Waiting to Adopt NON DDC ~ May 2010

[BeckC]

This is a "Non Due Date Club" for all the Mamas waiting to adopt kiddos, whether newborn or older. We can share our stories, encourage each other while we wait and be patient (or not) for our little ones to arrive.

Feel free to join in if you are waiting for a foster kiddo, a relative or an adoption in any stage. We're not trying to be exclusive at all. Mamas who don't have any kids yet but who are waiting to adopt or foster a kiddo are also welcome. Also feel free to chime in if you have previously adopted and have stories or advice to share.

Please keep this thread supportive and gentle. We all have different journeys and different ways of "getting there".

Here is the link to April's NON DDC

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Waiting to Adopt DDC Roll Call!!!


BeckC (Rebecca)
Domestic Transracial Newborn Adoption
Homestudy approved 8/09
Waiting to be matched

Whistler (Erin)
International Adoption from Ethiopia
Starting the process

mamalemon
Domestic Newborn Adoption
Baby boy is home 9/09!
Waiting for finalization

mamarhu
Foster/adoptive parent, hoping to adopt DFC
Maybe waiting for 5yo twins, sibs of DFC

tiffani
International African adoption
Received referral for 2.5 year old boy and 5 mo old girl!
Waiting on a court date

lamamax3
Domestic Newborn Adoption
Licensed and waiting to be matched
Foster to Adopt through state
Starting classes

curliemama
Private domestic adoption
Baby girl is home 2/10!
Waiting for finalization

HeatherAtHome (Heather)
Hoping to foster/adopt
Bought a house, renovating before starting the process

candm
International Haitian adoption
Finalized, our son and daughter are home!

crl (Catherine)
Updating homestudies for China and Kyrgyzstan
Homestudy for domestic adoption approved 12/09
Matched with an emom having a girl due in April
Baby girl is home 4/10!
Waiting for finalization

sesa70 (Theresa)
Domestic Transracial Infant Adoption
Homestudy approved 11/09
Waiting for a match

airmide_m
Adoption plans on hold

chanibell
International Adoption
Thinking stage for #2

angie6191
Hoping to adopt current foster kiddos
Starting process for domestic transracial newborn adoption
Approved 11/09
Waiting for a match

azedazobollis (Christine)
Domestic Newborn Adoption
DD came home 12/08
Waiting for finalization

Polliwog (Beth)
Hoping to adopt DFD who is free for adoption
Hoping to finalize summer '10

DTmama1
Matched with sibling group from foster care
Ages 6, 9, 10, 11, and 13
Kids are moved in!

raqmykds (Raquel)
Transracial domestic adoption
Matched with an emom due 5/10!

someonenamedleah (Leah)
Domestic Transracial Infant Adoption
Baby boys born 1/09!

Alvenchrst
Foster/adopt
Working on paperwork

ftlmom2001
Domestic private adoption
Baby boy born 10/09!
Waiting for finalization

hdeering
Foster parents to 3 yo, 3 yo, and 5 month old.
Moving towards adoption with 2 out of 3, but maybe all 3.
TPR hearing for 1 or 2 of them in Jan.

excitedtobeamom
Adopting from Thailand
Waiting on referral (hopefully summer/fall 2010)

hi abbott
Working on agency paperwork

Luv-my-boys
Special needs Foster/Adopt through state
Approved, Waiting for $$ to finish homestudy

Crpsmnwife
International adoption from Ethiopia
Dossier approved
Waiting for a referral

Ttoes
Domestic Newborn Adoption
Homestudy approved
Waiting to be matched

SimplyRochelle (Rochelle)
Hoping to adopt from foster care
Working on paperwork

griffin2004
State Foster-to-Adopt Program
Waiting for a placement
Signed with private adoption attorney

christophersmom
Hoping to foster
Approved 10/09
Baby girl placed 1/10!
Waiting for finalization

leahcar
Homestudy approved 07/09
Hoping to adopt an older child (girl)
Matched with a 9 year old girl
Waiting for ICPC

ladycop79 (Heather B)
Hoping to foster
Taking MAPP classes

Sbrinton (Sara)
International African Adoption
Researching agencies

mightyisis6874
Domestic Infant Adoption
Applying with agency
Waiting for homestudy

willowbean
Licensing for foster hoping to foster-adopt
Working on home study

Bella Catalina
Hoping to adopt from Ethiopia
Researching agencies

Veronika01
Hoping to adopt
Researching programs

Mama K (Kim)
Domestic Transracial Newborn Adoption
Homestudy approved 12/09
Waiting to be matched

azmomtoone
Researching domestic and foster-adopt

just_lily
Domestic Public Adoption
Starting classes summer '10

Armom
Adoption through state foster care system
Homestudy approved
Waiting to be matched with a 2-5 year old

miche28
Domestic private adoption newborn through 2 years
Homestudy approved
Waiting for a match

alinae
International adoption from Taiwan
Received referral 4/10
Waiting to travel

sagewinna
Foster to adopt
Starting classes

Ladyofmoonlight
International adoption from DRC
Just beginning the process

queenjane
Hoping to adopt 2yo DFS and his 8 yo sister

krisnic
International adoption from Korea
Researching agencies

veganjoy
Foster to adopt
Completed training
Waiting for homestudy

JoyfamMama
Fostering and Foster to adopt
Waiting for homestudy

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Graduates

Whistler (Erin)
Domestic Transracial Newborn Adoption
Baby boy born on 9/29
Home on 10/9!
Finalized 4/10!

rebyell
Domestic adoption
Baby girl born 11/10/09
Baby is home!
Finalized 3/10!

