Originally Posted by Butterflymom
You guys are so right. Good thing I wasn't counting on him in any way, and I'm 100% working on my life myself.
But man, he has been a time suck and energy suck and
no more free rides!!!!
I'll drink to that!
Originally Posted by SamiPolizzi
I'm probably not going to be dating for a while. I just can't imagine where I would meet anyone. It's a miracle enough that I found a guy close to my age (I'm 21, he's 23) who wanted kids and was okay with dating someone who has one. I don't expect it to happen again anytime soon.
Thanks for joining us! I'm struggling with this exact sentiment, right now. And my impulse is to say "oh, honey, don't sell yourself short. There are plenty of guys out there who won't be put off by a child...". But you know, I feel the same way as you do, so that would be pretty insincere to say (although at the same time, I do believe it, if that makes any sense at all!
). I'm older than you (33), but I have 4 kids. And I have very little hope that I'll meet someone (you know, someone I actually WANT to be with) who wants to become a step father to 4 kids. I go back and forth in how much peace I have with that.
Originally Posted by muse
mamas, for those of you who do online dating, how do you describe your marital/parenting status?
previously i had "currently separated, divorce in process". well that's been true for 2 yrs and the only reason the divorce isn't final is because we can't afford the legal fees right now. is it wrong to say "divorced" at this point?
i also now share custody 50/50, should i say something about that? give my kids ages? i checked out other single mom profiles and a lot have photos of their kids. do you do that? feels funny to me, but it's also such an important part of myself. after my last experiences i wonder if i need to be much more straightforward about the reality of my situation..?
i know when i see single dad profiles it feels really weird to me if they don't mention their kids, and photos of them with their kids help me get good sense of them.
and yes, all this means i think i'm ready to be back in the game...
(((((muse)))))), glad you're back in the game. I mention that I have kids, but that is about it. I definitely don't put up pictures of them, and I find it off-putting when men have pics of kids (even other ppls kids) in their profiles, unless the child is shown in a discreet, non-face kind of way -- just seems yucky to me. It is interesting to hear your perspective though, put it in a new light for me, so thanks. I think that is the tricky thing about online profiles -- we make so many assumptions about someone based on such bizarre criteria.
I think you can just put that you are divorced, and then explain later -- when I see one that says "separated", I assume that means recent, and I avoid recent separations like the plague.
Originally Posted by eewieew
God, I haven't been on this thread in MONTHS! Not that I haven't thought about you guys, but life, and stuff, and...you get the picture.
I've been dating a really nice guy since December. He's really....nice. Comfortable. Stable. Reliable. I'm breaking it off with him tomorrow, and I feel really good about it. I'm not going to settle for anything less than knock-my-socks-off, and right now having a bf is at the absolute bottom on my list of priorities. The list goes: dd, self, work, friends. At times the order flips around a bit, but you all can get the idea.
What I've realized after being single as long as I have, and then being in a relationship is that I really prefer being single. I've been having this love affair with myself that I'm simply not ready to give up yet, unless something amazing plops itself right in front of my face, and it certainly hasn't.
I DO have some very interesting men in my life that could prove to be pretty solid contenders on certain levels, but it's just not that important to me right now. I've still got so much work to do, and I'm eager to get to it with as little interference as possible.
I hope that, other than the issues in your romantic lives, that you all are finding good fortune on other levels, and loving yourselves the way that you deserve. Best to all!
I love the love affair with yourself. I'm having one too. At the same time, there are times, like last night, when I'm having a perfect time with my kids, but there is this little sliver in this mind of 'but it would be so much better if someone were here to enjoy it with me'.
Did you end the relationship? How did it go? Update?
Originally Posted by timbbey
Well said, I would love to have a healthy relationship, but I am not confident or thin enough or happy enough to bring someone into my messy world. I do hope though for someday.
Hon, don't say you aren't thin enough. Please.
Work on the confidence, develop a love affair with yourself, and jump in when you're ready.
Originally Posted by Devaya
I don't know how to play it cool, my feelings are so BIG, and until recently (funnily enough, until I was a single mom - don't know if its a coindedance!) I never had a problem with a guy returning my feelings and wanting the same level of involvement and commitment that I did.
See, I have kind of the opposite problem. I was the queen of play it cool before I was married (although, granted, it was mostly due to extreme insecurity and belief that there was NO way that anyone would be into me, and I never wanted to risk rejection, so I kept my cards waaaaaaaaaaaay close to my heart), and now I am really just so much more open. I am working on finding the middle ground, although, mostly I do feel good about how I have acted in relationships in that regard.
Little update from me: ATG and I are still doing the friends thing, although I'm starting to question myself about if it is truly in my best interest to continue. It is still a little stingy, you know? PhotoGuy and I are...hmm...not sure. He is very on the up and up about not being "relationship material", and I agreed that I was really fine with a 1-2x a week casual dating thing, which is true, but again, I'm realizing it is only true to some extent -- if he is not "relationship material" with *me*, but is continuing to seek a "real" relationship, then I don't want to sit around while that goes on. At this point (most of this week), I've been ignoring him, waiting to see what he'll do.
And I went on a hike-date last Sunday with a 3rd guy, who I won't bother to name, since, although we had a decent time, there were no major sparks, and he emailed me later to say that it 'didn't seem romantic' to him, although he'd be into being friends. I've been surprised by how much that stung.
All of that is to say that at this point, I'm deciding to stop actively seeking men, and work on my love affair with myself (I've been losing weight, started running, I'm up to being able to run 20 min at a time, focusing on my career goals), and let life happen. If PG sticks around, I'll still do that, as being politically active is part of a healthy life, imo, and he is GREAT for that.
Also, I am 99% sure I'm quitting my job on Monday. I'm at a bit of a crossroads!