Moms of Many/ Multiples (and anyone else!) re: guardianship

[eatingfor3]

My husband and I chose someone we loved and trusted to take our children in the event that something happens to us but because of reasons beyond our control, this person will not be able to take our kids if, God forbid, needed. This person was not a family member but a very very good friend. Now we are stuck deciding what to do about guardianship.

We are not comfortable with either of our parents taking our kids and none of our siblings are in a position to take on 4 kids at once, even with our life insurance. We have some friends who could take on 4 kids if absolutely needed, but we aren't as close with them as the person we had originally appointed (although I know they would agree to do it if we asked). We keep going back and forth about splitting them up and have 2 go to one person and the other 2 go to another. The thought of splitting them up, especially after losing their parents, really pains me. But I would want them to have the best life possible and overwhelming someone with four kids when they haven't parented, or parented that many, is going to be really tough.

So I guess I'm asking what you have done and how you came to the decision. Did you keep them with family members? Friends? Did you appoint one person or more, splitting up the kids?

I wouldn't be so manic about this normally but my husband works and extremely dangerous job and I've almost gotten in 3 car accidents in the past week alone (not my fault!) so it's in the forefront of my mind and I want to get this done ASAP.

Thanks!

[phathui5]

We have four children. We asked friends who were in our AP playgroup who share our religion and our parenting philosophy if they would take the kids if something happened to us. They're willing to do it. We make sure the kids have time to socialize with them so that they don't get to be strangers.

Dh and I are insured for about $500k combined, which would go into a fund for them to use for raising the kids.

[4Marmalade]

We have 4 dc's too. We have been fortunate to have my brother and sil (who have two dc's) agree to be guardians for our dc's if needed. I know that raising 6 children would be a huge commitment but rather than think about splitting up our children we have made sure to have a substantial enough life insurance policy for both dh and myself so that they could get whatever help they needed to raise 6 children.

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by phathui5

We have four children. We asked friends who were in our AP playgroup who share our religion and our parenting philosophy if they would take the kids if something happened to us. They're willing to do it. We make sure the kids have time to socialize with them so that they don't get to be strangers.

Dh and I are insured for about $500k combined, which would go into a fund for them to use for raising the kids.

OT - but 500K doesn't seem like that much for 4 kids. I am not a financial analyst, but it seems low, especially if you're in a high COL area (which i assume NYC is). They may need to get a bigger house, car, etc...not to mention feeding a clothing for howver many years.

[elmh23]

We have three children with plans for more and we appointed my husbands sister. In reality, she might not be able to do it simply because her daughter is 6 months older than my middle one and has SEVERE medical needs (she's on a vent, feeding tube, other stuff.) We don't have a huge life insurance policy either, but we're confident that the rest of the family would step in and help. Dh is one of five kids and 2 of them live near us as well as his parents, my mother and my aunt and uncle.

I know my BIL and SIL have four kids and they've said they don't have a will because they can't find anyone to take the kids together. I flat out told her I'd take them, even if it meant them sleeping on my living room floor for a couple months. That's complicated by the fact that the 2 oldest aren't biologically related to dh's brother (step-kids, but they call him dad) and their father might try and get custody of them, which SIL would want us to fight since the boys haven't heard from him in a couple years now.

[snoopy5386]

get more life ins. term life ins is very cheap. then your sibs could take the kids.

[Heavenly]

I would never, ever consider splitting my kids up. Can you imagine how horribly traumatic that would be for them??? I agree with a PP, get higher life insurance and leave them to someone who could take them all.

[eatingfor3]

Thanks, everyone, for your responses.

Originally Posted by Heavenly

I would never, ever consider splitting my kids up. Can you imagine how horribly traumatic that would be for them??? I agree with a PP, get higher life insurance and leave them to someone who could take them all.

Yes, I totally agree it would be traumatic for them. The problem we are having is that no one we know is equipped, emotionally, mentally or physically, to take on the responsibility of 4 additional children. Money isn't the issue, they'd be covered that way for sure (DH has 3 policies and I have 1, plus they'd get DH's pension). It's the actual raising of them, and raising them in a way that we would be comfortable with, KWIM?

So would splitting them up and giving them to people who could handle 2 additional kids be worse than keeping them all together and giving them to someone who would not be able to handle the stress of raising 4 additional kids?

I'd like to think that everyone would "rise to the occasion" and be able to raise them as well, or even better than I can, but I can't see that happening. I'm not saying I'm mother of the year, but no one we know has this many kids or even WANTS this many kids. Our friends who would do it don't really want to do it, even though they would. I don't want my kids to be a burden... I'm rambling... got too much sun today

[Heavenly]

Trust me, I understand your concern. I have a son with a disability and I don't know anyone who would be able to handle his care. We don't even have guardian appointed, so you're doing better than us.