I was pregnant, after being overweight for years despite being active and eating well (about 30-40lbs overweight) and 2 unexplained early miscarriages.
I had high BP throughout my pregnancy, some of which was definitely white-coat (could get it down by 8-10 points diastolic by calming myself down) but part probably due to un-dx hypothyroidism. By 24 weeks i had a goitre, but when i pointed it out to a MW i was told "it's just your glands". I never mentioned it again.
DD was born at home, i used entonox for the last hour. My birth was good but the midwives weren't amazing - i had a long pre-labour and a fast active phase and they were about to do a VE to "see if i was in labour yet" when i lay down and her head was crowning. I was using the entonox so i wouldn't push (i really wanted to), and my 2nd stage was written up as 5mins - that was the contraction where they saw her head, a gap and then the one contraction where i pushed, once, and she sailed out.
She had a BF 40mins after birth and was great at latching. I have v. large breasts and in those days had flat nipples, and some of the advice i got was not good ("don't hold your breast, you'll get mastitis") but i just did when felt right for us and my milk came in on day 4. I never had cracks or sore nipples or anything, she always seemed satisfied and did great at feeding. She was 7lbs14.5oz at birth, and was 8lbs6oz on day 8pp, anecdotally i have heard that HB babies lose weight less than hospital born ones, but i don't know how true it is. She had mild jaundice but it resolved after a few days. I just BFed her next to the window.
At 8 weeks PP XP and i split up. I moved physically out of the place we'd shared 8 weeks later and those 8 weeks in between were HORRIBLE. He would wait until i was BFing and then come and scream at me, knowing i wouldn't argue over DD's head. He was utterly awful, i don't like to think of it, i was suicidal. I exercised to keep endorphins up, had some wonderful friends, and concentrated on finding somewhere to go. Getting out provided a massive relief.
By 4months PP the goitre, which had been about satsuma size, was growing. It became like a navel orange by about 4 or 5 months PP (i had so much going on, a lot of the time line is hazy). Simultaneously my supply began to really dip. When i left XP we arranged he would have DD overnight once a week. When i left him he had enough EBM in the freezer for 4 full days and nights. Slowly, over 2 feeds on 2 afternoons a week, and 6 during her overnight stay (plus numerous he threw away because he defrosted then "forgot about") that began to dwindle. I had an avent manual pump but i couldn't get let-down with the pump alone after the split (i'm sure the associated stress of him being awful whenever i fed her contributed, i was fine if she was there too, but on my own with the pump i could literally pump for 45mins and have 10mls in the bottle, and knots of milk all over my swollen breast - hand expression didn't get me anything either) so my supply began to dwindle even more from her time away from me.
At 5.5months PP the goitre was grapefruit sized. I went to my GP and was told i needed a radioactive iodine uptake test and i'd have to wean before i could have it. i didn't want to wean, and nothing i'd read made me think it was cancerous (it was smooth and painless and both grew and shrank) so i resisted. My TSH was very high, and my T4 was very low, but he refused to medicate me until i'd had the RAI test. I had lost 40lbs in the 3months after DD's birth, probably because the hashi's attack made me spill a lot of thyroxine (initially the autoimmune attack makes that happen, then once the damage is done you become hypothryoid). My BMI was actually healthy, around 22, but i wasn't "well" and felt i couldn't keep my weight at all, it just fell off and off.
By 5months we were already out of EBM (actually i found out later XP had about 8 feeds still frozen but couldn't be bothered to defrost and knew weaning hurt me...i didn't leave him because he was a nice man though!) and i was no longer getting let-down for DD either - or i was but it was taking up to 5 minutes of constant sucking for her to get it. I never felt full anymore, i couldn't get anything with a pump, my hair fell out in clumps, all my joints burned and ached all the time, my resting pulse was 38bpm. DD got very fussy at the breast, by then she'd been having bottles with XP for months (and she'd had one every few days from 6 weeks anyway, by design, because i thought it'd be useful if i needed to get away and because XP was unreliable with work and terrible with money so it was likely i'd need to work, at least part time, fairly soon after the birth). She wouldn't suck for let-down. Around this time (4-6months) i made a major major mistake - i had a new partner and i went on the mini-pill. Actually i only took it for about 40 days, but i'm sure it didn't do anything to help my let-down, though that was already very sluggish before i went on it.
So at around 5.5months we began giving FF sometimes. XP used it all the time, for every feed, because he didn't want to "deal" with EBM and said FF was "easier". I couldn't force him. I regret a lot of what happened now, none of it served DD as she deserved, but i can't really express how ill i was. i had no "fight", you know? It was all i could do to get up, care for DD and live.
Because XP was giving DD 18hours worth of FF every week i gave her at least one bottle a day (i was concerned she'd have terrible colic with him from having a totally different milk at his house for a solid chunk of time). My supply dwindled even more. She started solids the week before she was 6months, despite not really being "ready" in retrospect, and her interest in the breast dropped even more.
By 6.5months she was only having one feed from the breast, at 5am. It was the only time i had a decent amount of milk and she was sleepy and happy to suck for the time it took to get let-down (i am pretty sure i was off the minipill by then but nothing improved). The rest of the time i offered the breast and she'd go rigid and scream until she was purple. I FF her.
At 7months i weaned her. I just decided to "give up" and get the RAI test. Within 2 weeks of her last BF my goitre had shrunk, and because the GP could SEE it had he changed his mind and said i didn't need the stupid test afterall. To be fair, my bloods improved dramatically after i weaned her, even before i began treatment. He took my pulse in the surgery and debated, out loud, whether he should call an ambulance. He accused me of having an eating disorder (apparently anorexia can cause a low resting pulse?). He sent me away with a script for a tiny dose of levothyroxine, the type they give to old people, (25mcgm) because he was so scared i'd have a heart attack. I dropped him soon after as i felt his care was sub standard, but i wonder if at that point he finally realised what a mess he'd been making of my care.
Within a few weeks i began to feel better. After a new GP and some more extensive blood tests i was dx with Hashi's (which my mother and sister both had so i don't know why it was so not-relevant to the first GP!), i ended up on 75mcgm/day and am now on 100mcgm/day through pregnancy.
As things stand this time i am not hyper or hypo, i have no goitre, my weight gain has been normal, my BP is excellent and i'm not having joint pains. My current GP is incredibly supportive, open to hearing my own thoughts and research and includes me fully in my own care (for example is happy to raise my drugs if i feel during exercise i'm not gaining fitness as normal, even if my bloods seem "normal"). What a marathon - you did ask!
