? / Discussion for mommas who have grown more modest for faith reasons

[Momma Aimee]

I am feeling less and less confortable with my clothing -- which is already fairly modest my MS standards -- i have never believed in advertising what i am not selling.

But I feel I need to change more.

I am to talk to Dh about this. I worry he will think i am silly, or this is jsut another silly idea.

I also -- don't want to draw more attention to myself rather than less by all of sudden being drastically differnt than i have been

and worse -- i fear startng down this path, and failing adn looking the fool

and i am also kinda wimp -- i worse jeans to the zoo this weekend and i though i was gonna die -- i was so hot and hated how sweaty my legs felt in the jeans ....

thoughts?

[Nickarolaberry]

Well, I dress 'modestly' for religious reasons (although my definitions will be different than yours, and that's cool! ).

I am not sure you need to really discuss it as much as grow into it. I'm sure your dh can respect your wanting to bring your spiritual being and your way of dressing into sync. It's not like you're going to wear a burlap bag or something.

I don't think you'll look like a fool? What is failure here, anyway? What is success? No one is giving you a rule book; this is for you to find your own road with.

I wear skirts anyway, but airy longer peasant style skirts are *much* more comfortable in the heat than jeans, IMHO. With a cute t-shirt and sandals (or sneakers), it's modest and stylish, and no need to feel out of sync with the rest of the world. ETA: sometimes I wear lightweight bike shorts underneath the airy long skirts to avoid 'chafe' problems. YMMV.

No worries, mama, this is a valuable journey to explore -- whatever your eventual conclusions (and don't be afraid to let those shift over time, too).

[rhiandmoi]

How covered are wanting to go? I personally want to increase my modesty for spirituality reasons, but I don't have a faith directing me as to what is appropriate, so I set the level myself. For me it is about honoring the sacred feminine, but I want to "walk unseen" in the environment too. So I just ask my DH what he would think about this or that if I am not sure how "regular" people would react to something I'm thinking about. For me it is nothing about what other people should do, and only about what I should do - so being unobtrusive is almost more important to me than what I cover. The other day I asked him what it would seem like if I started covering my hair. Right now we're thinking no on scarves, maybe on kerchiefs, and yes on funky hats. So far, I have not actually started to cover my hair, but I have a plan to go to the mall and check out some kerchief options this week.

Anyway, I totally second switching to skirts for outdoors hot weather events. SO much more comfortable. And if you let yourself get used to one thing before moving on to the next thing it will probably be easier. So if your first call to cover is for your legs, I would start with getting some long skirts, dresses, light weight pants, etc.

[CherryBomb]

You can definitely dress modestly and still look stylish. coldwatercreek.com has a lot of great stuff. It's also important, imo, to dress in a way that's pleasing to your dh. Definitely go for long flowing skirts for hot weather! Keeps you covered AND cool at the same time!

The bike shorts under skirts is a GREAT idea!

[Shami]

Hi, this is such a personal issue, meaning individual issue. My clothing, jewelry, makeup, hair, etc. sort of changed gradually. It was like your experience. I just became uncomfortable wearing certain things, so I stopped wearing it. I didn't give it away immediately because I wasn't sure if it was a long lasting change.
One thing I noticed is that if the Lord was doing it in me...if the source of the change was really the Lord, then there was no effort needed on my part, nor was I sad to see it go.

On the other hand, if I was placing a law on myself, or trying to be like others, it didn't last long and eventually I went back to my old self, which is fine.

I just let it happen in the Lord's timing. If the chage wasn't the result of an inward transformation, eventually it would come back, but that's okay. It wasn't a failure in my book. It just meant that the Lord didn't do it yet. It must have been me doing it.

The other thing that I realized is that our appearance can be an idol, something that we hold onto in our heart. One day I was putting my makeup on and the Lord said so clearly, I don't want you to wear it anymore. So I stopped wearing it for months. I felt so free! One day I found it in my closet and I asked the Lord, Can I wear it now? I couldn't believe it when He said, Yes. This same thing has happened with dying my hair.
Now I can take it or leave it. I have a lot of gray hair, salt n pepper style. I don't think the Lord cares if we dye our hair or wear makeup. I think He cares if it is an idol in our heart. That is why it is such and individual experience. Whatever is an idol in my heart, may not be in yours.

