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got yelled at by a stranger - Page 3

post #41 of 62
I don't think that he should have yelled at you but I also don't think leaving a toddler in a car on the street is a good idea. I always ask people, in regards to leaving their child in the car while running into [insert place here], would you leave your purse, your cell phone or a stack of hundred dollar bills sitting on the back seat in plain view? I mean, it's just for a few minutes. You're just running into the house, the store, the laundromat, whatever. Most people would say absolutely NO. They wouldn't even consider leaving a large amount of money or their purse or a cell phone in plain view in their vehicle. Even for a minute. What if someone saw it? Someone could break in and steal it. Isn't your child infinitely more valuable to you than your cell phone or a stack of hundred dollar bills? If you wouldn't feel comfortable leaving those items in plain sight alone in a car then why would you feel comfortable leaving your child in that position?
post #42 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by marlee View Post
Okay seriously I would like someone to tell me how they get out of the house without either leaving the children in the car alone or the house alone or outside while they get ready to go somewhere.

If I run the items I need to the car first my dd tries to come out or screams at the door because he thinks I'm leaving or he runs risk of his sister getting mad at him for something.

I usually buckle the children. And then run around grabbing what I need to put in the car. Coats, water bottles, library books, grocery bags, recycling, etc.

No biggie. The car is in a safe place. What do if you don't leave them.
Honestly.... I usually let the kids run around the house while I pack up a bag or two to carry out to the car (library books, water, diaperbag, etc) and leave it by the door. Then I get DD1 ready, then DD2 ready and on my back, then I carry the bags while DD2 is on my back and walk with DD1 out to the car. If I need to do more than one trip then we might all three of us walk back and forth, or I'll run it out to the car when DH is home, or let DH put it in my car for me earlier in the am. I find a SSC is essential for quick up and downs like this. I also toss DD2 on my back to unload groceries.... DD 1 usually helps to carry a bag or two in with me.
This plan was essential when we lived on a busy street and had to pack a bit away from the door, and I was scared that DD would run out into the street. Now we live in a safer place, but I'm still in the habit of doing this.
~maddymama
post #43 of 62
I honestly think a stack of 100 dollar bills is a million times more likely to get stollen than your child getting kidnapped. Kidnapping is more rare than getting struck by lightning. And I'm sure most preditors would go for more easy prey than a locked car in broad daylight.

ETA. It's much more likely that your CAR would get stollen while your child just so happens to be inside. And a car theif would likely chose a empty car over an occupied one.
post #44 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by bcblondie View Post
I honestly think a stack of 100 dollar bills is a million times more likely to get stollen than your child getting kidnapped. Kidnapping is more rare than getting struck by lightning. And I'm sure most preditors would go for more easy prey than a locked car in broad daylight.

