May Queer Conceptions 2010 - Page 8

[Newbian Mama]

AmandaMom - I've never read The Secret Life of Bees but I did enjoy the movie. I liked their names. Actually, I believe little souls name themselves so we'll see if it's at least a name from my list

Only three more days until you test!!

Don't worry, I won't post on your wall questions about your vagina. I love you guys!

OMG, for some reason that made me crack up. Something about the vagina wall posting!

Coco99 - I'm sorry the Clomid threw your cycle off. I hope you get a clear yay or nay very soon. It's tough to be in limbo for you and for your DP.


I did not realize you're French! lol! Of course you know what Fleur means I like Samuel as well and as you said, it really is a multilingual name. My second favorite French girl's name is Genvieve. It was my French teacher's name (well it's still her name, but I'm no longer under her tutelage) and I adored her and her name. I don't like the American pronunciation though, it hurts my ears.

Miss Scarlett - So glad to hear the saliva monitor is working out for you. I've heard great things about it and consider(ed) getting one for myself. I hope less TTC-induced stress leads to a BFP

indigoscot - I wrote my first and only program using Basic for DOS. Good times... but I thought playing Oregon Trail on the Apple IIe was much more fun

LibraryLady - Ha! You make me laugh. I was at the grocery store today too and saw the Mother's Day frenzy. I'm one of those last minute flower buyers though! I'm totally afraid of killing them, or more likely, forgetting to take them to my mom

I am so sorry you missed your O. It's such a %*^#!@# hard thing to catch sometimes! I missed my O in February so I know how you feel. For some reason the OPKs I had previous success with stopped working. I don't know if I got a bad batch or what. Are you going to switch brands?

Thanks for asking about me I'm doing great. Saw my mom for breakfast this morning and I plan to read the rest of the day. You have quite the varied book selection. I know that's a perk of your job but do you have to read the really bad ones too? Can you just stop mid-book or do you have to review the books?

Can you believe I've never read any Shakespeare?! How I managed to escape him I don't know but I'm glad I did. I can't get with ye olde English

Escher - How ya feeling?

AFM - I'm at 12dpo and FF suggests I test in Wednesday which will be 15dpo. I once had a 16 day luteal phase so I'll probably wait until that Sunday to test. Gosh I keep pushing the day back. Maybe I really will wait until the 31st

[LibraryLady]

Newbian~ Reading all the billion books is a perk of the job, and I do indeed get to stop mid-book if it's not getting better. Or at least skim to the end, which is usual. Some of them are so comically bad it's fun to read, but some of them are just tedious. I have one in my stack called "Bobby Blanchard--Lesbian Gym Teacher" and I can't wait to get to it.

As for my O~ there's nothing wrong with the OPK's, it's the progesterone. It made this cycle sligtly shorter so I O'd before I'd even started testing. I knew it though~ my cm was right and I just knew it inside myself with this awareness I now have since I've started this whole odyssey. It's good in a way~ it's been a tighter money month than we'd anticipated, we're going to NYC next weekend and this way I won't have to be worried and careful. It's good and disappointing too, but not the fault of the opks.

Good thoughts to everyone xoo!

[AmandaMom]

Coco - Happy Mother's Day to you and DP! I know in my heart you both will be celebrating next year with a little baby. I have heard of Clomid making LP's longer, but enough is enough, right? I truly hope a BFP or AF is just around the corner so you both can move on. P.S. I've been brushing up on my Google French.

Miss Scarlett - Hooray for Ovacue! I'm glad to hear it's working out for you. Best of luck choosing a new donor.

Library - So sorry you missed your O. It sounds like you know the exact cause, and maybe it was a blessing in disguise.

Newbian Mama - that AF doesn't show before the weekend! As for The Secret Life Of Bees, the book is much better than the movie. That's usually the case, isn't it? I do have to say they did a great job with the movie, though. And I love Queen Latifah!

AFU, DP's brother is hosting Mother's Day at his house this evening. He, his wife, our two nephews, and DP's parents will all be there. It's times like these when I need a drink! I will behave, though. BIL is making (vegan)fajitas, so that should be yummy.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mommies and soon-to-be Mommies!

