sudden pre-K separation anxiety in 3 1/2 yr old

[cheeselady]

Ds#2 is 3 1/2 and has been going to an amazing pre-K class (Waldorf) across the street from where Dh and I work. Ds#1 also goes to K there. Suddenly, 5 months after he began school (3 half days/week), he doesn't want to go. Today, it killed me, I left him screaming in the very loving teacher's arms. I have to repeat, I WORK ACROSS THE STREET!

I ask him what's up, but get no understandable answer. I know, he can't really articulate it now. We did just come back from a week long vacation, we are moving into to our first (yeah!) house in a couple of months, but otherwise all is the same and good.

What do I do?? I hate leaving him crying, but I really need to go to work for 3 1/2 hours while he's in school, it's the only time that we leave him with anyone other than Dh and myself.

Will this pass and will ds#2 ever love school again??

Thanks, I don't know how parents do this!

Caroline
mom to August (12/14/03) and Ronan (9/13/06)

[brokenheart]

How is he when you pick him up? Can you maybe stay (out of his line of view) and observe one day to see what happens after you leave? I remember when DD was 3.5/4....she was fine going to preschool, but several little ones were crying for their moms. I think it is normal. BTW, none of those kids were crying the next year.

[waterproofmascara]

This too shall pass. When my ds was that age he started crying hysterically and clinging to my leg- "No mommy, don't leave me. I hate it here." That lasted about a month, and then he started hanging onto the teacher when I came to pick him up- "No mommy, let me stay. I don't want to go home."

[crwilson]

My dd, who is about the same age, cries every morning and says that she doesn't want to go to school. Then, she has a great day at school (by all reports), and is happy as can be by the time she gets home. I worried a lot for awhile about what might be going wrong, but I think she just doesn't like transitioning in the morning and would rather stay home with us at that particular moment. (On weekends, by Sunday she wants to go to school because she's bored with us.)

[LynnS6]

We saw a final burst of separation anxiety at that age too, for ds. It passed. In our experience, at least, it was related to cognitive developments in his ability to think ahead. He was anticipating the separation and getting anxious about it. Once the separation happened, he was fine.

If your son is fine after some minutes, I really wouldn't worry, as hard as it is.

[robinchap1]

My DS is almost 4 and also goes to a GREAT preschool/daycare and has loved it for the last 2 years. This year in particular he has very motherly, loving teachers and has done wonderfully there. Yet, all of a sudden, in the last 3 weeks, has started doing the same thing as your DS. I have no idea why. I agree... it is heartbreaking! I left there crying myself one day last week (I recommend avoiding this if at all possible btw!).

I have been trying desperately to figure out what in heck is going on with him and I can't. He apparently settles in after a bit and has a great day. His teacher (who I really respect) has advised me that kids this age go through stages of trying to figure out what they can control, etc. She is advising to stop continually asking him what is wrong and just say things like, "Your job is to go to school and Mommy's job is to go to work. You will have so much fun here today. I love you very much and I will be here at the end of the day and we will have a great afternoon together." She said to just be very positive, giving him the message that I trust the school and his teachers and that he is ok here. And to hug and kiss him and GO. I've been trying that and it's helping most days.

It is kind of nice to hear that others have gone through this around this age. It has been baffling me.

I feel for you... it is so so so hard!

[cheeselady]

After a nerve wracking week, this Monday he asked, "Am I going to school today?" When I replied, "Yes," he burst into tears. Yuck. Then we managed to separate at school and he had two teary meltdowns, which his brother in the kindergarten room next door helped with. On Tuesday he wasn't happy that he was going to school, but went right to digging in the huge sandbox when I dropped him off and seemed fine.

Today, his last day for the week, he said, "Am I going to school?" When I said, "Yes," he said, "Yeah!" He had one meltdown when a classmates mom got to sit at the snack table, since they were celebrating a birthday, but was fine. He was happy to be at school and was his usual sunny self at the end of the day.

I guess he worked through whatever was bothering him. We will see how it goes on Monday...

Caroline
mom to August (12/14/03) and Ronan (9/13/06)

[Grace and Granola]

My ds1 had one bad week following every week off. I think it's totally normal and I'm glad to hear your ds worked through it!