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got yelled at by a stranger - Page 2

post #21 of 62
I'll put my car in park right in front of the door with my hazard blinkers on, empty the trunk onto the porch of the apartment building, and then finish parking, but we have assigned spaces. In your situation, I wouldn't bother lock my car or close the doors in this weather. I'd leave them open to keep talking to dd.
post #22 of 62
Too bad you didn't ask him to help with your groceries! I would love to hear his response to that.
post #23 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by maddymama View Post
Hugs, mama! I solved my problem by wearing my toddler on my back in a mei tai or a soft structured carrier while I carried my groceries in... "That looks dangerous to toss her on your back like that...."
~maddymama
nak
incidentally-i've been getting a lot of cr#p from strangers while wearing dd2 lately...if she is in the MT, people ask if she can breathe & say it doesn't look safe. if i have her in the ringsling, i get the whole "don't you know those things were recalled & kill babies". i have been taking the time to explain why they are safe & why bag style carriers are not but any day now i'm gonna lose my patience & tell them to mtob.

can't win for tryin'!

and yeah-no one should yell at us!
post #24 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellairiesmom View Post
nak
incidentally-i've been getting a lot of cr#p from strangers while wearing dd2 lately...if she is in the MT, people ask if she can breathe & say it doesn't look safe. if i have her in the ringsling, i get the whole "don't you know those things were recalled & kill babies". i have been taking the time to explain why they are safe & why bag style carriers are not but any day now i'm gonna lose my patience & tell them to mtob.

can't win for tryin'!

and yeah-no one should yell at us!
Stephanie,
I've gotten some flack for that lately, too. I usually smile and say, "DD is perfectly safe in here/back there, but thank you for asking." Then walk on.
I just found out from a friend that I'm the "East coast hippie girl" in the neighborhood- ha ha ha ha ha...... bc of my carriers, CDing, and BFing. I took it as a compliment.

And back to the original issue... yes, we shouldn't be yelled at for any reason. Hopefully parking with hazards on, or using a carrier, or something will prevent that from happening to her (or any of us) in the future....
~maddymama
post #25 of 62
OP, I used to do the same thing with my DS. I would park in front of our building and bring my grocery bags to our door on the second floor, then I would rush back to the car and park it. I figured a toddler is much safer left buckled into his carseat for a minute than roaming freely in the apartment.
post #26 of 62
Oh dear. How dumb. As if you had a safe alternative...
And I don't see why people feel the need to comment. Last fall I was meeting someone someone at the mall, who was buying something I sold online. The guy took a little longer than I thought (like 5 mins) and it was about 10 celcius out, and just a little windy. And I hadn't realized til I got there that DS didn't have socks on. But he was dressed warm and was in his moby wrap and I just held his feet.
Some lady drove past, stopped, backed up and said "you've GOT to start taking care of that little boy!!" as if I wasn't... And continued to bash me about the lack of socks. She offered me a ride home, as if getting in the car with a stranger with no carseat was safer than standing outside with slightly cold feet... And also bailing on the guy I was meeting....
post #27 of 62
I don't live in an apartment, but there are 34 steps to go up from the road to my house. I have a 3 & 2 year old. I leave them strapped in the van while DH & I carry bags up the steps. Then we either carry or hold the hand of the kids as we walk them up. The railing is too high for them to hold and the steps too steep for me to feel comfortable letting them go up or down alone. I am due with #3 in 4 days and when it is just me I have to take one child at a time. I keep waiting for my nosy neighbor to call the cops on us. He calls for everything else (leaves blowing into his yard on a windy day).
I can't wait to hear what comments I'll get when I'm out with the new baby in a wrap after the recall on the bag carriers. People hear recall on child items, but then they never bother to see exactly what is recalled and just thing all carriers are bad.
Also I get the "you aren't dressing the kids warm enough." from MIL who thinks kids need to be in coats, hats, socks, and shoes at all times. As well as I don't feed them enough because I don't leave food out on the counter for them to eat all day long.
post #28 of 62
Ech. He probably meant well and was thinking of those "baby dies in car" stories, but don't worry about it! You know you didn't do anything wrong.