So, just let the Lord touch you in every area of your appearance. Ask Him with a genuine seeking heart to show you what He wants.

I love long skirts in the summer, too! J. Jill and Talbots have a lot of conservative clothes.

[Shami]

Another trick for chaffing is deodorant between your thighs. Smooth and smells good too!
Or you can buy this product called Glide that runners use.

[Tjej]

I know what you mean. I have thought about making changes but HAVE talked about it with my DH and he does just think it is silly. I mean, he doesn't want to belittle me, but he doesn't want to be different either, and the idea of me dressing differently bothers him.

I guess I'm no help, I just haven't really bought any clothes for a couple of years to avoid the issue.

Tjej

[merpk]

You know, it doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing kind of thing, when you're first getting into it.

Buy one longer skirt. Get used to wearing it on occasion. Then maybe stop wearing halter tops, or tank tops, or whatever. One thing at a time, get yourself (and your partner/DH) used to it. And just gradually, as you feel comfortable with it, get into it.

When I "changed over" it was a very long, drawn out process. The last step was when I stopped wearing pants, and I very specifically did that when my older DD turned 3. But by then I was so used to "conscious dressing" that it was a nonissue beyond no longer wearing my favorite pair of pants.

[Momma Aimee]

thanks

[Liquesce]

Jeans are murder in heat. I see men out a lot who aren't comfortable in shorts but don't really know what else to wear but jeans, and I feel so sorry for them. Western women's fashions definitely have more room for being covered, being cool, and -- while perhaps still not being dressed quite like everyone else -- not looking like one is wearing something totally culturally incongruous.

If you like the idea of pants but just not the experience of heavier, snugger materials like denim, there are other options. I myself have a lot of lightweight rayon wide-legged pants that are just as cool as the thinnest, loosest skirts. (If you don't mind the wrinkles lightweight linens are another good option.) I swear on my life that wide-legged pants that are cut wide from the thigh and flow down instead of from the knee don't look like you're trying to do a 60s bellbottom rehash. Done right they just look really classic, and are super-comfortable.

[Momma Aimee]

Originally Posted by Liquesce

Jeans are murder in heat. I see men out a lot who aren't comfortable in shorts but don't really know what else to wear but jeans, and I feel so sorry for them. Western women's fashions definitely have more room for being covered, being cool, and -- while perhaps still not being dressed quite like everyone else -- not looking like one is wearing something totally culturally incongruous.

If you like the idea of pants but just not the experience of heavier, snugger materials like denim, there are other options. I myself have a lot of lightweight rayon wide-legged pants that are just as cool as the thinnest, loosest skirts. (If you don't mind the wrinkles lightweight linens are another good option.) I swear on my life that wide-legged pants that are cut wide from the thigh and flow down instead of from the knee don't look like you're trying to do a 60s bellbottom rehash. Done right they just look really classic, and are super-comfortable.

I think that is where i am headed right now.

SHorts to the knees for like the beach on vacation with the boys (or crepri)

getting rid of all my slevless shirts (DH doesn't really like anyway) ---- that however is going to be like 3/4 of my sun dresses and summer nice clothing

Jeans for hiking and working outside with the guys (dad and boys).

I am not going to buy anything new that is above the elbows or the knees.

I am 2 pair of knee lenght jeans and i still feel ok in them.

Thanks fot the help ladies, i am still gadl to hear more thoughts

[Nickarolaberry]

Your sundresses (if they have longer flowier skirts) would look cute with a tshirt underneath!

