if they both cry at once or if one is fussy, I take it out on DH and scream at him in frustration. DS woke up crying from his nap the other day and cried for half an hour and I actually handed him off to DH, ran to my room, slammed the door and was banging my head against the wall. The whole time I was thinking "this isn't normal. normal mothers don't do this." I scream, I cry, I slam doors. Or I eat.
I'm an emotional eater and have gained 100 lbs over the past 3 years. I weigh more at 7 months pp than I did at 40 weeks pregnant with DD. I don't leave the house because none of my clothes fit and I'm self-conscious about being obese. Then I feel guilty that we barely leave the house at all. I make playdates and appointments, then I get too anxious and bail.
I've had anxiety issues in the past: I had crippling panic attacks that turned into agoraphobia when I was in university. I dropped out, moved home, simplified my life and I thought I had it beat. I guess I just stuffed it away.
Can anybody help me?
and hope that things went well for you at your doctor's appointment.