[LibraryLady]

AmandaM~ Keep strong! Sometimes families require a beer or two and it's tough when you can't have one! The vegan fajitas sound good~ let us know the recipe!

[Miss Scarlett]

LibraryLady~
We missed my O last month, I didnt listen to my better judgement when I knew all my signs were there, even though I never got a positive OPK. I KNOW you are so disappointed Try to look forward to having a couple more weeks to get your body "just perfect" for that little bean next month.

Am I the only one who is super excited for Mother's Day weekend to be over?!?

[justrose13]

Originally Posted by Miss Scarlett

Am I the only one who is super excited for Mother's Day weekend to be over?!?

no. i had a rough weekend... starting friday. a friend at work went out and bought a bunch of roses and gave one, with a card, to every woman in my dept (we are all women). my card said something to the effect of: i'm hoping that this time next year you will know the joys and excitement of being a mother. the sentiment was sweet, i know she meant well, but it was hard for me because this was the weekend i was going to break the news to the world about our pregnancy... she knew about the miscarriage, but i guess she couldn't have known that it would upset me. it wasn't the card that upset me really, like i said i think it was sweet to include me. however, it just brought up all of those feelings again. sigh.
then on mother's day my uncle had his 9mo son baptised, so we were at church (and we don't do church) and the sermon (or whatever you call it) was all focused on mothers day. DP started crying during it and in turn i started crying. then of course there was a luncheon afterwards and my family is full of LOs under 5years. i am the oldest of all of my cousins and most of them have one or more kids already. ugh. i mean, i love them all and it's not their fault that we don't yet... but it was still very hard for DP and i. i couldn't even hold any of the babies, i was just too bitter. at least DP was able to interact with them better than i, otherwise i start to feel like everyone will notice the bitter, jaded lesbians who won't interact with the babies. they all, mostly, know that we are TTC... i'm surprised we didn't get any questions about it, maybe they actually saw the sense in refraining from questioning. they tend to ask every other time we see them.
sorry about the rant
hope everyone has a great week... i'll be back later to try and do some personals... i am reading along and thinking of you all.
xo

[LibraryLady]

Scarlett and Wehrli~ I never thought I'd be so happy for a Monday! Glad that weekend's over. Wehrli, that does sound like an ordeal (though any time I have to go to church it's pretty torturous). It sounds extra awful for you, and I'm glad it's done. I totally understand what you mean about feeling bitter and not even wanting to hold their kids. I avoided facebook last night (and will tonight) so that I don't have to see pix of my cousin's baby. How mean am I? But we're all still moving forward.

My chart is maybe the ugliest chart this cycle that anyone's ever seen. I'm glad in a way that we missed the O and didn't waste our sperms and money~ I don't think anyone could predict anything from this info!!

[escher]

Hi Everyone,

LibraryLady: I'm sorry you missed your O. That must mean you'll be going for a February baby--me too! I think February will be a great month to have a baby.

Wehrli: What a tough weekend.

AmandaMom: I hope you survived your mother's day evening, and that it wasn't too painful! Nice temp spike yesterday!

Newbian Mama: Good luck with the last few days of the wait!

Miss Scarlett: I'm so glad that the OvaCue is less stressful! Choosing donors can be hard--good luck with that!

Coco: What a tough wait this has been! How are you holding up?

Chiquitayy: I hope your inseminations are going well! Good luck with the house and the job search!

Seraf: What did you think about Babies? I saw it this weekend too, and I thought it was cute but not as incredible as I had hoped it would be.

Lauren: I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. Not liking your job AND having to deal with TTC is a lot.

AFU: Since it doesn't seem like the opk or monitor is a good indicator of when we should do IUIs, we spent some time this weekend rereading the Brill chapter on timing and thinking about what signs are most useful indicators that it is time to schedule the appointments (Chart stalkers--I would love your opinion if you feel like taking a look at my charts ). I also reread her opinion on doing three IUIs: "We know it is absolutely cost prohibitive for most, but when people move to three IUIs a cycle they almost always conceive that cycle." Three would be VERY expensive, but "almost always" is an appealing prediction. Any thoughts on that? Has anyone tried three IUIs? Thank you!

