Mothering › Forums › Parenting › Ages and Stages › Life With a Babe › Are boy babies more aggressive/active than girl babies?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Are boy babies more aggressive/active than girl babies?

post #1 of 27
Thread Starter 
I have an 11 mo old DS. Starting at about 8 or 9 mo old, he has shown that he is "all boy".

I just get beaten up. I get pinched, hit, bitten, slapped, twisted, kicked, have my hair pulled, etc. He doesn't know what he's doing. And still doesn't understand my "NO fill-in-the-blank" response. I try not to react/laugh to encourage the behavior.

He also acts aggressive in some circumstances, like when I feed him. He will bite down hard on the spoon and make a face as if he's biting with all his might. When he gets food on his hands he will open and close his fists and do it in such a way that looks so angry. And if he grabs onto the spoon, he will hold on with all his might and not let go. He's got the strength of a body builder! If he's overtired or unhappy, he lets out such an angry sounding cry, he seems possessed.

Also, we co-sleep and I nurse him to sleep. More often than not, he doesn't go right to sleep, sometimes taking up to 2 hours. He spins around in bed, crawls, rolls over, etc. He'll also latch on, and then roll over and latch on again repeating that over and over. And he kicks his legs non-stop.

He'll also wedge himself up parallel to the headboard and then I have to move him back to parallel to me after he squeals with unhappiness at the position he's gotten himself into and we go through that routine a few times. And he'll roll over back and forth back and forth.

And, just before he finally does fall asleep (he's active right until the very end literally), he'll let out a few yells/moans even. He'll roll over onto his stomach in a crawling position and fall asleep like that as if his battery just ran out in the middle of the action.

A friend of mine with a 2 yr old girl said that her daughter never did those things like that and she was quite calm. So, I'm curious whether there is a distinct difference between boys and girls even at that young an age.
post #2 of 27
I don't think its a boy/girl thing but probably individual. Don't know though, since I only have one, maybe those who have more can tell you

But I have a boy (age 2 1/2 now) and he was/is nothing like yours

I'm not sure about some of the other things but 2 hrs to fall asleep sounds like there is a problem somewhere. Not sure whether its overtired, or undertired, o something else entirely.. maybe it is just easier for him to fall asleep if he physically tires himself out first? Do you think it would help if he got to be active before bed (although I've read the opposite- a calming down bedtime routine ritual is supposed to be the best!) I'd be trying various things, and keeping a journal so you could figure out later what is helping, and what is making things worse. If I lost a few hours of sleep a night I'd be pretty crabby during the day too!
post #3 of 27
FWIW, my DS is the same way. My mom only had girls and she said my sister and I were not like DS at all.
post #4 of 27
Although I think there is a lot to do with individual personalities & that gender differences definitely run along a continuum I do see a big difference between ds & other boys & the girls I know. Ds is SO rough & loud & has been since day one. You show him a stuffed toy or doll & he looks at you like you have 3 heads but he sees a truck drive by & gets totally excited.

Boys & girls are different but then every child is different as well. So many factors at work.
post #5 of 27
I don't think it's a gender thing, my ds is a bit like that, but everyone says he takes after me! lol!

He does love cars though.
post #6 of 27
My "all boy" boy had some personality traits as yours does but some he didn't have. He plays ice ice hockey and is totally agressive on the ice but not so much off the ice anymore. And his brother doesn't have an agressive bone in his body and used to ask if he could go to bed when he was a toddler. And they have an older sister too.
post #7 of 27
i'd say there might well be some differences... my nephew is two months older than my girl, but he's a total wild child... we were chatting over skype the other day, and the whole time he was bouncing, shrieking, pulling, pushing, and yammering away at my sister. mine, on the other hand, sat quietly in my lap playing with my fingers for a while and studying the computer screen. it's partly personality, partly gender though... my husband has a very quiet, reflective personality, whereas my sister and i were both much more interactive and social, but i think it translates to a physical-type interaction in my nephew that neither i nor my sister displayed.
post #8 of 27
i agree with silverfish- its part personality, part gender. that said, my boy is similar to yours. while nursing, he pinches me or himself- when i keep him form getting me, he goes for himself, or gets angry- its a work in progress. Also, he even crawls and even stands up in his crib (its sidecarred to our bed) in his sleep.

As for getting to sleep- we had problems with my son- he's 10 mths now, well, always- getting him to sleep since day one has been... tiring. so, we spend minimum, an hour before bed winding him down. that doesn't include bath- which we do almost every night because it lets him get his energy out. then we take him upstairs to our room- we have a corner with some soft toys and boxes, and books (you can tell i was a teacher) and we alternately quietly play, sing songs and look at books until he gets tired and starts to cry- then we get into bed and nurse. if he doesn't go to sleep, we take turns holding him and rocking him and if he wants, he nurses until he either falls asleep nursing or being rocked. He definitely does cry during this, but it is more calm then it was.

we find that no matter how tired he is, we have to go through this routine to get him to sleep. if we go out in the evening, he won't fall asleep while we are out or in the car, we need to really do the routine for him to know he needs to settle himself down.
post #9 of 27
I do think there might be some personality traits that are more common with one gender of the other (boys tend to "take things apart" more, etc) but the things you are describing sound more like it is just your specific little guy's personality and not so much because he is a boy.

My DD was pretty low-key as a baby, but can't hold a flame to DS1. He is as gentle as a lamb. I also know a lot of little girls who are super physical and full of LOTS of energy. I know that an anecdote doesn't = science, but those are my observations.
post #10 of 27
Thread Starter 
At his 3 mo ped appt and thereafter, his ped has said that he has quite the temperment.

