Those who just had your second...

[ann_of_loxley]

How are you?
How is baby?
How is the big brother/sister?

This feels so weird. Very diff from when I had my son. I actually feel kinda sad right now. I feel sad for my son. He is actually doing really well. I never thought I would get to say this - but he loves his brother! I just feel sad that our relationship is changing and he has had to put up with so much these past few weeks - and has done amazingly well. It just tells me how much he is growing up - which also makes me feel sad!... Bloody hormones! I am not sure I like this feeling though. I can't wait for things to feel more normal. Will they ever feel that way again?
Also - It feels like Hamish has been here forever. I can't remember being pregnant! (well - I can - but you know what I mean! lol)...I guess these past few weeks have just seemed really really long!

And now of course DH and Duncan are ill. Flu maybe? Started with severe headache and they just feel like crap at the moment. We have been playing musical beds until we get the hang of this breastfeeding thing cause Hamish was distrupting Duncans sleep - so DH and Duncan are sharing the big bed right now and Hamish and I are in the spare room with the single. This is working but I really miss cuddling up to Duncan - I want to cuddle him so badly right now and its hard to do that during the day between taking care of all our other basic needs. I always loved our nighttime cuddles the best. Our nighttime cuddles will just to wait awhile more though cause I really don't want what they have! lol (which also makes me feel sad because if I didn't just have a baby - I would be right there in bed with him until he was feeling better!)... My goal of also trying to get out of the house for the first time tomorrow will also have to wait too I guess!

Those who have more than two children...tell me this gets easier! Or don't lie to me...tell me the truth! lol

Seriously - I don't know how anyone does this with a smaller age gap!... You are stronger than I am! lol

[sanguine_speed]

This feeling has continued for me with each new baby. Every new baby changes the family dynamic and changes the amount of time we have for the others. BUT, the change isn't all negative or sad. A new family member is a new dimension to the family. The children all have special and unique relationships with one another too--and those wouldn't be possible without, well, the other children .

[jolesh]

i am also feeling super sad. DD is loving her little brother, but also having a hard time adjusting and i am tired and in pain (Csection) and my patience is thin. DD is such a sweet girl and now her whole life is topsy turvy and she doesn't get what is happening. she loves to hold her baby bro, and watch him and talk to him, and i am worried she will start to blame him for things being different. mostly i just feel sad and overwhelmed. how can i manage two? how do people do it??? i was barely getting by with one. i love my DS, but am terrified of not measuring up..

hormones! grrrr........

[ivymae]

I remember feeling horrible after DD2 was born - not only did i feel guilty about taking so much attention away from DD1, but i also was bitter that DD1 was cutting into my bonding time with DD2. I didn't feel like i could be 'enough' for either of them, and that they had both been cheated.

Two years later, i can't imagine NOT having two (and now three!) because DD1 and DD2 are sisters - they sleep curled up together, they are sneaky together, they have their own games and words and songs, when they fight it's never long before they are laughing, and OH their laughing, it's really the best. So yeah, maybe they are all cheated out of some mama attention, but that they are gaining is so much better. In a couple years they are going to quit telling ME their secrets, but they will have each other. (and wow, I'm teary just thinking about them growing into adulthood together. I'm gonna go call my sister...)

Oh, and bonding with #2 and now #3 was different than #1, and I felt bad about that for a while too. With DD1, it was like love at first sight- big and wonderful and it caught me off guard. Bonding with the other two was more like falling in love with my best friend. It feels like I've always been their mama, so it just wasn't as dramatic. As they've grown, I've realized I do love my kids differently. I bond with them over different things, and that means our relationships are different, and that's okay. I am large, I contain multitudes. Being the mama of many kids means being many different kinds of mama, because they each need something different from you. You'll learn how to juggle those needs, but don't forget to take care of yours as well.

[Amandamanda]

Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley

Those who have more than two children...tell me this gets easier! Or don't lie to me...tell me the truth! lol

I can't say it gets EASIER, but you will get into a new normal. and its so worth it, or nobody would ever have more than 2.

[tarama]

I hear you mama.

I started crying this morning when DS started crying that he wanted to stay home with me and baby today and not go to school (first time back since the birth). It surprised him because up to now I've either been MIA while grandparents whisked him about or yelling at him not to whine, not to grab baby, to eat dinner, etc. Poor guy.

[GreenTeaGinger61]

It's been hard for me up to this one (our fourth). With my son I felt the guilt that I couldn't give him or the new baby the time. But I was also deep into PPD so I'm sure that colored the whole experience. I did however make sure to spend lots of time with the three of us cuddling while I nursed, etc. Baby wearing also made a big difference as I did have the baby on me all the time so that I could do things with my son but still have her there. With my third, I felt bad as my middle was still a baby and we hadn't planned on three so they were closer together than I would've normally gone for in terms of age. And middle child didn't deal well at all.