[Miss Scarlett]

Escher: The first cycle that we TTC (Oct. 08), we did three ICI's and got pregnant. I miscarried at 9 weeks, but it's the only time that we did three AND the only time we conceived. We did them 12 hrs apart, with the first one 12 hrs after my positive OPK.

Coincidentally, that was also the last three vials of a specific sample of our donor, and everything we used after that was from a subsequent sample (same donor), so I also wonder if maybe something wasn't quite right in the freezing process of that second sample?

All of that to say that this next time, we are going to bite the bullet and do three insems as I feel like our biggest issue has been timing, and obviously doing one cycle of three and actually GETTING PREGNANT is cheaper than doing two insems a cycle for the next year. It looks like the donor we are leaning toward only has IUI samples available at this time...so it's looking like thats the route we'll go.

AFM: Can y'all permit me a donor rant? So we were completely in love with our last donor (figuratively speaking), but he was retired by the bank so he's no longer an option. He was the perfect blend of the things that were important to both of us, but obviously it wasnt meant to be. SO onto a new donor search we go.

My issue is this, Im adopted, and didnt meet my bio parents till I was 20. The thing is, Im EXACTLY like them. Like freaky like them. I look *just* like my mother, within 5 minutes we were finishing each others sentences, we have the same likes & dislikes. I have my father's sense of humor, sports background etc. I feel like that knowledge of nature vs nurture is hindering my ability to pick a donor because I know that really, no matter WHAT we do when raising our little peanut, they are going to have a HUGE amount of that donor in their personality, looks, likes, etc. SO I have put this pressure of picking the *perfect* one on myself. I know it's silly, and everyone struggles in this department, but the firsthand knowledge I have seems to be a little fear nugget that is hanging out in the back of my head. Even though I felt like I had grown up to be what my adoptive parents molded me into, once I met my birth parents, it became insanely obvious that I was on this path genetically rather than by teaching or coincidence.

That said, this is also why we are going with an open donor. I would have been furious had I not at least had the option of finding my birth parents, and it has been so rewarding to have them in my life, I want my kids to have that same option

**end rant** (thanks yall)

[korey]

O Drama

Hey Ladies,
So we had a bit of drama here yesterday! If you recall, the new RE I'm seeing wanted me to get another follicle u/s today or tomorrow. On Thursday, I had 2 follicles that were 7mm, and he didn't think I'd O til Wednesday or Thursday of this week. He gave us his cell, and said to call if I got my LH surge before then.

So yesterday morning (CD13), the CB Digital went positive. New Choice ($tree) and First Response are negative. We debate calling him, and decide to wait and see what happens later in the day.

So I test again around 8pm, and CB is positive, New Choice is positive, and First Response is negative. He had previously said to inseminate (ICI) the night of the OPK+, and 24 hours later. But my u/s is scheduled for today, and I'm in panic mode.

We call him, and the first thing he says is "Okay, tell your husband to bring in his sample tomorrow morning." After taking some time to remind him of who I am (can't fault him though, only saw him once and all his patients have his cell), he says that he stands by his assertion that I won't ovulate til around Wednesday and NOT to inseminate yet.

He orders blood work for first thing this morning, which I got, and I have my u/s appt this afternoon. Then I'm going to talk to him later this afternoon when the results are in. (BTW, he's about 90 minutes away, and I'm getting all the tests locally, not in his office.)

So that should be that, right? Nope! Not for me! I spent hours stressing last night. Who do I listen to? The doc? The Brill book (which is in total disagreement to the doc)? My instincts? And what are my instincts even telling me??? My cervix is open, but is it high enough? Is that watery CM, or egg white CM? (I think yesterday it was actually watery, not egg white, which makes me feel better!) What if I go to the u/s and the follicles are gone? Then what??

DP and my mom both said that we should just wait and listen to the doc. If we miss it this month, it's not the end of the world. And my mom even said I could blame her if we miss it! (But I wouldn't do that.)