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[BeckC]

Happy 1 year anniversary to our nonDDC!

I've sent out a bunch of PMs to members we haven't heard from in a while. And I've added a graduate section to the bottom of our list.


Nothing new since the non-situation last week. It was at least a decent dry run though of what we'd need to get together if we ever do need to travel last minute. I'm making lists. I like lists. They make me feel like I'm getting something done. lol

[Polliwog]

I got your PM but for some reason my computer won't let me respond.

The adoption committee should meet this month and approve Polliwog's adoption. There isn't anyone else that they're looking at so it should be just a formality. Her adoption should finalize sometime this summer. I've heard there's a backlog so it might be later. If it doesn't finalize before school starts, I'm going to ask her new Pre-K teacher if she'll use her new last name in the classroom.

[lamamax3]

Nothing going on here. I emailed my monthly check-in the sw last night, but really don't expect any new news from her. She hasn't had an emom in our program in MONTHS. It sounds silly, but Sandra Bullock adopting exactly the baby (AA and a boy) we dream of, in the exact city we are waiting in, has been very discouraging. Silly, I know.

We won't be able to take classes through the state until the summer, and I have seriously begun to re-think it. I now work with at-risk families in a parenting program. If I didn't already have kids, I would welcome in everyone with open arms. Since I have three, there is no way that many of the behaviours of these children would be good for our family. I knew that, but it's easy to forget when you aren't around them. I was a teacher, so at one time, I saw the results of horrible parenting choices daily. Guess I've been sheltered for a while now. We are still going back and forth.

Good luck to everyone waiting! Seeing other people get matched gives me hope .

[sagewinna]

We are through the first class and the intake interview now, and working on paperwork and Dr.s appointments. The second and third (last) classes are scheduled for this month, so things are picking up. I'm a little worried about DH's physical, he has high blood pressure and kidney stones and I don't know what they are looking for exactly, yk? I keep reminding myself that if God wants this to happen it will, and to stop stressing about things... Oh, and the agency director who did our interview said at the end he think all of the social workers will want to work with us.

[veganjoy]

We had our first homestudy visit this morning, and I think it went well. The next two visits are scheduled for the following weeks, and approval would happen a few weeks after that. I guess I didn't expect things to go so quickly! We really like our homestudy social worker, and the foster parent workers in our area are great, so we're feeling optimistic.

[Polliwog]

Things often don't go as quickly as the social workers think it will. So, don't worry if geting licensed takes a lot longer than you expect. But, congratulations for taking the next step in the process.

[sesa70]

Still a big fat nothing on our end.

I am starting to get back to that dark place where I feel like all hope for a baby is lost and this will never happen for us.

It doesn't help that dd asks ALL THE TIME when her baby brother is coming home. She says he is taking too long and she is ready for him now.

I told her we don't know if she will have a baby brother, she might have a baby sister. She started to cry She's 4.5! LOL!

[Smithie]

We submitted our application on Tuesday, so I'm ready to be added to the thread!

Not expecting our homestudy before July, though. The money ran out. They got some emergency funding to continue homestudies for kinship and emergency placements, but they won't be full-steam ahead again until the fiscal year rolls over (yes, my state's priorities are THAT hellacious).


Smithie
State Foster/Adopt Program
Older Child Adoption
Waiting for homestudy

[HeatherAtHome]

So, we feel close enough to being finished with renovations and ready to start seriously thinking about fostering. This morning I called the head office in our area and was given a contact name/number for info on fostering. Of course there was no answer so I left a message.

I feel really bad about something. 3 years ago we were thinking of fostering, I called, we actually MET with someone but when it came time to hand in the official fostering application life happened and our plans were put on hold.... And I never called the guy or said anything. (He was really hard to get a hold of). Part of me is hoping we end up speaking with someone else entirely so that I don't have to face him but last I knew he was the only worker who spoke english.

[sagewinna]

We finished our classes today, Yay!!

Scott and I just finished our self study as well. We have an appointment with a therapist that we met with last week for this Wednesday, and he will get our therapist letter done for us. We've got some other tings to do still, but we are more than 1/2 done with The List.

