May Pagan Circle - Page 16

[bluets]

Just checking in.... got swept away by busy-ness at home and stuff. Started working in a clinical setting for this ND program - just one morning a week, doing bodywork and homeopathy. And my mentor dumps yet more reading... I still have to finish up the homeopathy exam and then move onto the next course.

I've been FEELING the moons - new and full - lately. Not physically, but I can feel a shift in my whole being around both the new moon and the full moon. It's a new sensation.

I've started a treatment with constitutional homeopathy (if I'm going to be treating patients, I should understand what it does, no?)... Doing 3 remedies. The first one pulled up all sorts of anxiety that I guess I had suppressed. The second one had a nice effect on my monthly cycle. The 3rd one... well... I'm still waiting to see what happens with it - it's a slower, deeper acting remedy so I'm not expecting radical changes.

During our last clinical session, I was the model (my mentor has another intern as well, so we take turns on each other). My mentor did some sort of technique and popped something in place that felt REALLY good at the time, and yesterday morning. But it's been downhill ever since. Here's hoping that another homeopathic remedy works to get me through the pain.

I did manage to carve out some time for sewing (a new tote bag! halfway finished! figured I needed something to cart around my naturopathy tools) and gardening (my mentor said that every ND student needed to work in the garden to understand dirt. If it would stop raining, I might get a chance to get back into the garden.

There's no way I can catch up with this thread! Hope everyone is well, all pregnancies going happily, all boo-boos rectify themselves, etc.

[Millie Ivy]

Originally Posted by aweynsayl

well, hello stranger!!! hope you're well!

I am, it's been a crazy few months. The company I worked for (jewelry artist, if anyone recalls) won some accolades around the holidays, and we moved to a brand shiny new studio and I started working more, etc. Then about 6 weeks ago, some stuff went down (not really going to discuss her stuff online) and she majorly downsized her operations and I lost my job. Which was RIGHT on the heels of my dh's business having one of the hardest financial times since I've known him. some scary stuff, however their have been a million good things happening. (mabe my *intention* to TM counted even though I didn't do it. lol)

1-I had gotten much less frugal, spending everything I was making. My spending just swelled with my increased income. That's gotten checked really fast.
2-We got an unexpected tax return for 10,000, and it got deposited *right* when dh's biz acct was at an all time low.
3-I am now staying at home almost exclusively again, which is where my passion really lies, I had gotten off track and am really appreciating the opportunity to get back on.
4-I am working VERY part time, for local caterers, promo companies, etc. Some of my single mom friends have been doing this for years. It's enjoyable, imminently flexible, and makes anywhere form 18-50 an hour, whereas my previous pt job was 13/hr I can make the same amt of money in 6 evenings a month that I was doing 15 hrs a week.
5- My kids, especially my youngest, are thrilled to have me home during the days again. I was only working 3 days a week usually, but it really limited our freedom.

My mom read my horoscope a few days after we (my mom and sister worked there as well) lost our jobs, and it said the next six weeks were going to be fine financially, and that now is the time for new plans for the future. And it's been very accurate!

My sister also is sahm for the first time ever. She was scared that she would get lonely and depressed. But she is l o v i n g it. So that's cool too!

Really needing to reconnect with spirituality right now. I don't even feel the pull of the moon these days. Usually, someone wants to know where we are in the moon cycle they just ask me, now not so much. :-( considering visiting a uu church on sunday with a friend. I like the idea of the community for the kids.

ramble ramble!

[DaughterOfKali]

I'm probably going to lurk here for a couple days. I'm feeling quite down and frazzled and wouldn't be able to post anything positive.

Hugs to all.

[aweynsayl]

awesome updates, both of you! such exciting stuff happening.... bluets, i LOVE hearing about your training. millie, how fun to see the adaptations we make when life hands us the unexpected. good for me, too, to hear positive versions, while i'm not having so good a time with my own.

i need some more pagan thread wonderful wisdom & insight.... i just cant seem to be happy here AND happy about going back at the same time. maybe that's ok, or as it should be, or something, but it's really wearing on me, and sort of paralyzing me too, as i'm frightened to focus on either the life we're leaving OR the life we're going back to... leaving me sort of... well, holding my breath, waiting, not wanting to put a foot down in either camp, as it were. anything i've tried to just be in the moment leaves me feeling... even more unsettled, which is really odd and frustrating. i think i sort of am feeling that even though i absolutely LOVE it here, we're just not meant to be here... so anytime i fall into my "here" self, i feel just sick... and any time i start slipping into my "there" self i sort of want to throw up....

ok. i'm hitting post now..... gak!

