Help with 3.5 year old yelling at sister when crying

[mommytoavery]

Okay, I follow this board all the time and you guys have helped me tremendously recently. Things are going so much better...Thank you!

So now I need some advice that I can't find in any of the books I have been reading. My 3.5 year old likes to yell at her 1 year old sister. I have let it go many times and just tried to redirect her attention...recognizing that she isn't doing it maliciously like I had previously assumed. However, she especially does it whenever her sister is crying or fussing. And I can't get her to stop especially in the car because I can't do anything when we are in the car.

PLEASE help me. She screams at her whenever she is crying. We have talked about it and she says she does it because she doesn't like the sound which I can empathize how hard it can be especially at 3.5. And I have tried to give her some tools to help...cover her ears and hum, etc but nothing is helping. And when she does this, my 1 year old just gets even more upset. Any new suggestions??

[woodchick]

Do you have any 'go to' lullabies for DD2? Our eldest gets frustrated when her little sister cries and says "I can't concentrate when she cries like that!" I've been able to get her in on the helping by singing together with her to DD2. She knows our lullabies and silly songs that can help stop the baby's crying.

Not a silver bullet fix-all, but I've found it helpful in many situations, especially the car.

[mommytoavery]

I have tried that with some success but the problem is when the littlest can't be consoled no matter what I do. Is it a phase? Will it pass? It is one of those times I can barely keep my cool.

[D_McG]

"Yelling is unacceptable. Go spend some time getting your self together and come back when you can be calm".

Sometimes it takes 30 seconds. Sometimes it takes 30 minutes. Sometimes my almost 4 year old needs help to be calm (a hug in the glider). But I don't tolerate yelling.

[wrappedupmama]

My DD has done this at times and yells "stop crying, you're too loud!" to the baby sometimes. I try to explain WHY he is crying to help her understand a build empathy. Everyone tolerates what they understand a little better than some behavior they can't understand. This a conversation I have had with my DD a few times

"Babies can't talk, and don't know how to tell us something is wrong. That is how the baby is telling us he is tired, or wants mama to hold him, etc. I think he doesn't like being in the carseat and is sad. He wants to be close to mama. Sometimes you are sad. Sometimes you want to be held too, right? That is how the baby tells us those things is by crying. When you were a baby you would cry when you needed something too. Mama would hold you and nurse you and help you feel better. We love you, we love babies. We need to be nice and talk to the baby nice. You are a big kid and can use your words nicely, so you don't need to yell and scream. When you are sad, you want someone to help you and be nice. The baby is the same way. He is sad. Let's help him feel better. Play peak-a-boo, sing a song, touch baby gentle, give baby a toy, give baby a snack, etc. that might help the baby feel better and stop crying!"

I explain, why the baby cries, relate it to her both past and present, and give her tools to cope with and help stop the baby's crying. It doesn't always work, but it often helps.

[wrappedupmama]

Oh I forgot to add that we relate crying as a way of talking just like animals talk different too.

"Everyone talks different. Dogs bark, horses neigh, sheep bah, people talk, and babies cry."

[lolar2]

Earmuffs to wear in the car? (I'm not joking.)