ETA. It's much more likely that you CAR would get stollen while your child just so happens to be inside. And a car theif would likely chose a empty car over an occupied one.
Well, I guess that's a risk you choose to take. I don't.
post #45 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heavenly View Post
Well, I guess that's a risk you choose to take. I don't.
On the other hand, you drive, which is much more likely to result in your child being killed than leaving him in a locked car for a few minutes.
post #46 of 62
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heavenly View Post
I don't think that he should have yelled at you but I also don't think leaving a toddler in a car on the street is a good idea. I always ask people, in regards to leaving their child in the car while running into [insert place here], would you leave your purse, your cell phone or a stack of hundred dollar bills sitting on the back seat in plain view? I mean, it's just for a few minutes. You're just running into the house, the store, the laundromat, whatever. Most people would say absolutely NO. They wouldn't even consider leaving a large amount of money or their purse or a cell phone in plain view in their vehicle. Even for a minute. What if someone saw it? Someone could break in and steal it. Isn't your child infinitely more valuable to you than your cell phone or a stack of hundred dollar bills? If you wouldn't feel comfortable leaving those items in plain sight alone in a car then why would you feel comfortable leaving your child in that position?
The space between the street and my apartment building is less than 20 feet. I don't live in an area with large front lawns. It's a side walk and a tiny bit of grass, so it takes literally 15 seconds AT THE MOST to run groceries to the front door. I know it seems dangerous to leave a toddler for a few seconds in a car, but it's probably statistically more likely that a toddler will get injured outside of a car. I don't worry a lot about my child getting kidnapped, but I worry a lot about my child getting hit by a car while I struggle with groceries, especially since I live on an alleyway (read cars driving in between buildings, unable to see pedestrians at all). I always take her with me when I put a cart back in the grocery store parking lot, but seriously I bet it's more dangerous to carry her with me than leave her in the car.
post #47 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluegoat View Post
On the other hand, you drive, which is much more likely to result in your child being killed than leaving him in a locked car for a few minutes.
I would assume that someone who is leaving a child in a parked car is driving as well, wouldn't you think? I doubt they own a car just to strap their child in periodically. Life is full of risks, but that doesn't mean you should introduce extra risk because of it.
post #48 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by scottishmommy View Post
The space between the street and my apartment building is less than 20 feet. I don't live in an area with large front lawns. It's a side walk and a tiny bit of grass, so it takes literally 15 seconds AT THE MOST to run groceries to the front door. I know it seems dangerous to leave a toddler for a few seconds in a car, but it's probably statistically more likely that a toddler will get injured outside of a car. I don't worry a lot about my child getting kidnapped, but I worry a lot about my child getting hit by a car while I struggle with groceries, especially since I live on an alleyway (read cars driving in between buildings, unable to see pedestrians at all). I always take her with me when I put a cart back in the grocery store parking lot, but seriously I bet it's more dangerous to carry her with me than leave her in the car.
Do you have a harness? I had a cute little backpack harness for the kids at that age. It was a puppy (but they make bears, horses, etc). You could park the car in your parking space, put the harness on her, and then carry your groceries while she walks safely beside you. You could even hand her one grocery item to carry (whatever she is strong enough to handle) and make a big deal about her being such a great helper and that she should stay close to you to help you keep the groceries safe.
post #49 of 62
I leave the kids in the car while I run back inside on regular basis. I also frequently leave my purse on the front seat.
post #50 of 62
I lived the in same situation as the OP. A walk-up apartment, only alley parking, busy downtown neighborhood. I had no choice but to leave DS in car while I unloaded groceries - he did not walk until 2.5 and I wasn't going to sit him on the ground while I brought in the bags. He was way safer in the locked car than unattended in the house.

It reminded me of a story of the woman who was ticketed (maybe arrested?) for leaving sleeping baby in the car while she pulled over at the entrance of wal-mart and she and her other son got out to put some money in the salvation army bucket. It was cold and snowy/icy. People said that the car could have been hit by another car??? Uh was far more likely to occur on the road, driving, not in the flippin parking lot. How was it safer for her to carry the baby on the icy parking lot 15 feet?

There is no common sense left in the world. There are a thousand what-ifs and we weigh the risks against each other every day. We all make riskier decisions for the sake of convenience when we choose to drive the car to the grocery store rather than walk as you are more likely to be in a car accident than be hit by a car as a pedestrian (assuming there are sidewalks and such).
post #51 of 62
Lol. And then you'll get flamed for having your kid on a leash. We can't win!!
post #52 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by bcblondie View Post
Lol. And then you'll get flamed for having your kid on a leash. We can't win!!
ha ha ha hah you are so right!!!!!!!!!!!!1
~maddymama
post #53 of 62
I have been in your shoes too. I know plenty of people who live in regular homes who will leave the kids in the car for a second while they run in for something. Life is so much harder in an apartment, and on the third floor too. Goodness tell the old bugger to bugger off.
post #54 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heavenly View Post
I don't think that he should have yelled at you but I also don't think leaving a toddler in a car on the street is a good idea. I always ask people, in regards to leaving their child in the car while running into [insert place here], would you leave your purse, your cell phone or a stack of hundred dollar bills sitting on the back seat in plain view? I mean, it's just for a few minutes. You're just running into the house, the store, the laundromat, whatever. Most people would say absolutely NO.
If the purse, cell phone, or stack of bills was in the same place my kid was, and the car was locked, and I was always in sight of the car, then.....Yes. Actually, I leave my purse with my cell phone in it in the car overnight in the driveway fairly regularly, with the doors locked.

