Young toddlers and BITING!! What to do about it??

[Super~Single~Mama]

Ok, so I've been working with my almost 16mo on biting for a while now. It's not working.

Usually, when he bites me I say, "Owie! That hurts mommy, please give me kisses instead!" Or, I'll say, "Ouch! Are you teething? Do you need something to chew on?" and hand him something to teeth on. It works sorta ok.

But yesterday, he bit a little girl at daycare It was terrible! We were getting ready to leave, and he didn't want to so he was having a tantrum. Which I was ignoring while walking towards the door (this is the ONLY thing that works when leaving daycare or another activity that he doesn't want to leave - talking through it only works at home. Really, I've tried.) A little girl (3.5?) bent down and hugged him around his waist, and DS was angry and teething and grabbed her around her neck and bit her face

I intervened as soon as I realized what was going on, and the daycare provider gave the little girl an ice pack. We left shortly afterwards. After I stopped what was happening I got down on DS's level and said gently but firmly, "Do not bite other people. It really hurts, and its not nice." The little girl was crying and DS got really upset about that - I'm hoping he realized how much it hurt her so that he stops doing it.

Any advice?? What can I do to make sure it doesn't happen again?? I do my best to be GD all the time, and I'm getting really good at it But, I want to make sure that I'm not letting things slide.

[Harmony08]

Oh that is so rough. I feel your pain. I live in fear of that. I have no advice. I'm in the same boat. Recently we have tried changing our reaction. No words just physically stopping him. Haven't seen a change though. I hope somebody has advice.

[prancie]

ds did some biting at that age. the key for me was to recognize and eliminate the triggers, or prevent the bite from happening if it was imminent. he grew out of it.

[prothyraia]

Try to eliminate triggers, and wait till he outgrows it.

Unfortunately that's pretty much all you can do.

[EzzysMom]

I like your approaches (teething toy, suggesting kisses), they are the same that I use, but you can't walk away anymore. It's not fair to the other kids. My kid is the hugger is most situations and has gotten bitten and it's not fun.

[lifeguard]

I agree fully with pp. I have been bitten many, many, many hundreds of times over the past 6 months. Ds appears to be growing out of it now - I just had to stay hyper vigilant with him - luckily I was his favourite target.

[Rico'sAlice]

So you usually walk away and then he gets over the tantrum and then follows you?
What happens if you just say it's time to go and pick him up and carry him out? Is his tantruming so extreme that you are physically unable to do so?

When DS was doing some biting it was as a "defense" against (mostly slightly older/bigger) kids trying to grab toys out of his hand. So we focused more on how to deal with the situation that specifically making him learn that biting is bad. (We obviously also did make that clear too! But that was not the focus of actual handling of the scenario)

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by Rico'sAlice

So you usually walk away and then he gets over the tantrum and then follows you?
What happens if you just say it's time to go and pick him up and carry him out? Is his tantruming so extreme that you are physically unable to do so?

He follows me while crying. If I pick him up to leave its REALLY hard to hang onto him (I'm wearing a backpack, carrying books, holding his daycare things - I'm in school during the day) while he's tantruming. It seriously takes all my energy and focus not to drop him!

Once we get out the door I'm able to pick him up and comfort him. I think I'm also going to ask the other children to please leave him alone when he gets upset - there are 3 little kids (2 girls, 1 boy) who all try very hard to comfort him - usually this gets a big smile and hug back. For some reason not this time.

He bites me at home, although hasn't in the last few days (since the daycare incident), and I talked to his dad about it and we are trying to both send the same messages (we are not together). Ugh. This is one part of toddlerhood that I won't miss!!

[DanielleT]

Little ones bite because of their lack of commuication skills; their frustrated for what ever reason and can't express it in words...In my experience it works best to just keep being consistent and clear with your expectations and at his level....I always say things like "please stop, we don't bite/hit etc here, it hurts mommy/daddy etc"
and some times it does take awhile for it to "sink" in but it will if you're consistent...and i agree with others, look for his triggers and try to fix the issue before it's a problem....

[redvlagrl]

Oh I am so sorry. You must have felt terrible. DD is not a biter but we have taught her about it with a dinosaur book and hop on pop. We say "what's he doing? biting!" And do pretend biting (it is v cute). Then I know she understands what biting is and if she does it to me (nipple for example) I can say "no biting".

[Girlprof]

We had this with my son though he might have been a bit older. It was a combination of teething, frustration and tiredness - those are the explanations, not the excuses. The teachers at his daycare (where the biting occurred) handled it brilliantly. For about 3 weeks, they kept a very close eye on him. He was especially likely to bite at a transition moment (leaving would be classic, but also going to a different room for lunch, etc). They separated him during transitions - he got a quick book on someone's lap until the other kids had moved to the new area. They said the idea was to prevent it from happening, i.e., eliminate triggers. This worked though we had maybe 2 additional incidents over the next two years.