[aweynsayl]

Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali

I'm probably going to lurk here for a couple days. I'm feeling quite down and frazzled and wouldn't be able to post anything positive.

Hugs to all.

hugs to you! i've been feeling that way for all of may (eta: ok, most of april, too... and march.... ).

[mamaofthree]

aweynsayl: all i can think of saying is to just do it one day at a time. try and be in that moment, that day and try and enjoy what the place your in has to offer. you know the move is happening, so i would suggest, maybe not to dwell on it. although i am not very good at either of those suggestions. lol

h

[Millie Ivy]

awayensayl- I've not been following so I don't know if this is applicable or not- but have you tried looking online at groups in the place you are moving to? Like anything that fit in your lifestyle, via craigslist and yahoo groups etc. If it were me, for instance, I would be looking into unschooling, uu or pagan groups, csa or produce co-ops, traditional foods or wapf groups, slow food chapters. Would connecting over the net maybe help you get your spirit more excited to move?

Like I said, I am just re-jumping in here, and that may not be helpful, take from it what you will. :-) Where are you moving?

~It's pouting down rain here! I SO needed a day to say "welp, it's pouring out, guess I need to stay in and fold laundry and sip tea and fart around with the kids." adn we have a friend that spent the night last night here playing with the kids so they are all mostly thrilled and leaving me alone. :-)feeling very nice right now.

[Vojerleda]

Hugs to all who need them. I am noticing a connection between my mood and my amount of sleep (who knew? I knew, but sometimes I Feel like the Rules Don't Apply to Me, because I'm a special snowflake.).. So I'm resolving to go to bed earlier.

Also just have to say- tonight for dinner: Muffalettas!!!

[Aeress]

I ordered the Witches Almanac and am looking fwd to getting it.

[femme_rouge]

Originally Posted by aweynsayl

.... i just cant seem to be happy here AND happy about going back at the same time. maybe that's ok, or as it should be, or something, but it's really wearing on me, and sort of paralyzing me too, as i'm frightened to focus on either the life we're leaving OR the life we're going back to... leaving me sort of... well, holding my breath, waiting, not wanting to put a foot down in either camp, as it were. anything i've tried to just be in the moment leaves me feeling... even more unsettled, which is really odd and frustrating. i think i sort of am feeling that even though i absolutely LOVE it here, we're just not meant to be here... so anytime i fall into my "here" self, i feel just sick... and any time i start slipping into my "there" self i sort of want to throw up....

ok. i'm hitting post now..... gak!

Hey Sweetie, darn, I only have a minute here and I'm not sure when I can get back online. I feel like I recently went through something similar that I'm still reeling from (OK, different, but similar). Real quick off the top of my head, I will share some things I've experienced or thought of with some very recent hindsight.

1.) I didn't want to seem negative, so I was doing a lot of "looking at the positive" or "let's make this an adventure", and while those are certainly not bad things to do, what came up for me was that I wasn't being authentic and honest with my feelings. So, I dared to drop the happy face and sit with how much it sucked. I even told people how I was really doing when they asked. Not a drawn out drama or anything, just a, "well, honestly things are stressful right now and I'm really feeling it. I'm looking forward to feeling more settled."

2.) I highly underestimated the tole feeling displaced would have on me and my family. I can relate to what you wrote about feeling paralyzed. In fact it was a word I used myself. I agree with mamaofthree about taking it moment by moment and trying to just be where you are. This was very challenging for me, but I can look back and appreciate some nice moments within the chaos (not saying yours is chaos, but mine felt like it).

3.) I've been doing some energy work with this amazing person. One day when I felt pretty together and chugging along, I was taking a class and she walked up to me, held my hands, and very quietly so only I could hear said, "please do not underestimate the effect of being displaced." My "I'm fine" self then proceeded to weep like a baby. One thing that was/is such a challenge for me is my judgment about my situation. I felt that so many people have real serious problems that I didn't have a right to be so messed up. Honestly, we were not in danger, we had a nice alternate place to live, and heck, we were only 2 small cities away from our home (not states away). It helped so much to allow myself to feel bad if that makes any sense? I then I could move on if only for a little while.

