Desperate for help with my 5-year-old

[CallMeMommy]

My DS is in kindy and his teacher just called me. For the past week/week and a half he's been extremely disruptive at school. She said he's very loud, talks out of turn, disrespectful, doesn't listen, and is mean to the other kids (she didn't say it like this, she didn't list off all his bad qualities right off the bat, but you get the gist). She figured last week it was due to me being gone for my first business trip and his world being thrown a little out of whack, but it hasn't gotten better. He's gotten time-outs almost every day this week, and today he sat out recess because he was so out of control (first time that's ever happened). One example, he was playing with some blocks during free time and she called clean-up, and he went over to a kid playing with a puzzle and started throwing the pieces across the room. And he thinks it's funny! He thought getting time-out for all of recess was funny! If you ask him why he did it he just says "I don't know..." If I press him harder he says "My brain makes me be mean, I can't help it." I'm just completely at a loss. He's my oldest, I have no experience with this, and when I called my mom for her opinion she didn't have any ideas because she never got any naughty calls from school with any of her kids. He wasn't like this at the beginning of the year, he was a little disruptive but was easily redirected but it's just gotten worse. The teacher thinks some of it is attention-seeking and I'm inclined to agree, but I just don't know what to do...

[kevinsgirl]

I don't have any personal experience, so I may not have a lot of help to offer... instead have a hug. ((hug))

I guess you could definitely start by giving him more attention. Maybe a date with the two of you, where you don't even bring up his undesirable behavior. Then another day, maybe while driving or doing something side by side, bring up the incidents again, and how you're concerned and want to help him with his self-control. I'm sure he knows how unacceptable his actions have been, but reiterate how there will be consequences at home when there are consequences at school.

Do you know how he best receives love (also called Love Language)? That would be something else in your arsenal.

Are there children between him and the new baby ( I see you're expecting, congratulations!)? Maybe he's worried about that change...

Does he have any food allergies? I've heard red dye especially can make children act out.

Just some ideas...

[kaybee]

We went through this earlier this year - my 1st grader suddenly started throwing things, talking loudly, being disruptive, etc. Interestingly, his teacher also blamed it on a business trip I had just taken. (To which I was somewhat miffed actually.)

A few things helped:
1) When he came home from school on days I knew were rough (because the teacher had emailed or called), I didn't give him "the talk", I told him I heard he needed a hug. He just burst out crying (and DID need a hug). I think he didn't really know why he was behaving the way he was, and having someone acknowledge that it was hard on him, too, helped.

2) We took away his some privileges until he could go a week without major incident. In this case, it meant no tv/movies until things improved. (He only gets 2 a week, but he really likes those).

3) I made sure that the teacher was able to spend a little bit of 1-on-1 time with him. He's a bright kid, so at this point in the year, that means he isn't the one called up to the teacher's desk to count by 5s (or whatever skill they need to demonstrate). So I asked her to let him do it. A small thing, but he really appreciated it.

He got over his funk after a few weeks - perhaps completely unrelated to anything we tried to do...

Good luck supporting your son as he figures out better ways to express himself in school. If it's possible for the teacher to give him attention (in a more positive way), that could help. I don't know - I'm not an expert on this - just another mom muddling through...