If all goes well and Scott's birth certificate comes soon we could be ready for our homestudy at the end of next month. I am feeling some urgency, cps in Ca is all ready cut like cray and they are planning more cuts soon and I am worried about how that will affect everything.

[sesa70]

I thought I would check in and see how some of our non ddc families are doing

Nothing going on here... June starts our 8th month of waiting. I feel anxious and impatient ALL THE TIME. I am SO ready for this baby to come home.

[sagewinna]

8 months must feel like forever. *hug*

We are off to get fingerprinting done this morning.

[Smithie]

I'm still riding the tide of relief at getting our paperwork done. Other stuff is keeping me busy, but I'm sure I'll get impatient to hear from the homestudy coordinator soon.

[DTmama1]

Eesh, I suppose I ought to update on what's been happening in our family. I've thought about it a number of times, but kept hoping to have something positive to report. I'll give a little bit of background though since it has been so long.

I was a foster parent with my husband since July 2007. We've had 25 kids total during that time, including 3 who were placed with us for adoption and were reunified instead at the last minute. We started officially looking at photolistings February 2009, and inquired on a hundred+ sibling groups nationwide. We were matched with a sibling group of 5 kids locally in June 2009. They finally moved in at the end of September. We spent a lot of time adjusting to our big family, and I stopped posting here at some point last winter when everything kind of went to hell.

We discovered that there were perpetration issues happening with the 14yo over Christmas Break. He was removed from the home while the investigation took place, and said that we would be willing to consider going ahead with things if he admitted to it and was willing to seek help. Sadly he denied everything, and because we caught things extremely early (more at the grooming stage), the case was found to be unsubstantiated. We then were threatened with the removal of all the children if we would not take him back.

Then this spring my husband and I came to the realization that we did not want to be married to each other. It was very amicable, but with the kids attachment issues, we didn't feel adopting them together and sharing joint custody would be in their best interest, particularly as I plan to move away from this area in time. We eventually came to the decision that I would be best equipped to parent them on my own, and at this point the court has ruled with the plan of adoption with me. We are still waiting on Termination of Parental Rights (has been filed and being continued for 3 years). There are still conflicts with the caseworker and my kids current (useless) therapist. We have very different opinions on parenting styles and priorities.

The oldest girl, who is 11, has been very challenging for me. I've asked for an attachment evaluation and for us to have therapy together, but given that its the state, it hasn't happened yet. I'm quite certain she would be diagnosed ODD, and is also definitely attachment disordered in some way. There is a lot of stress with that. She rages at least weekly I'd say. The oldest boy who is 12 is doing much better though, he hasn't raged in several months, when it used to be a weekly thing and seems to have a healthy attachment. He has special learning needs and I had a fantastic meeting with his school last week so that hopefully next year will go better than this one. The 9yo girl is doing fairly well in general. She has her moments but in generally seems to be doing very well and is happy. The 7yo boy is a happygolucky little guy who is definitely attachment disorders, but not in an oppositional way, we just work on boundaries a lot. He will probably be formally diagnosed with special educational needs next year as well. Our 5 year old biological daughter has taken everything in stride. She's doing really well with all of it actually.

Obviously so much more beyond that. But at least I updated!

[Polliwog]

I have to run to a meeting but will post more when I get back. I was just thinking of you the other day.

[BeckC]

We've been waiting 9 months now. Nothing seems to be happening at all. Our profile hasn't been shown at all since March. It's been shown 8 times this year total. Since we started waiting, 5 babies have been placed. I know those numbers aren't terrible, but still, they're not exactly dropping from the sky, you know? We're number 7 on the list now. (For those who don't know, our agency has a waiting list but it doesn't mean anything beyond a way to show you how things are moving). We were 12 so all the people who have had babies were waiting longer than us.

So since I'm a nerd, I did the math. Five babies in nine months and number 7 on the list puts us at 12.6 months. I know it doesn't work that way, but I like doing the math, I find it comforting. (Yea, I know, I already said I'm a nerd lol) So that would put our total wait at 21.6 months. Yup, pretty much right smack dab in the middle of the 18-24 months that our social worker is estimating. I suppose I can live with that.

[HeatherAtHome]

Thanks for the updates, I love hearing what's going on with people. DTmama1, sounds like it has been very difficult.

I guess it's been about two weeks and still no call back so I'll have to call again. Would have called sooner but we got a puppy last week and have been settling in.

I remember from last time how long it took to get someone on the phone. I guess I'll call 1-2 a week until I get a hold of her, maybe have DH leave messages in french on her voicemail in case that means she's more likely to call back.

ETA: I've decided to put down that we're open to two children on the forms. We have two extra bedrooms and a car. We might fit three, but two feels good for now, aged 0-4. Also leaning towards eventual adoption through fostercare instead of having bio children. I tend to swing back and forth but lately I'm feeling the adoption route is the way to go.

[curliemama]

No definite date yet, but we should finalize our daughter's adoption sometime in July... should know a date in June.