Okay, I've been pretty good about my zen. But since you created this easy outlet...I. am. so. freaking. tired. And you did say it beautifully...it makes everything out of proportion.
Let's not even discuss the sleep issue and the two year old that suddenly wants to sleep in our bed again after months of hard sleep training. He crawls in the middle with all twenty of his elbows and thirty of his knees.
Here's my typical night for the last week...Can I just say I'm a bed Nazi?
I love you, I love to cuddle, I love sex, (especially when it promotes labor) but then get the hell away from me. It's 800 degrees, I'm sweating like a pig the size of a cow and want my damn space. The one time of day I can be a big fat pregnant slob and snore or drool and sleep in my own private dreamland...except DH is up my butt! DH the most hands off guy. Like, it's my job to initiate affection. Which is cool, he's always reciprocal, just not an initiator. Until I'm 10 months pregnant and exhausted. Then he wants up my butt!
If you split the (California King sized) bed in half (which in my logistics, there are two of me so, technically, I should get like um 3/4 of the bed) but okay fine if you split the bed in half it would be "fair." Except DH lays right. on. the. line. Facing my way. This equates to about 75% of the bed in my book. (yeah I actually look at the 50% line markers like the center of the headboard and eyeball measure how much he is hogging in the middle of the night
)And then, he coughs, and smacks his lips and rubs his hands over his face nearly elbowing my face about five hundred times through the night.
So, I can only lay on my left or right side to begin with. Now my
alloted bed space is half gone, AND when I do finally choose my left side I get to deal with you smacking imaginary gum and throwing elbows in my face? ARGH! I ask him to please move back and he mutters that he can't because it's dark and he can't see.
He's tired and can't even think...and I just think to myself, it must be nice to sleep so hard you give THAT for a response.
This is the point where I decide I'm going to get up to pee and hopefully the noise will wake him up enough to realize he is being an unfair bed hog. I flip on the bathroom light, slam down the toilet seat (that HE left up) trickle out my tablespoon of "really I woke up for that?!?!
" and be sure to flush, wash, and shut the door loudly on the way out. Oh, it works, he wakes up all right and he has now taken my comforter hostage as his own personal body pillow.
OMG I'm gonna kill! I grab my pillow and comforter and yank them from his tightly clenched fists. I will not have DH drool on my sacred bed buddies. He wakes up with a start and is pissed at me for being mean and waking him up so rudely.
About the time things settle down and I have at least 40% of the bed again, drift off into a peaceful slumber...this little two year old says "drink" about a foot from my head. Which really means "me and my elbows want the middle please-or I will wake up screaming every thirty minutes til dawn-so move over lady"
Okay so to complete my novel length rant is it that big of a deal the midwives are coming today and DH finally got around to painting the matte finished wall patches with glossy paint? No. But it's way outta proportion in my head. Is it that big of a deal that I'm 36.5 with no signs of dropping or impending labor at all? Well, no, it's pretty normal really. But it's way outta proportion in my head. Is it that big of a deal that suddenly DS's diapers are springing leaks left and right and I JUST spent a whole day romancing the carpets with a rented rug shampooer? Well, no, but damnit it feels pretty out of proportion to ME! I could keep listing, but really it's not all that big of deals it's just me. My bills are paid, there's food in the fridge, no one is sick and that right there is the start of a great list of gratitude, but man am I out of proportion right now!
Can I deal with three more weeks of these hormones?...if I don't get some sleep, probably not!
Is it nap time yet?
Thank you for the opportunity to leave my baggage behind. I'm going to let it go now, and move about my day