And you're lucky - I got my first bad-parent scolding when DD was about two months old. It was a hot day, she was in the Ergo with the newborn insert, and I took her out to the grocery store without any socks on. The lovely Indian woman behind the counter gave me an earful! (As it happens, I'm currently writing an article about postpartum practices worldwide and have learned traditional Indian people have a Thing about babies being cold, related to traditional medicine. So that explains that. But still... she wasn't cold. I touched her feet and they were warm. She clearly thought I was young and flighty and up to no good. Fun!)
post #29 of 62
DS was 6 months old and in his stroller at the farmers market. We are in the shade, in the shade, in the shade, then hit the end of the aisle, the shade ends, so I make a u-turn to go back into the shade. The sun hit the face for two lousy seconds while making that u-turn and some little old lady (charging $4 for one fist sized non organic tomato ) screamed at me that he would go blind and I should cover his eyes up. I mean seriously.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nertsmommy View Post
I don't live in an apartment, but there are 34 steps to go up from the road to my house. I have a 3 & 2 year old. I leave them strapped in the van while DH & I carry bags up the steps. Then we either carry or hold the hand of the kids as we walk them up. The railing is too high for them to hold and the steps too steep for me to feel comfortable letting them go up or down alone. I am due with #3 in 4 days and when it is just me I have to take one child at a time. I keep waiting for my nosy neighbor to call the cops on us. He calls for everything else (leaves blowing into his yard on a windy day).
Neither DH or I would be comfortable with that. I would take the kids up, then have one parent stay with the kids while the other unloads. I would also have that house up for sale, doesnt sound kid friendly (no offense).
post #30 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by maddymama View Post
Hugs, mama! We've all been there to some degree. I solved my problem by wearing my toddler on my back in a mei tai or a soft structured carrier while I carried my groceries in. Sometimes it took a second trip, but I knew that DD was safe and I wasn't leaving her alone for any amount of time so no one (read nosy busybody neighbor) could complain about my parenting (other than "That looks dangerous to toss her on your back like that...."
~maddymama
yup!!
i had to water the garden in the summer with ds in a sling. no hose just buckets of water. ( we lived on a secluded island)I just couldn't leave him in the house and the garden was too big and akward for me to push the stroller around in.
post #31 of 62
Okay seriously I would like someone to tell me how they get out of the house without either leaving the children in the car alone or the house alone or outside while they get ready to go somewhere.

If I run the items I need to the car first my dd tries to come out or screams at the door because he thinks I'm leaving or he runs risk of his sister getting mad at him for something.

I usually buckle the children. And then run around grabbing what I need to put in the car. Coats, water bottles, library books, grocery bags, recycling, etc.

No biggie. The car is in a safe place. What do if you don't leave them.
post #32 of 62
i inadvertantly upset a momma the other day while picking up my dog at daycare.

i had my little one in his carseat/stroller and we walked outside with me holding the leash in one hand and driving the stroller in the other. i do this all the time, have no problem with it usually.

but, on this day, my poor dog needed to potty badly and she ran ahead (she's on a retractable) and her leash got hooked on to a car next to the door. you know, where the tape on the retractable got in between the trunk and the backlights. not a big deal, just takes you a moment to unhook everything.

apparently, i was next to the car for too long because i heard the locks engage and another chirp. i assumed it was an alarm setting. it was at that point i actually looked at/in the car and realized there was a sleeping toddler in a carseat in the back.

when the mom came out with her dog a moment later she seemed flustered and just got the dog in the car and drove off quickly. i wondered if she thought i was going to yell at her about the toddler or if she thought i was some weirdo staring at her son.
post #33 of 62
Oh cat I would feel so awkward after that... no way to explain yourself or anything. Eep.
post #34 of 62
You know, it is interesting that even here, it is taken for granted that a child in a car is not safe somehow - we only do it because we have no other option. I mean, I was given the evil eye when I put my baby in the car and walked twenty feet to return my cart. Honestly, what do people think will happen?

