A couple of church questions.. - Page 2

[lilyka]

thats a good point. I have never known a church of any size to limit their fellowship activities to only people who are members of their own congregation. They generally consider this fellowship and outreach and welcome others in even if they attend a different church.

[Purple*Lotus]

Well something interesting happened today. One of my students was asking her Grandmother if they could go to church. Since they live in my town I just asked her where she went. She told me and it was one of the smaller churches I had been considering. She invited me to go on Sunday. I told her I had been looking for a new church. She told me great things about it.

Originally Posted by beanbean

You can attend the small groups at the megachurch and attend Sunday worship at a church that fits you better. It's not all or nothing!

That is a good point!

I have always been a big fish in a small church. I was in charge of a lot of programs and involved in choir, etc, in my past two. So being a small person in a huge church is scary to me!

[lolar2]

When you say "scary," what are you afraid might happen specifically? And how big and small do you mean by big and small-- that is, how big are the megachurches, and how big were your old, small churches? I may be able to suggest ways of being more comfortable in either case.

ETA to be sure, I have no stake in anyone joining any church-- I'm not a Christian and it isn't something that is important to me for other people to do-- but I'd like to see you reach a decision you feel at peace with, whatever you decide, and you sound as though you definitely want to join some kind of church.

[Shami]

Originally Posted by Bunnyflakes

Well something interesting happened today. One of my students was asking her Grandmother if they could go to church. Since they live in my town I just asked her where she went. She told me and it was one of the smaller churches I had been considering. She invited me to go on Sunday. I told her I had been looking for a new church. She told me great things about it.




That is a good point!

I have always been a big fish in a small church. I was in charge of a lot of programs and involved in choir, etc, in my past two. So being a small person in a huge church is scary to me!

You wrote that you were in charge of a lot of programs. Now you are afraid of being in a big church and not in charge of anything? Just clarifying. Have you ever heard any fellowship about Martha and Mary? I am going to write from memory so I hope I get it right.
In the gospels, I think it was just before the Lord was going to be crucified. He was with Mary and Martha and I think Lazaras? Martha was busy doing many things, but Mary was sitting at the Lord's feet. Martha was bothered because Mary wasn't helping. The Lord said that Mary has chosen the better part. I am not sure if the Bible says that Mary was listening to the Lord.
Anyway, Mary just wanted to spend time with the Lord. I am more of a Martha alway busy serving and doing many things. There are others that are more like Mary. These are the ones who are always praying and seem more spiritual. The church needs both kinds of people. I've been asking the Lord to put more Mary's in my life to balance me out a a bit and He's doing just that!
For some reason the Lord allowed you to go through this upheaval in your church life. Even though this was a very painful, negative thing, it could be that the Lord is giving you a chance to be a Mary for a while. By spending time at His feet, the Lord can have a way to infuse Himself into you and heal your broken heart.
Someone once told me to let the Lord be first, to love the Lord first above every thing and every person. Even our serving the Lord cannot replace our loving Him first. In our concept we might think that doing alot of practical serving is great, and we do need that. However, the Lord wants us, our heart, our love. Mary ministered to the Lord before His death. I think she was the one who poured out her love offering to Him, the alabaster flask of pure ointment and wiped His feet with her hair. She was ministering to Him, pouring our her best and spending time with Him.

[Purple*Lotus]

Originally Posted by lolar2

When you say "scary," what are you afraid might happen specifically? And how big and small do you mean by big and small-- that is, how big are the megachurches, and how big were your old, small churches? I may be able to suggest ways of being more comfortable in either case.

ETA to be sure, I have no stake in anyone joining any church-- I'm not a Christian and it isn't something that is important to me for other people to do-- but I'd like to see you reach a decision you feel at peace with, whatever you decide, and you sound as though you definitely want to join some kind of church.

Well these churches are the size of our high school here. Probably 2,000+ people. That is a lot of people. My old church had maybe 200 people on a good day. The one before that, maybe 75.

Originally Posted by Shami

You wrote that you were in charge of a lot of programs. Now you are afraid of being in a big church and not in charge of anything? Just clarifying. Have you ever heard any fellowship about Martha and Mary? I am going to write from memory so I hope I get it right.
In the gospels, I think it was just before the Lord was going to be crucified. He was with Mary and Martha and I think Lazaras? Martha was busy doing many things, but Mary was sitting at the Lord's feet. Martha was bothered because Mary wasn't helping. The Lord said that Mary has chosen the better part. I am not sure if the Bible says that Mary was listening to the Lord.
Anyway, Mary just wanted to spend time with the Lord. I am more of a Martha alway busy serving and doing many things. There are others that are more like Mary. These are the ones who are always praying and seem more spiritual. The church needs both kinds of people. I've been asking the Lord to put more Mary's in my life to balance me out a a bit and He's doing just that!
For some reason the Lord allowed you to go through this upheaval in your church life. Even though this was a very painful, negative thing, it could be that the Lord is giving you a chance to be a Mary for a while. By spending time at His feet, the Lord can have a way to infuse Himself into you and heal your broken heart.
Someone once told me to let the Lord be first, to love the Lord first above every thing and every person. Even our serving the Lord cannot replace our loving Him first. In our concept we might think that doing alot of practical serving is great, and we do need that. However, the Lord wants us, our heart, our love. Mary ministered to the Lord before His death. I think she was the one who poured out her love offering to Him, the alabaster flask of pure ointment and wiped His feet with her hair. She was ministering to Him, pouring our her best and spending time with Him.