So this morning, the CB is +, New Choice is +, and the First Response is finally +. So that's comforting. If we had only been using FR, I wouldn't have freaked out because the surge would have been perfect timing. Maybe the CB and NC are just a little too sensitive? Ugh!!

Either way, I got my blood work, and will find out the size of my follicles this afternoon. I'll certainly keep you all posted when we talk to the doc! At this point though, my instincts are clearly telling me tonight, and then 18-24 hours later.

The worst part about all this is.... ME!!! I am a freaking lunatic!! I certainly get stressed sometimes, but not like this. I really need to take control of myself, since that's really the only thing I CAN control in this process. I've been going to yoga, meditating, exercising, journaling, and I'm still a freaking nut job. My mom keeps telling me that I need to learn to chill out now, because I'll be even worse when I am pregnant. I know she's right. Maybe I need even more yoga and meditation!!

Okay, thanks for letting me vent. I'll post an update later, and do some personals, too. Hope everyone is off to a good start this week!

[Miss Scarlett]

Korey: WHOA SISTER!!!

You arent a nutjob, but I DO KNOW how overwhelming it is, especially the MORE information you have! Sending you sweet and relaxing thoughts today, try to focus on what you CAN do.

Keep us posted!

[indigoscot]

korey, you are NOT a nutjob. reading your post brings back memories of me freaking out over my insems, then dp's insems while she remained relaxed and worry-free! i hope the bloodwork and u/s goes well today.

miss scarlett, the donor that gave us both our sons is our perfect donor. alas, we only have 2 vials left for baby #3 and he has been retired for several years and doesn't want to be reactivated and the other families we know either have none left or are using the ones they have. we did go through the process of chosing another donor last year and went ahead and bought several vials so we wouldn't have to go through the selection process again. interesting to note though that although ds1 looks JUST.LIKE.ME., he has dp's personality. so far ds2 is dp's mini-me and has a very laid-back personality. if we have to use our second donor for baby #3 it won't be the end of the world but stilll...i know where you're coming from.

g

[AmandaMom]

Library - Yesterday with the in-laws was not so bad. DP had a harder time of it, actually. She just wasn't feeling up to it, I guess. The food was great. I'm not sure what BIL's recipe was, but the fajitas were delicious. SIL made some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies that I also indulged in. I have to keep reminding myself that eating for two is no excuse this early in the game... or I'm going to end up looking pregnant before that BFP!

Wehrli - Sorry you had such a rough weekend. I think Mother's Day and being around children in general can be especially tough for those of us trying to have our first. You and DP stay strong! s to you both.

escher - Your charts seem fairly clear to me. I don't see the days you inseminate on there, though, so I can't form an opinion about your timing. How many insems are you currently doing each cycle? No matter what, I think doing three will definitely increase your chances. I'm thinking of moving to two per cycle myself. It's just so expensive! Miss Scarlett was right, though. Doing one pricey cycle of three insems is cheaper than doing two every month for a year.

Miss Scarlett - I hope you find the perfect donor! That was definitely the hardest TTC decision we've made so far.

korey - Ahhh waiting to O. It's just awful, isn't it? You are not crazy. I think meditation and yoga are great ways to relieve stress. Feel free to let it all out here on the board! Just remember, you will catch that elusive egg, and you will get a BFP. It will happen!!! Keep us posted on the results of your tests and u/s.

indigoscot - Thanks for sharing all your knowledge with us. It really is helpful!

AFM, I couldn't wait any longer and tested today at 11dpo. BFN. Temp also went back to it's usual post-O value after yesterday's spike. I know it's not over until AF shows, but it's still a little disappointing. I really just haven't been feeling it this cycle... Even before O, I felt like next cycle (try #3) would be the one with the BFP. So I'm keeping my chin up and waiting for AF to show.

[LibraryLady]

Sounds like everyone's been busy, both in their real lives and ttc lives!

Korey~ yikes! I agree you're not a nut, this is all just so incredibly stressful, and there are so many factors outside of our control, most of which cost money that not too many of us have in abundance. Trust your own knowledge and instincts, and don't let the docs push you around!


