Applied to go back to school today, but why do I feel like I'm making a mistake?

[mamakah]

I'm a sahm and have been since ds was born 2 yrs ago. I applied to go back to school today, as I have been feeling increasingly uneasy about not working and not having a degree. I worry that if something were to happen to dh or if we were ever to split, that I am in a very vulnerable position.
I'm excited about school, but feel like I am turning my back on ds. I know it sounds silly, but I honestly feel like I'm choosing something over him. I don't necissarily want a career, I love being a sahm.
What is going on? What's with the rollercoaster of emotions and feelings about this? Has anyone else gone through this?

[moonyoungi]

I think that's quite normal, being ambivalent about going back to school. Maybe you feel like this because you feel like you don't NEED to go back to school, but yet CHOOSING to.
I don't know what to tell you, other than, I think it's fine. You can have perfectly good relationship with your children and spend a lot of time with them while going to school, especially if you start out part time. If going back to school is what you want and it makes you happy, do this by all means. Maybe start out with one class and see how you and your LO feel about it.

good luck.

[mamakah]

Thank you!

[Happiestever]

I just applied today and I am in the same boat as you. No degree and feeling like the time is right. I really should have gone back years ago. I haven't decided what I want to do since being a doula doesn't really fit with my family situation ATM. Maybe I'll come back to it, or maybe I will become president and turn the world inside out LOL, rip it apart and start from scratch . I have three kids and my youngest is only a few months but I just feel like doing something. Being a SAHM is great, but I am scared and excited to try again at university.

[La Sombra]

SO NORMAL! In my experience, these feelings totally pass (although by all means in your case if they don't, reevaluate from there!)

I felt SOOOO nervous and guilty when I first went back to school and even know sometimes after a summer break or whatever I'll start feeling bad and really missing dd in the fall.

BUT, it's gotten WAAAAY easier. And I have found that, in fact, I actually feel really proud of what I'm doing AS A MOTHER, that I'm setting a really good example for dd and it feels really good to know that I am doing something for myself like this, too--it's given me great passion and a lot of confidence that I didn't have before.

Sit with your feelings, mama, and see how it goes. I think it's all really normal, though, and you're going to to great--and so is your sweet boy!

Good luck!

[mamakah]

Thank you all! I'm starting to feel better about it. I just don't really know what to expect so I think I'm thinking "I'll never have time for him!" "I'll always be stressed out!" ahhhhh! But yes, this is setting a great example of ds. My husband doesn't have a degree either and we have often worried about what message this will send to ds about his own education.
Thanks again!

[be11ydancer]

I'm in your same situation as of about an hour ago! Just finished registering for 3 summer classes which are all done online through our local college. I'm hoping this will make for more flexibility but honestly I don't know what to expect. I'm just bummed I quit school before I even had kids or this would've been finished a long time ago. But here I am. We'll see how it goes. I don't like not have a degree and I don't like that I depend so heavily on DH for financial support. Gotta start somewhere. :Good luck to both of us!