[Momma Aimee]

Originally Posted by Nickarolaberry

Your sundresses (if they have longer flowier skirts) would look cute with a tshirt underneath!

they all have long skirts (calf lenght) I had not thought of that -- i have been wearing "sweaters" over them and that looks kinda funny. I nure is most of them so it is a non-issue at least this summer 9as it has been since 2004 when i got preggo and was too big that summer ... and nurseing or preggo since) ....that is a great idea though,

[Liquesce]

I think in the spring especially the right sun dress with a pretty, light button-front cardigan can be really pretty. I think sweaters *can* look funny, but the right sweaters can be great ... it's just kind of a retro look, you know? Like the days when a woman out for the afternoon might wear a floral print dress, pastel pearl-button sweater, and a hat. kwim? The over-layer sweaters from twin sets can be great for that, since twin sets are kind of by definition retro.

ETA: Oh, and if you're comfy in capris, shops that cater to a slightly older crowd often have a ton of them.

[philia]

Laf

Check out www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com. They have a ton of great links and blogs concerning modest dress.

[Tradd]

Coldwater Creek can be pretty pricey, but check their outlet area. My favorite long skirt comes from Land's End. It's available in regular & plus sizes. Wears like iron and very comfy.

http://www.landsend.com/pp/SolidNece...&origin=search

On top, I wear either the "t-shirt twin sets" from LL Bean (pima cotton t-shirt sleeveless shell underneath - easier for layering and button front one on top) or Land's End Fine Gauge cotton twin sets (short sleeve one underneath).

Since I hate hose (think they are the work of the devil!), I go without in summer. In winter, since all my skirts/shoes are black, I wear black opaque trouser socks (think thicker knee highs) and black capri length silk underwear bottoms from LL Bean. All one color, so if you happen to see the bottoms of the silk capris underneath when I sit down, you can't tell. I'm warm AND comfy!

ETA: for work, I just wear loose pants since it's easier to deal with. In summer, it's loose cropped black linen pants from Land's End (but I'm so short these are just about ankle-length for me) and in winter, loose cords from LL Bean.

Yes, these are my two favorite sources of clothing.

[umsami]

For me, it was a gradual process... not an all or nothing type thing. I slowly bought more modest things that I liked... and incorporated them into my wardrobe. I went from short sleeves to 3/4.... knee length skirts to midcalf... etc.

Coldwater Creek, if you like their stuff, has some pretty awesome sales. Like 70% off! I do find modest stuff at tons of other stores, though. 3/4 sleeve shirts and tunics are everywhere. Maxidresses are still in, I'm pretty sure. You can find those at Target or anyplace else. If you don't like the halter top look, just put a t-shirt underneath... whatever length sleeves you are comfortable with. Lands-End has more modest swimsuits. I buy a splash guard t-shirt and pants from a place called Splash Gear... but you may not feel the need to go that far in changing your dress. Still, it makes my dermatologist happy.

I've been pregnant (3rd trimester...very pregnant) three times in the summer time and found that going ethnic really was the most comfort. Cotton salwar kameez kept me very very cool. Sometimes I would Americanize(?) them by just wearing the tops with jeans, but honestly the salwar pants (think baggy haram pants) are so much cooler.

[Momma Aimee]

DH and I took the train in to NYC on Mother's DAY. (we are staying with BFF IN PA).

We talked -- he agress -- that i look better in jeans, pants, carpis etc .. and in NOT sleveless.

I made the point i am 38 and the mother of 2 boys and i do not want to look like the 17 yo babysitter.

COOL THING> I got 5 new tee-s....solid color. 3/4 slevel. 95% cotton adn 5% spandix. ok nurseing in them is not ideal ... but CAP is 2.5. DS1 weaned (CLW) at 3 so while i might go another year that shold be it. and while we do want to adopt i doubt i will get to BF again after this son. LIGHT WEIGHT> I had one like them before and love it. i saw them and they were cheap (5 for 20$) so we got them. 5 new shirts. DH wanted to get me some jeans, but to be honest i can get the plain jeans i wear at walmsrt -- and the jeans we were seeing were too 'trandy" for me anyway.



SO I am on my way and feeling better.

[akichan]

Subbing because I'm recently inspired to dress in skirts and more modestly, or more feminine, too. So excited to see this thread!

[holyhelianthus]

Originally Posted by akichan

Subbing because I'm recently inspired to dress in skirts and more modestly, or more feminine, too. So excited to see this thread!

This.

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