Scarlett~ thanks for the info about three insems per cycle. That is absolutely cost prohibitiver for us, but that 'almost always' does make it torturous!! I'm working summer school this summer and will likely spend a good chunk of that on insems. The thing that irked me the most about missing my O this month is that if I had access to the stuff on demand it wouldn't have been an issue, I could've been 'doing it' in all the possible days, but instead it's just the one tiny window. Grrr...

How are our 2ww-ers? Coco? What's going on with you? Newbian? AmandaM~ I'm sorry you got a bfn, but 11 dpo is still early. Keep eating those cookies!!!

It's going to be a stormy afternoon her in OK and the children at school are ALL INSANE!! the barometric pressure hypes them all up, so it's krazy day at the school for sure.

Good thoughts to all! And you're right Wehrli~ Feb babies would be the absolute best!

[maxK]

Coco99 and NewbianMom- thank you for the words of encouragement. People keep telling me they think I'm pregnant this time but I don't feel one bit different. One good sign is that my temps have been up and I am not spotting the way I usually do.

QOTD- I am a professor of web design and interactive media. I am also working on my doctorate in education. The focus of my research will be using arts integration for college students in a transitional English class. I will be doing my research this summer (hopefully) to explore student feedback.

AFM- I am just starting to get sick of the TWW! I'm getting antsy but I want to hold off on testing!

[lauren726]

Hi Everyone,

I had an HSG this morning. My tubes are clear and everything looked good. I guess I must just have bad timing or bad luck.

QOTD: I'm an attorney. I currently work for a regional civil rights non-profit organization doing impact litigation, and before this job I worked as a public defender. My undergraduate degrees are in Women's Studies and Psychology. I went to law school because at the time I didn't think I wanted to go into academia, and I thought that I would work in an activist/community organizing/social justice capacity with a law degree. I've come to the conclusion that I just don't really want to be an attorney. The work is either boring (civil litigation) or crazy fast-paced and stressful (criminal law) to me, and I just don't think that I want to practice law. My problem is that I don't really know what I do want to do (and that I have crazy law school student loan debt...).

[korey]

Update

lauren - glad your tubes were clear! Was the HSG painful??

library - so sorry you missed O! That really sucks, and I feel for you. Sounds like you're doing a great job coping, despite the disappointment.

AmandaMom - your temp only dipped back to where it had been so there is still a good chance! And remember what you said after your "tenaculum experience": it's always the crazy cycles that produce the BFPs!

Miss Scarlet - Wow! I can certainly understand your wanting to pick the perfect donor, especially based on your own life experiences. I think that times like these call for listening to your instincts. It might take a little time, but you'll find another perfect donor, and you'll know him when you see him!

escher - I'm wondering if you've played around with different OPKs? I see you've used them in the past. I know for me, some months First Response gives me a clear +, and some months it doesn't. But Clear Blue seems to be much more sensitive. Just a thought, but I'm not sure how helpful it is!

wehrli - what a sucky day! I hope this week is off to a good start for you! Have you decided whether or not you're going ahead this cycle, or waiting it out?

newbian - How ya feeling today?? Glad you liked that movie clip!

coco - Any news?

Library, indigoscot, Miss Scarlet, AmandaMom - thanks for your kind words. I appreciate them!

AFM: Got my results. The 2 follicles that were 7mm on Thursday are 20mm today. We didn't miss it! And those puppies grew quick!

I'm relieved, and it's nice to know that my follicles mature on their own to a good size.

The doc says to inseminate tonight and tomorrow.

Worth noting: If we had followed the Brill book and either looked for "3 signs to line up" or "inseminated with frozen sperm at a faint positive on an OPK," we would have been way too early.

And a funny story: After leaving the ultrasound place, I mentioned to DP that the tech used A LOT of u/s gel. DP wanted to call the lab just to double check and make sure that the gel wasn't going to be dangerous to sperm. So she calls, pretending to be me, and says "I was just there for an ultrasound, and the woman used a lot of lube on me, and I was just wondering..."