I have a toddler and a baby. I can't easily carry both so I put the toddler in the car and go back for the baby. Why is this something I should be worried about?

Is it bad that I let my two older kids play in the basement while i do dishes in the kitchen? That I let the baby sleep in another room while i do something else?

I wonder what these kids that are never let out from under the eyes of their parents will be like. It's no wonder people wonder how mom's with more kids manage.
post #35 of 62
I'm so sorry you got yelled at mama! I understand why he was concerned, but once he saw you come get her he should have backed off. Had it been me I may have just hung out near the car for a minute to make sure someone was coming right back.

When we lived in a apartment I strapped DD1 on my back while I did the groceries. Could you do this?
post #36 of 62
We live on the second floor of an apartment. Its relatively safe here, our car is parked feet from the front door. We have a laundry building across the small drive that goes through the parking lot.

When I do groceries by myself, ds will go in the wrap or mai tai, and I carry all the groceries in with two hands. Sometimes, I will take him off upstairs and get any remaining groceries. If DH is with me, I hold ds and he brings in the groceries, and I carry what I can, if needed.

When I return the cart, I will either keep ds with me, or leave him in the car, doesn't matter to me.

To me, leaving him in the car, buckled up, windows down if its warm-ish out is perfectly safe. I lock the car doors and never leave the keys in the ignition, because I would worry about someone stealing the car. He's not going to die of heat exhaustion or of cold, because if it was too hot, I would stick him on my back, and if its just a little warm, I would open the windows a little bit, and if its too cold, I wouldn't leave him in the car. plus, i'm not leaving him for too long. he isn't going to mess with the gears because he's buckled in, doesn't know how to unbuckle himself yet, and even if he did, he wouldn't be able to get to anywhere where he would be able to mess with anything, and even if he did, I'm sure I would notice it before anything could happen(at worst the car rolls back down the parking lot) OR, another car could hit the car, but that impact would be a lot smaller than the danger of driving the car on the actual road.

When I do laundry, If I'm planning on doing laundry and going somewhere in the car, I will put ds in the car, go back upstairs, grab the laundry baskets, and put them in the car, drive to the laundry building, and park somewhere where I will be able to see the car through a window. then I go in, leave ds in the car, and put the laundry in the washer. If I have to put the laundry into the dryer, I will either leave ds in the car or bring him in and let him play on the floor, and when I go back to collect the laundry, I often fold it there, and keep ds on my back, or let him play on the yucky laundry room floor(or in a basket .

and if the guy was only 20something, what are the odds of him actually knowing what its like to have kids that make a break for it? Its amazing how many childless people find the need to comment on parenting skills. , when I was pregnant, I was berated by a 17 year old for drinking half a can of pepsi(for the first time in a month), because she was sure it was going to do drastic harm to my baby
post #37 of 62
You just can't win.

You leave her in the car while you put the groceries inside the building, you get yelled at.

You put her in a sling/carrier, you get yelled at.

You let her walk next to you, you get yelled at.

I had a system where I would leave my oldest in the car while I ran the groceries to the elevator (I could see the car the whole time, the elevator was in the parking garage of the bldg). I would use a gallon of milk or something similar to hold the elevator door open while I made several trips from car to elevator, then I'd get the baby out and ride the elevator up to our floor. I got yelled at for hoarding the elevator by propping the door open like that! Really?

Sometime you have to choose between a rock and a hard place, you choose the best option you can.
post #38 of 62
I posted about this years ago,when it happened. When ds (now 6) was a baby, I parked at our local, small-town grocery store and got out of the car to get him out as well. As I was walking from the driver's side, around the back of the car to the rear passenger side (where my son's seat was), a woman shrieked at me, "Don't you leave that baby in the car!". I was shocked and stammered, "I wasn't...I was getting him." She furrowed her brow and grumped, "Yeah, right." and kept on going into the store. It was not a hot day (early March) and I was never more than inches from the car.