No I prefer not to lead anything, it was always a headache. However, I do like being part of something. Not just sitting in a sea of people during a sermon. I want to crochet blankets for sick children. I want to do community outreach. I want to know everyone's name. That kind of thing.

[lolar2]

Originally Posted by Bunnyflakes

Well these churches are the size of our high school here. Probably 2,000+ people. That is a lot of people. My old church had maybe 200 people on a good day. The one before that, maybe 75.

OK, but what about the first part of my question-- you said such a large church is "scary" to you. I can think of a number of reasons why a person might not be interested in such a large church (including some you mentioned such as wanting to be very involved in things), and I can think of several large churches which would scare me even if I were a Christian, because they happen to have scary characteristics of one kind or another. But it wouldn't occur to me that there would be something scary about a huge church per se, if you see what I mean. If anything, I'd think the ability to remain anonymous might be comforting for someone with anxiety over church-going. What exactly is it that you find scary about them? Pinpointing that might help you to figure out where you do or don't want to get involved, church-wise.

[Purple*Lotus]

Oh, sorry, I did not mean to ignore your question.

People, in general, are scary to me. I am very obese and I get made fun of when I walk down the street, etc. That is a lot of potential people laughing at me, staring at me, pointing at me, etc. Not that I think that would happen in a church, but you never know. I also get nervous in malls, etc, when I am in large crowds alone. However, if I am with another person close to me, I am usually okay. Now that I am not with STBX, I am sort of on my own. I don't have any friends to go with. So being alone in a huge place scares me.

[lolar2]

Good grief, where do you live? I'm pretty close to your size (I saw a picture you posted one time) and I think I've had that happen to me all of one single time, since becoming an adult-- even including places like England and Singapore where there are not a lot of very big people. But in any case, you're basically saying you are uncomfortable in crowds, period. That would be an argument against joining a megachurch, for you. I do think most people who belong to megachurches by choice (as opposed to, say, children who are brought by their parents or people for whom it's the only local church of their denomination) probably find the crowd atmosphere more exhilarating than not, and that doesn't describe you.

[Purple*Lotus]

It is quite rare for me to walk down the street and not get made fun of by someone. I would say it is at least 99% of the time. I am very heavy, 450 pounds. So I am most likely the heaviest person most people will ever see. So that probably explains a lot of it.

[lolar2]

You know, you may be, but things you've posted on other subjects lead me to believe that you may not be living in the most courteous city on earth, let's just say that. It sounds as though nearly every facet of your life is full of rude people, including your former church. If I were in your situation (church-shopping among a variety of Christian churches), I think I might consider something that either you or a pp said, and try a church or two in the next town to see if maybe people are nicer there.

As for what you're describing you want size-wise, IME (in UU churches and also I've worked for Episcopal churches) you're talking about a 300 to 600-member church. A church like that is not hugely crowded, and it's fairly easy to get involved and be important, but you'd be less likely to get stuck with being in charge of things when you don't want to be because there are enough "natural leaders" to go around.

[ms.shell]

You can trust the leading of the Holy Spirit.

i wasn't going to say anything, but i do feel compelled to make a suggestion and maybe this is what is leading me.
Do you know if there is a Unity church in your area?
The one i like to attend in my town is VERY small...there are usually around 20 folks in sunday services, but it is the best i have ever felt about any church. I have also attended 2 other Unity churches in 2 other towns...one is a typical sized church with 2 or 3 hundred or more attending services, but I still got that same home feeling in their services. The other I liked, too, but i was attending it just after my divorce, with a 4 year old very attached child who wanted to sit with me and this apparently really bugged the minister who emailed me that children are unable to get anything from an adults service and are not welcome (tho my son had a conversation with me re something he heard in church and he definitely did get something very important from being in that service ("the love of God enfolds us...")
So i think it is probably the minister and the church family more than the denomination that makes a church "home" or not. BUT I find a lot of things about the Unity church VERY comforting and love their services more than any i have ever attended. What I love the very most is that at the end of every service, the congregation gets into a circle and holds hands and sings the peace song ("Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me....") And knowing that everyone in every Unity church is doing this on Sunday mornings is really special to me. I dont get to church often enough, but when last i went, my 1 year old started singing (beautifully), too, and everyone was laughing as we held hands and sang. I had tears streaming down my face and this wasn't the first time i have been moved to tears at this church.

i dont have a lot of respect for the mega churches in my area, because it seems to me that they are about getting as many members as possible to have the money to build bowling lanes and movie theatres etc in the church. I am sure this is a good idea for the youth but i just have known a lot of folks who attend these churches and they are the people who i see acting unchristian and talking about and making fun of people and being rude and mean and snobby. It seems to me that these people arent learning anything at church and it is all about being social and appearances and not about God.
I am not trying to judge them, sorry for sounding rude myself! I just feel SO MUCH more LOVE in the Unity church even when there are only a dozen folks in service than in a huge church. Also, more folks speak to and connect with me at the Unity church than at the enormous ones. And even though the congregation is small, they still have lots of extracurricular stuff going on, bible studies and meditation groups and missions and retreats and just coffee before services, etc. Something just tells me you would love it, too, if there is one in your area.
Good Luck! I hope you find your new church home soon!

[Purple*Lotus]

I don't think I have ever heard of a Unity church. Is that it's full name? I can check online to see.