Now it's not so bad but that's likely because my kids are older. They don't need me so much in a physical way so I am able to sit around and baby gaze, and they join me Plus with the distance I am now able to see how the wonderfulness of siblings. My kids have such an amazing close relationship to each other. Their friendship with each other is something that is very special, and it's beyond what I could give them a lone.

[ann_of_loxley]

Yes - There is a 4 year 7 month age gap and Duncan doens't 'need' me as much as he used to. He does like to sit around with me and baby gaze too. He loves telling me how Hamish is looking at him and talking to him and loves asking him if he has a poopy bottom or wants some of the boobie! lmao
In fact - Duncan has done so brilliantly! I am not allowed anymore children (I am hoping an accident will happen though lol)...and/but if we did have more - I would choose a similar age gap.
It is just me at the moment. I am horrible with guilt. I can't handle it. I also have OCD. Our rhythm hasn't been found yet. And Hamish is unlike Duncan in that he does not want to ever be put down and is super awake in the morning...so morning shower/get dressed just is not happening - and that is making me a very grumpy mummy. I feel like crap when I find me always shouting at Duncan. It isn't supposed to be that way. This was supposed to be smooth and easy and happy!... But, it really is just me at the moment.
I think its time to start eating that placenta of mine.

[GreenTeaGinger61]

to Ann. It is so hard I think with the second one. I felt totally the same way you did and it was coupled with some severe depression that had begun before I even gave birth. I don't do guilt well either, and right up until Rowena was born I felt horrible guilt about my youngest not being the youngest anymore. It's an adjustment period, but I think it's harder the first time you add to your children. I hope things ease up soon, and that you get your shower. It's amazing how much of a difference that can make.

[Shazer]

DD is 3 and this has been such a hard adjustment for her. First, there is the physical closeness. She can't understand that she can't jump into my lap while I'm breastfeeding or climb on the back of the chair or roll around on the bed. I'm glad the baby is mellow, because he has already gone through some physical turmoil like getting knocked in the head today by his sister. Then there is the loudness factor. DD has in the past couple of months become very loud. She likes to scream and yell and sing very loudly, usually when her brother is sleeping. Thirdly is the neediness factor. She still needs her mommy time and I'm just not giving her enough. At bedtime, she always asks for one more kiss, one more hug, until I get so frustrated and just snap for her to GO TO SLEEP ALREADY. She wants to help with EVERYTHING and gets mad at me when I say she can't.

Do you other wise mamas have advice for this? I know things will eventually iron themselves out, but in the meantime, I want to be the best mom I can be for DD and DS. I feel like I am meeting the baby's needs, but not DD.

[Oliver's Mama]

Originally Posted by Shazer

DD is 3 and this has been such a hard adjustment for her. First, there is the physical closeness. She can't understand that she can't jump into my lap while I'm breastfeeding or climb on the back of the chair or roll around on the bed. I'm glad the baby is mellow, because he has already gone through some physical turmoil like getting knocked in the head today by his sister. Then there is the loudness factor. DD has in the past couple of months become very loud. She likes to scream and yell and sing very loudly, usually when her brother is sleeping. Thirdly is the neediness factor. She still needs her mommy time and I'm just not giving her enough. At bedtime, she always asks for one more kiss, one more hug, until I get so frustrated and just snap for her to GO TO SLEEP ALREADY. She wants to help with EVERYTHING and gets mad at me when I say she can't.

Do you other wise mamas have advice for this? I know things will eventually iron themselves out, but in the meantime, I want to be the best mom I can be for DD and DS. I feel like I am meeting the baby's needs, but not DD.

I'm in the same boat as you, but I've heard others say to have a special activity for your older one while you're breastfeeding. Unfortunately, the only thing that ds1 will do to leave me alone while breastfeeding is the tv. As soon as I sit down to feed, he finds the remote. I guess it's not too bad because baby only nurses for five, maybe ten minutes at a time, but then it's always a struggle to get the tv back off! I also try to remember that any moment the baby is down and content, I give 100 percent attention to ds1.. sometimes that means postponing things for myself like using the bathroom or lunch, but I feel so guilty constantly telling him just a minute, just a minute, let me do this first then we'll play, etc... there's always going to be something else I need to do, but I worry he's really going to be effected by this if I don't carve out one on one time. His outbursts have gone down a bit since I've done this.
ds1 does the screaming thing too. Luckily the baby sleeps through it, so sometimes I let it slide.. I see it as a good thing that baby's sleep can withstand loud noises! When ds1 does act up beyond acceptance, I find taking him to a seperate room from the baby helps.. their crying just feeds off one another and we get nowhere. he's told he can't come back and join us until the crying stops. He just cools off screaming for ten minutes then says "ok, I'm fine now!"
I'm up for more ideas too. hang in there!