I'm not sure what she wanted me to do...crawl over the console and unbuckle him from the interior of the car....vault over the hood Dukes of Hazard style? I spent hours (as a nervous new mom) wondering if I had somehow missed that I was doing something dangerous.

I, too, object to the idea that merely being in a parked car is somehow dangerous to a child. Yes, heat kills. Yes, unsecured children can mess with the e-brake. Yes, a masked carjacker could spring out of the bushes and steal the car. But,really, if you are within eye and earshot of the car, the kid is buckled in a carseat, the weather is cool and the doors are locked...it is not more inherently dangerous to the child if the parent is standing outside the car for a few moments than if the parent is inside the car.

Like so many parenting things, it is a judgment call...a calculated risk. You know your kid, your street and your situation. Is it more dangerous to have the toddler by the hand next to the road while you drop off the DVD or use the ATM or is it more dangerous to leave the toddler in his/her car seat while you do the same? Everyone's situation is different.

It's not that some people don't do stupid things and I think we do need to watch out for each other's kids. If you are worried about a kid in a car, and Mom comes back from putting away the cart, smile and walk away. If you are worried about a kid in a car and Mom doesn't turn up for a few minutes, hang around and then, if need be, call the cops to rescue the kid. Screaming at the cart mom doesn't keep kids safer, it just contributes to ugliness.

I'm sorry you felt attacked, OP. I remember the feeling.
post #39 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessemoon View Post
I'm not sure what she wanted me to do...crawl over the console and unbuckle him from the interior of the car....vault over the hood Dukes of Hazard style?
That was a great mental image!
post #40 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amatullah0 View Post
We live on the second floor of an apartment. Its relatively safe here, our car is parked feet from the front door. We have a laundry building across the small drive that goes through the parking lot.

When I do groceries by myself, ds will go in the wrap or mai tai, and I carry all the groceries in with two hands. Sometimes, I will take him off upstairs and get any remaining groceries. If DH is with me, I hold ds and he brings in the groceries, and I carry what I can, if needed.

When I return the cart, I will either keep ds with me, or leave him in the car, doesn't matter to me.

To me, leaving him in the car, buckled up, windows down if its warm-ish out is perfectly safe. I lock the car doors and never leave the keys in the ignition, because I would worry about someone stealing the car. He's not going to die of heat exhaustion or of cold, because if it was too hot, I would stick him on my back, and if its just a little warm, I would open the windows a little bit, and if its too cold, I wouldn't leave him in the car. plus, i'm not leaving him for too long. he isn't going to mess with the gears because he's buckled in, doesn't know how to unbuckle himself yet, and even if he did, he wouldn't be able to get to anywhere where he would be able to mess with anything, and even if he did, I'm sure I would notice it before anything could happen(at worst the car rolls back down the parking lot) OR, another car could hit the car, but that impact would be a lot smaller than the danger of driving the car on the actual road.

When I do laundry, If I'm planning on doing laundry and going somewhere in the car, I will put ds in the car, go back upstairs, grab the laundry baskets, and put them in the car, drive to the laundry building, and park somewhere where I will be able to see the car through a window. then I go in, leave ds in the car, and put the laundry in the washer. If I have to put the laundry into the dryer, I will either leave ds in the car or bring him in and let him play on the floor, and when I go back to collect the laundry, I often fold it there, and keep ds on my back, or let him play on the yucky laundry room floor(or in a basket .

and if the guy was only 20something, what are the odds of him actually knowing what its like to have kids that make a break for it? Its amazing how many childless people find the need to comment on parenting skills. , when I was pregnant, I was berated by a 17 year old for drinking half a can of pepsi(for the first time in a month), because she was sure it was going to do drastic harm to my baby
I would really not feel comfortable with that. I have 3 children so I do understand how hard it is to do stuff with kids, but leaving a toddler in a car alone while going into a laundromat? I just don't think that's safe.
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