Am I doing something wrong? Feeling frustrated

[GreenGranolaMama]

This might be a long post- going to try and keep it organized!

My 12mo DS is spirited and energetic. I feel like our days together are lacking in something and I am trying to figure it out. I'm not big on scheduling so I've just been following his flow to a point but I feel like something has gone amiss. I feel like our days together have become a little scattered and he ends up following me around the house fussing while I am trying to catch up on the chores (that never seem to end).

I spend most of my day playing with him (and I try to follow his lead in terms of play, sometimes I try and engage him in specific things like books or certain toys but nothing holds his interest for very long) but it never seems like enough or the right things at the right time.

I don't know- I try and read his cues but I feel like he ends up just crying all the time- we've been signing with him since he was 4mo but he hasn't really picked up on it- and it seems like everything makes him cry. I am a super gentle and attentive Mama- we also are very AP (babywear, co sleep, no CIO etc...) but it doesn't seem to matter at all. When he's done eating- he cries. When i change his diaper- he cries. When I change his clothes- he cries. When I put him into his carseat- he cries. Mornings that I have to be somewhere early end up being a complete nightmare.

Am I just totally failing? Some days I feel like I am 'teaching' him nothing because the day just ends up feeling frantic.

[tangledblue]

A few thoughts:

Do you go somewhere often, like to a park, the library, a friend's house? Most days, I try to do something with DD in both morning and afternoon. Also, we have a loose routine so she knows what to expect, and it's been about the same since she was a year: get up, have milk, play for 45 min or so, breakfast, she plays while I clean up, we get dressed, go somewhere (even just to the grocery store) come back, have lunch, nap, and then go out again (taking snack with us) or stay home and do a craft or something. Simple but enough of a change of pace so that she a) knows what to expect and b) doesn't get too bored.


Also, you say you play w/him all day and follow his lead--maybe when you play with him, introduce him to some new activities, and then let him explore them on his own--hang out with him so he knows you're there but let him do his own thing. Then, when he gradually gets more comfortable playing by himself, and has a longer attention span, you'll have an easier time getting chores done without having to divide your attention, which sounds like it might be causing some fussing. And you can still give really good focus when you're not doing chores.

Also, he can help with some of them--he might want to try sweeping or mixing up muffin batter or whatever. My DD loves to clean up spills. Go figure.

Good luck!

[LiLStar]

Its kind of a tough age.. they're not little babies anymore who are content to just snuggle in a sling or sit on your lap all day (or hang out in a bouncer or swing when you need hands free) they're crazy mobile and into everything, yet not quite big enough to do things an older toddler can. parks and playgrounds can be a little too advanced (if they're not shoveling the wood chips into their mouths) communication is minimal, they've grown past the stage where just chewing on a toy is sufficient entertainment, but they haven't reached the level of creative play. And to top it off, they're becoming super clingy at this age!

No advice... just want to say that you're doing nothing wrong, you're NOT failing and you don't need to go out of your way to teach a baby for him to learn!

If it helps.. some things that make my nearly 1 year old very happy are peekaboo, crawling around and chasing him around and tackling him with hugs and kisses, finger plays like this little piggy, etc. and just being down on the floor at his level and making silly faces, sticking out my tongue, blowing raspberries, clicking my tongue.. that kinda thing, seeing if he tries to copy me.

For toys he likes musical toys big time. not electronic, just like a little tykes piano, maracas, even banging a couple blocks together. And its TOTALLY fine for them to only be interested in a certain toy for ohh,.. 10-15 seconds before moving on

[chipper26]

My dd's sign language didn't really take off until around 14 months or so, if I remember correctly. It was a huge help b/c she could really communicate with us... we really worked on helping her learn as many signs as she wanted.

But, this also may be a phase. I notice that sometimes when things get particularly tough with my dd it doesn't last that long, it comes in waves.

At 12 months, her attention span was so short. She'd play with toys for a short period of time and I'd have to help her, play with her, redirect her, etc. Does he seem frustrated? There's so much they want to do but can't - especially when they have trouble communicating.

Do you think he might be feeling sick? HAs he seen a doctor lately (maybe for 12 month wellness?)

You aren't a failing mama, you are figuring it out as you go like the rest of us. Hang in there! Do you take him out side much - to the park or for walks?

Just some random ideas... hope they helped.

[sapphire_chan]

Get outside. Whenever he's upset and refusing everything you try, get enough clothes on the two of you for modesty and head out the door. Even just standing in your yard looking at a bush can help, but it's even better if you can go for a walk.

Get a carrier to put him on your back. I was horrible about remembering to do this, but when Lina could see what I was doing she was a lot better about me getting chores done. (What I did instead was hold her and work one-handed.)

Regular weekly outings are helpful.

[DanielleT]

I too agree, you're doing nothing wrong!! Kids that age have zero attention span so activities need to be short or they will loose interest...My littlest was two in February and if i can remember at one she too didn't want me to change her diaper, her clothes or wash her face and hands and you know what just take it day by day and it will pass...make it fun and if your child is old enough to understand make it a game (that they can win)...I think they feel the same way as we do; their in an inbetween stage of independence and not quite sure where they stand so they're trying to figure it all out!!
It will work it self out, hang in there!