Anyway, unfortunately I have to run and I feel I just rambled all this out, and now I'm thinking it doesn't make any sense. Huge hugs to you, this certainly wasn't wise, but I wanted to respond that I "hear" you and am sorry about what you're going through.

[mamaofthree]

GRRRRR! i am so frusterated with my dh right now.

h

[Aubergine68]

Originally Posted by aweynsayl

aub~ohno! i tend to get migraines on thurs too.... did you try the eye thing i mentioned? i have noticed, though, that, as with PMS, really bad migraines have lessons in them.

'that was tapping the eye points back and forth, wasn't it? Sorry for any typos, typing w/little in one arm. The migraine I almost got was about grief. I have been trying to just let myself feel it, let tears and insights flow , not clench up or try to suppress any of it -- I'd only have to tap it out later, lol! Louise Hay, I think, recommends something like this, in the interest of getting through it quickle and completely.

Originally Posted by Aeress

Aweyn-.... DO you find yourself gazing into the ball?!

?? do tell? I am imagining the crystal ball from Labyrinth...

Originally Posted by bluets

I've started a treatment with constitutional homeopathy (if I'm going to be treating patients, I should understand what it does, no?)...

I need to meet someone irl who is doing this.

Originally Posted by Millie Ivy

I
Really needing to reconnect with spirituality right now. I don't even feel the pull of the moon these days. Usually, someone wants to know where we are in the moon cycle they just ask me, now not so much. :-( considering visiting a uu church on sunday with a friend. I like the idea of the community for the kids.

ramble ramble!

Hi, Millie! welcome back!

I see in your sig that you have recently had a sad anniversary How are you doing with that ?( please answer only if you want to share, that is)

Sounds like life has been a roller coaster for you for sure! Hope you find what you are looking for at that UU!

Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali

I'm probably going to lurk here for a couple days.

Originally Posted by aweynsayl

i think i sort of am feeling that even though i absolutely LOVE it here, we're just not meant to be here... so anytime i fall into my "here" self, i feel just sick... and any time i start slipping into my "there" self i sort of want to throw up.... !

- limbo is hard, when you know where the next step is but have to hurry up and wait to take it. Is there a way to shield yourself from needing to attach so much to place right now? Would reading a favourite familiar novel and escaping to a world that is always there for you help? You probably don't have your library handy, but what about the local library?

Off the top of my head, I want to say that you have the strength and creativity to make a gorgeous, meaningful, perfect life for yourself and your family wherever you are. ETA and EVERY ONE of you reading this has that power, truly!

And those chakra flower pics are just amazing -- I like them so much more than the stylized drawings of flowers for each chakra that one sees. (I don't think I'll have time to get back over to the chakra thread soon enough to remember to post that!)

Originally Posted by Vojerleda

Hugs to all who need them. I am noticing a connection between my mood and my amount of sleep (who knew? I knew, but sometimes I Feel like the Rules Don't Apply to Me, because I'm a special snowflake.).. So I'm resolving to go to bed earlier.

I've been working on more sleep, too, for the same reason. The sun wakes me up at 6 am these days and I want to be awake enough to get up then! My goai (rarely met) is in bed by 10, and I can read myself to sleep if I want.

Thanks for the link to the mooncircle.com Venus Santeria ritual, aweyn. I've had a lot of fun with it already. (this is going to sound like a story for the kitchen witch thread, but oh well) We don't have rolls handy so I decided to bake some. I got out the best ingredients (special sea salt, raw butter, etc) and mixed up some dough. Never put so much intention into anything! Kneaded for an extra-long time while singing love, beauty, pleasure, luxury, treasure, money and the enjoyment of it, cuddles, passion, romance, appreciation of my body, enjoyment of my husband , new toys and everything else Venusian I could think of into the dough (with my two preschool-aged Taurus-born helpers joining in here and there.) It is now rising in voluptous breast-shaped curves, and will be shaped into rolls shortly. I think making magic bread may become a regular activity!

The backstory is, I realize that I have *always* had a problem with Venus (one way of putting it, anyway). Even avoided ttc when there was a good likelihood of having a Taurus baby, because I have often just not understood Taurus natives in my life. Especially male ones, because I've felt taken advantage by some in the past.(As a Virgo rising would, I cook and clean for them and then they don't appreciate/worship me like my Sun-in-Leo needs and I resent them...).