My personal criteria for leaving kids in a car is: Buckled in, windows open if necessary due to weather, doors locked, 30 seconds or less away from the car at a time, and I can always see the car. I can't obsess over the one in a million chance that my car will get hit or carjacked while I'm 20 feet away; I couldn't function in daily life if I did. I rememer when DS was about 4 and DD about 2, I would leave them both strapped in the car in our driveway while I unloaded groceries at home (about 25-30 feet from the driveway to the back door) - the alternative, them both running around the yard (which they never did, they would keep trying to climb into the trunk I was unloading) or running loose in the house were WAY less safe, and trying to gate them or buckle them into highchairs in the house to contain them was less safe too, since they could tip those over potentially whereas they're going NOWHERE in a car seat. And trying to herd both of them making say, 8 trips over a 5-minute period with groceries and them on leashes vs making maybe 3 trips in 2 minutes with just groceries while they were secured in their seats? Makes me shudder just thinking about doing that every week when they were those ages.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bcblondie
Lol. And then you'll get flamed for having your kid on a leash. We can't win!!
Word. Though I have used leashes, too.
post #55 of 62
Yea I should clarify. I don't hold it against anyone if they chose to use one of those harnesses. It's better than being in a stroller and safer than letting them run free if they're the type to run off, especially if you ahve 2 of them, each running in opposite directions. lol. Every mom has to do what they have to do.
post #56 of 62
I lived in a third-floor walkup until about 2 years ago too. I had two kids age 2 and a baby. Anytime I had groceries that required more than one trip once both could navigate the stairs, or anytime I had groceries at all when I had to carry them, they stayed in the car while I ran the stuff up.

I always figured they were safer there--immobilized pretty much--and out of view of the main road in a parking lot, than in the apt. unsupervised, and they could've potentially tried to follow me and fallen down the stairs or anything.

I think what you did sounds safer than taking the chance the baby would run in the road while you have your hands full of groceries. You could SEE THE CAR the WHOLE time!

I don't think the old man had kids of his own, ever, or he would realize that.
post #57 of 62
i'm sorry he yelled at you the only other thing i can think of is to pack the perishables compactly into bags so that you only take them and DD into the building. leave the other groceries in the car for when DH is home. OR have DH do groceries; i email my husband a list at work and he gets the groceries. i walk everywhere so if i go to a grocery store, the groceries i get are in the buggy. i have told my husband that he is not even to go inside the gas station to pay for gas and leave the kids alone. take them in to pay or make sure he gets gas before he's with them alone (which is rare.) i'm SO paranoid that something will happen (a car will hit our car or something like that and DH won't get back in time to get the kids out safely or they'll roll into traffic.) i'm a little apt to always picture to the worst scenarios. maybe that man you met up with is just as anal and spends way too much time picturing bad things happening! LOL
post #58 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by maddymama View Post
Hugs, mama! We've all been there to some degree. I solved my problem by wearing my toddler on my back in a mei tai or a soft structured carrier while I carried my groceries in. Sometimes it took a second trip, but I knew that DD was safe and I wasn't leaving her alone for any amount of time so no one (read nosy busybody neighbor) could complain about my parenting (other than "That looks dangerous to toss her on your back like that...."
~maddymama
This is what I always did, but w/a ring sling. I did this even when we lived in a regular house on a regular quiet road.