He doesn't always take 2 hours to get to sleep--that's the extreme--and if I see that he is just not wearing down (even after fully nursing), I take him out of bed and let him tire himself out some more by crawling around. Sometimes if I hit the sweet spot, he'll nurse and fall asleep right away, which was typical of the "good ole days" prior to around 7 months. We have tried letting him be really active before bed and tried to quiet him down by reading, etc. Doesn't seem to make much of a difference. We don't do the bath, reading routine because he cries when we take him out of the tub (he loves the water) and the reading doesn't seem to calm him. We finish the book and he tosses it aside and is on the go again.

I wait for his tired signs of rubbing his eyes and just getting generally fussy and all we then need to do is change him and put him right into bed to nurse, but that doesn't always work, especially now that he is more active. He frequently gets his second wind or if I leave our bed too early he wakes up and there we go again... There would be no point in getting him into bed earlier because he is just a bundle of energy and happy until he gets tired.

His nap times vary too, as I have not been able to get him down at the same time daily, though I'm normally within a certain window. Sometimes errands interfere or he just gets his second wind and misses his a.m. nap entirely. I know he's gotten enough sleep when he wakes up happy. If he wakes up crying, I try to nurse him back to sleep since he's not "done".

Anyway, just curious about the gender differences since I have not been around any girl babies. I do agree that it's part gender and part individual personality.
post #11 of 27
FWIW, my 9 month old daughter is just like your son, and my DS is a mellow, laid-back, gentle little one! I think it has more to do with personality than anything else at this age.
post #12 of 27
I would say it's individual differences. And the term "all boy" really bugs me because it implies that girls aren't like that (exhibit A: DD who was all boy for much of her younger years) and that boys are supposed to be like that (exhibit B: DS who is very mellow, very gentle, very much "all girl" in many situations). At 11 mo. DS wanted to baby everything.
post #13 of 27
ime i would agree. my dd was a very calm happy go lucky baby. not a mean streak in her body. never hit/bit/slapped nothing. ds. wooo. hes been hitting since day one. he will actually start fights now with her by just going up and smacking dd. biting her foot. etc. he is also a thrower and very athletic and not as reserved as she is/was.

anyway, id agree that it was more personality only because my dn is the same way. she is 5 months younger than my dd and boy is she a spitfire. just very high energy and very athletic. she and my ds are very similar in many ways. so i say personality now
post #14 of 27
I think they statistically can be...Mine was not.
Still isn't.
post #15 of 27
I have 2 boys. Ds2 is a lot like your ds. Ds1 was not. He was definitely not aggressive, and not as active as ds2. He was pretty calm and laidback.
post #16 of 27
My first child, a girl, was a much more difficult baby than my second, a boy, has been. She had more of a temper, was harder to get to sleep, and maybe was about the same on kicking and scratching. At three, she plays hard, eats a lot, and doesn't often sit still.
post #17 of 27
Based on your description, my DD was "all boy" too. I think it's down to personality.
post #18 of 27
Given, that my boy is only 6 months old, but he is much calmer and gentler than most of the girls his age we hang out.
post #19 of 27
I'll agree that boys are much more active than girls--my second daughter was/is 'boyish' in her activity level, but my son is still way more active than she is. We had to put up gates and lock stuff up once my son was on the go that we never had to with the girls.

But he has been a better sleeper than either girl *shrugs* There's a great book called Bringing Up Boys (and one called Bringing Up Girls too incidentally) that might interest you.
post #20 of 27
Statistically they've been shown not to be.

What fascinates me is that researchers who watch babies and children at play have found that up until about age 3, boys and girls commit aggressive acts at the same rates. After three, that changes -- if you only count physical aggression. Girls start switching to verbal/social aggression, so it looks like they're less aggressive if you only think about shoving, hitting, kicking, and biting. If you count "I don't like you," and "I'm not going to play with you," and "You can be my friend if you promise never to play with that other girl." then you realize they're not.

Another interesting observation, which may explain why some people think boy babies are more "aggressive" than girls. Researchers have had people hold babies dressed as boys vs. girls and not told them the baby's biological gender.

When a boy baby cries, it is perceived as anger. "Oh, sweetie I know you're mad!" When a girl baby cries, it is perceived as *sadness.* So from the moment they are born, the adults around a baby respond to the *same* cries as coming from different causative emotions, depending on whether the baby is male or female (or perceived as such).

You (OP) are assuming your baby is clenching his fists because he's angry. Has he said that? My son waved his hands and waggled his fingers whenever he was excited! He still jumps up and down and flaps a bit even at 10! Maybe he's clenching and unclenching his fists because he's so excited about the food he can't contain himself? Maybe he bites down on teh spoon so hard because all these new flavors and textures make him want to just chomp harder, because it feels like if you bite harder you get MORE FLAVOR?

PUlling hair, slapping twisting? In a baby that age, they're not trying to beat you up, though it may feel that way. Some of it is just exploring the world and some of it is wanting to touch things they like. My DD -- who is SO not aggressive, would swarm over people she liked, and she sometimes bit them too -- not aggressive snapping like an angry puppy, but more like chewing on a bone - she got so affectionate she literally wanted to "Eat them up."

Think again about what you're calling aggressive and angry. Are they really angry? In a different baby, would you call it "excited," or "bouncy," or "rambunctious?" How we label behaviors has a huge effect on how they eventually are percieved by the child himself.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Life With a Babe
Mothering › Forums › Parenting › Ages and Stages › Life With a Babe › Are boy babies more aggressive/active than girl babies?