She gets off the phone and I'm like "OMG! You couldn't have said ultrasound gel??? You had to say lube???"

Okay, ladies, I'm off to make my baby!!! Wish me luck!

[Coco99]

What a &%$*@#?&$? day !

Good evening everyone !

So we STILL dont know for sure !! This morning, temp went down so we figured AF was just around the corner... 2 hours later, DP had cramps and spotted a bit....... and then it suddently all just stopped. No more cramps, spotting still but nothing like her usual first day of AF... and she had to come home this afternoon because she was really really dizzy........ which is just wierd and completely unusual. So this is so wierd that we still are unsure what is going on.

On top of that I had the day from HELL at work... I am discouraged, depressed and very much overtired.... and really really cranky !!! lol

Wherli : Sorry about the sad weekend....... I hear ya.

Everyone else... take care, I'll be back in the swing of things soon... right now I just dont have the energy to write... or even to think...

Coco


PS, just a quick question..... lets say AF does kick in in the morning, do we count today as CD1 or not ? Because DP is supposed to take clomid for CD 3-7... so I guess we need to know !!


xx

[AmandaMom]

Library Lady - I hope you made it through the afternoon with all those wild children around! I thought it was funny you said the barometric pressure makes 'em crazy. I can see how that's possible!

max - High temps and no spotting sound good! I certainly understand about getting antsy in the TWW. What dpo are you? When do you plan to test? I'll keep my fingers crossed for ya!

Lauren - Yippee for clear tubes! I'm sorry you don't like your work anymore. DP is going through the same thing. I really don't know what to say to her. People deserve to do something they actually enjoy and get paid for it. I hope you find that some day soon.

Korey - That story about the u/s gel CRACKED ME UP! Thanks for lifting my spirits with that one. Good luck with your inseminations!

Coco - So sorry you had such a bad day. I believe CD1 is always the first day of full bleeding, so if AF shows tomorrow, then tomorrow will be CD1.

[kkearney1982]

Originally Posted by korey

And a funny story: After leaving the ultrasound place, I mentioned to DP that the tech used A LOT of u/s gel. DP wanted to call the lab just to double check and make sure that the gel wasn't going to be dangerous to sperm. So she calls, pretending to be me, and says "I was just there for an ultrasound, and the woman used a lot of lube on me, and I was just wondering..."

She gets off the phone and I'm like "OMG! You couldn't have said ultrasound gel??? You had to say lube???"

Okay, ladies, I'm off to make my baby!!! Wish me luck!

1) That's awesome! So, does u/s gel affect sperm? I need to know!

2) Good luck...and enjoy the baby making!

AFU: We're still in the 2ww, and we have 2 possible KDs if we get a BFN (now to pick! See my other thread, lol). Now our debate comes down to whether to go through a clinic and have to use frozen sperm (gives us/KD more legal protection, and is more convenient for KD long term because it only is 1 week of donations and one round of testing for several months of sperm--both guys are not in a relationship, and while they are safe, they still enjoy the company of multiple partners), or fresh at home (more convenient day-to-day in terms of time and workdays, and more effective, so fewer months, possibly, but would require testing every month, see above note about their sex lives lol, which DW feels is too much to ask a KD).

But hopefully this is all a moot point, and I am currently incubating the love child of an Adam Baldwin look-a-like! I hate that I'm on the stupid progesterone, so all this crampy, moody, nauseous-ness I'm having I can't even attribute to pregnancy! Oh, and I'm only 6dpo, so it's way too early anyway, lol.

lauren - Yay for clear tubes--it was a relief for me too.

library - ugh, I'm really nervous about moving away from the injectables, for that reason!

AmandaMom - good luck hon, I haven't been temping with the drugs, because it's artificially high, but I can imagine how stressful it is--but it's still early!

Miss Scarlet - I hear you about perfect donors. We thought we had one, but he didn't pan out, and now we've got two great guys that we know who want to do it, and a gorgeous backup guy from one of those kind of sketchy "free sperm donor" yahoo groups. Things will work out, they really will!

sorry, everyone else...I've been slacking on the following along!

Kate