Quote:
Originally Posted by maddymama View Post
Stephanie,
I've gotten some flack for that lately, too. I usually smile and say, "DD is perfectly safe in here/back there, but thank you for asking." Then walk on.
I just found out from a friend that I'm the "East coast hippie girl" in the neighborhood- ha ha ha ha ha...... bc of my carriers, CDing, and BFing. I took it as a compliment.
OT, but my hubby just got told the other day by a coworker that he is "such a hippie he is a plant", lol when he was telling about our new beekeeping adventure. Super big compliment!

Quote:
Originally Posted by tjjazzy View Post
i'm sorry he yelled at you the only other thing i can think of is to pack the perishables compactly into bags so that you only take them and DD into the building. leave the other groceries in the car for when DH is home. OR have DH do groceries; i email my husband a list at work and he gets the groceries. i walk everywhere so if i go to a grocery store, the groceries i get are in the buggy. i have told my husband that he is not even to go inside the gas station to pay for gas and leave the kids alone. take them in to pay or make sure he gets gas before he's with them alone (which is rare.) i'm SO paranoid that something will happen (a car will hit our car or something like that and DH won't get back in time to get the kids out safely or they'll roll into traffic.) i'm a little apt to always picture to the worst scenarios. maybe that man you met up with is just as anal and spends way too much time picturing bad things happening! LOL
When I didn't have dh's help, I would use a sling or MT carrier. Otherwise, I just simply wait to go til dh can help (even now at my kids' ages!), have my oldest dd get groceries, or email a small list to my dh for on his way home.

Hasn't anyone else seen the kids and cars commercials? All it takes is a few seconds for your precious little one to be taken away. Yes, it can happen while driving, walking along the sidewalk, and all other ways, but why introduce yet another way for it to happen?

And about kids and cars in the heat....I have a friend whose grown dd came home for a visit and my friend's little one (he was 2) got in his big sisters car to play. He got locked inside and they almost lost him. If that can happen so easily right out in front of their house, why can't someone come and yank your child out of the car before you have a chance to get back down those steps? Just too scary. We now lock all vehicles outside our house in the heat at all times.
post #59 of 62
When I pick up my boys from preschool, either DH or one of their teachers brings them to the lobby which is right by the parking lot. I leave DD in her carseat because it's ridiculous to have to get her out for two seconds and then put her back in. Well, a few years ago someone complained about this and one of the other parents at the school was talking crap about it behind my back. I had to ask the teachers to bring the boys directly to my car, which thankfully they were okay with. I mean honestly, what are people supposed to do? If I go to the gas station and go in to pay cash, I lock the doors and keep the kids in the car. Am I supposed to take all three of them in with me and risk them running around a busy gas station with cars speeding in and out? And then if something tragic happened I'd be arrested for neglect. But if I keep my kids in the car, people have a problem with that too! I just do what suits my family and put the horse blinders on for the rest of the time.
post #60 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by tjjazzy View Post
i'm sorry he yelled at you the only other thing i can think of is to pack the perishables compactly into bags so that you only take them and DD into the building. leave the other groceries in the car for when DH is home. OR have DH do groceries; i email my husband a list at work and he gets the groceries. i walk everywhere so if i go to a grocery store, the groceries i get are in the buggy. i have told my husband that he is not even to go inside the gas station to pay for gas and leave the kids alone. take them in to pay or make sure he gets gas before he's with them alone (which is rare.) i'm SO paranoid that something will happen (a car will hit our car or something like that and DH won't get back in time to get the kids out safely or they'll roll into traffic.) i'm a little apt to always picture to the worst scenarios. maybe that man you met up with is just as anal and spends way too much time picturing bad things happening! LOL
My mom is like you LOL. Apparently I'm supposed to keep all of my windows shut and locked at night, even when it's 75 degrees outside on a July night. We don't have central air conditioning, and I told her if she's that concerned, she can pay for the A/C. Until then, the windows stay open. She's convinced that someone is going to crawl in our windows at night and rob or murder us. This would be a huge mistake for the person who would attempt it, believe me. Besides, our hardwood floors creak and crack and I wake up easily, so I think I would hear someone trying to break in. I just can't go through life being paranoid like that.
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