I don't have much helpful advice to offer b/c I sincerely can't imagine your situation. But I agree w/the jannan that it took guts to post so honestly here.
It doesn't sound to me like you need any more "you" time. The few times I have found myself feeling somewhat like this - "me" time has only made me want more "me" time - kwim? But people are different...so what's been true for me might not apply to you.
I do have a very difficult marriage with a less than helpful spouse so I can relate to your frustration on that level. It sucks to say the least.
However, I have never found myself at the point where I didn't enjoy my kids. Momentarily...of course :LOL but never with any consistency or a staying feeling of "I don't want to be a mom." In fact, I've always been really critical of moms who work outside the home and don't have to and
about how having time to themselves and a career and their own life makes them a "better mother" - what a bunch of crap rationalization I'd think to myself.
You've really given me some food for thought on this biased gut reaction I have. You've presented yourself so simply and eloquently, I can *almost* imagine how you feel even though I am probably one of the most pro-SAHM souls you will find.
I'm not sure what advice to offer, like I said, but I wanted you to know that your post helped me a bit w/my judgement issues. My gut reaction is like that of your dh - toughen up, tough crap because your kids need YOU - not some other mother who will be more into it.
It's like with my dh, yeah, I could probably find a better guy, but he would still have problems and he would never be my kids dad, no one could ever replace my dh in that respect even if they were "better" at it, you know?
Do you not VALUE yourself as a SAHM? Do you feel like mommying is beneath you? I'm not trying to be judgemental here, I'm trying to get at exactly WHY you don't like being a mom. Please don't think I'm trying to flame you or anyone else. But I think a huge part of our feminist culture says that being just a mom is not enough and it's selling ourselves short, when I don't find that to be the case at all. I'm wondering if that's playing a part in this struggle for you.
Do you feel RESENTFUL that your kids have kept you from what you really want to do? Like Art? Or work? Or some career? Do you feel like they are in the way?
Obviously, you don't get a lot of support in any way, shape or form from your DH - that is definitely part of the problem. And again, I can relate to this. I am also on Zoloft and it helps, but I still find when I'm having my brief "I hate my kids" moments, it is usually precipitated by him being an a$$ to me. And so...displacement. I can't blame DH any more than I should blame myself, but when he treats me like crap is when I am most likely to be short with my kids and irritated by all the care and energy they consume that dh rarely appreciates, recognizes and definitely doesn't put back into me. It's a vicious cycle and again, he's the catalyst for my behavior, but ultimately not the cause, I have control of that and I need to be better at taking control of my own bad behavior.
babbling now. Like I said, not sure I have anything to offer, but I do appreciate your honesty. I wish you well. And I thank you for making me think about my own judgemental feelings towards those that might be in your situation.