Then I had an oops and my youngest is, of course, a male Taurus And I love him more than life, so I'm just going to have to work through my puzzlement with his kind and find a way to relate to him peacefully. Some journeys you just can't avoid buying a ticket for....

Lots of work, lots of service to others, lots of reading and dreaming, is what my life seems to boil down to. I need to make beauty and romance and pleasure a central part of my life, not an afterthought if everything(everyone) else is taken care of. I need to realize that I deserve enjoyment and luxury too! I deserve to sit down with a grown-up beverage once in a while, too! (Very pagan feeling this -- feel like I'm shaking off a load of Protestant work ethic and Catholic guilt in the indulgence of it!)

[Aubergine68]

mamaofthree!

Brilliant post, femme_rouge. I think I hinted a bit at the same thing in mine but you said it so much more fully and completely.

It is ok to feel the way you feel, and yes, to answer honestly when people ask how you are. Just remember to breathe through it.

And, DoK, how *are* you? Wishing you (and everyone) lots of and even , because we all deserve it!

[CariOfOz]

Originally Posted by aweynsayl

meanwhile-- where are people? clay? cari? maia? bluets? gun? gak. i've got some "irl" friendships that are seriously fading, so i'm feeling the lack even more. i *was* trying to stay off line for the weekend, but i'm really feeling painfully alone, so i'll probably be back.....

hope everyone is well!!!!

I'm 'around' hun... I'm only making it in here every couple of days lately it seems As much as I LOVE to see what everyone is up to, and feel involved, right now I'm just managing enough energy to keep myself going for some reason? Still not sleeping well, but I started thyroxine 10days ago, so hopefully in another couple of weeks all the issues related to that will start to wane and I'll feel more like ME again. It's been about 6 months or so of this and I'm out of energy to cope.

I'm also trying to cut my computer time way back.. not feeling as 'involved' with my kids & my 'life' (not that I have much of one outside of my family!) and I need to use the little mojo I've got with them intstead of on here... BUT I do try to pop in so that at least I'm in touch Because even if I was otherwise net free, I can't imagine losing the awesome company of you mamas! I still can't believe that I've been posting on this thread for about 3years now.

Aweyn..my suggestion is to slip into the I can't wait to be there and I'm planning like a crazy woman! mode Planning, making lists, etc always perks me up!

Hope everyone is enjoying wonderful springy (or autumny if you're here.. it was 3c last night!) weather

[Valerie.Qc]

Hugs to those who feel down. I'm sending you some of the good vibes I've picked at yoga class!

Once again, it was fantastic! And how timely: we worked on the Sexual Chakra, related to the Moon, on New Moon day!

I've done so much work on feeling the energies, visualizing the flows and putting intention into my movement in the last few years that the yoga/movement part of the class become easy (even though I'm a rookie). Once she explain the intention of the movement and show it once, it feels like it comes naturally from the inside. It's really strange. My hands lands at the right height for each Chakras, my body moves instinctively in the right direction, ... Pretty magical!

[wombatclay]

I'm around-ish.... Tor is bumping his head against milestones and is very distracting right now. I can't nak easily now and he is off like a shot sooooo... I'll try to catch up this weekend. Till then, hugs and hoola hoops!

[Autumn Breeze]

I am planning to read from page 2.5 until the end in the morning w/ my coffee

[Aeress]

Morning! Having coffee and planning our day. I have lots to do but what is most important is getting a rain barrell for more than half-off. It has been on our list of 'take care of the earth' materials and I am happy to get it.

[mamaofthree]

farmer's market, plants for peace sale, maybe the beach...fun fun fun!

h

[femme_rouge]

Plan for the day: clean up a little, Farmers' Market, and a fun party for grownups and kids OR drive 7 hours to pick up my son. My DP took my 4 yo on a trip with him. It took a lot of convincing for me to feel OK about it. Last night, the first night, DP and DS called me at 1:30 am. DS was a wreck and wanted to come home. I'm waiting for a call to see how things are going. I feel so bad. He's just too little to anticipate what it means to be away from mama like this. Sigh.

Cari- so good to "see" you. Sorry you're having a rough time with energy. I hope it all gets sorted out quick. It must be rough especially doing all the things you do.