Can you help me brainstorm how to keep my job?

[annettemarie]

It's just a silly little part-time job, but I love it. I direct our church's children's choirs. I started out with just one choir and now have 3-- a teen choir, an elementary school choir, and a toddler/preschool choir.

Right now, it's a struggle. The itty bitties meet during Sunday School, so that's not such a big deal. The other two choirs meet on Sunday evenings, teens from 4- 4:30 and elementary from 4:30 to 5. The struggle comes because my three and six year old don't have an adult to watch them, but we've managed with my older two watching them during teen choir time and one of the teens watching them during the elementary choir.

But next year, I'll have twins, and I don't see how I can do it without an adult a trust to watch them. But I want them in the same building with me and I can't pay someone to watch them. My pay works out to about $30 a week, which just isn't really enough to pay a sitter out of for all the time I put in.

My husband can't watch them because he's leading Confirmation classes from 4:30-5:30. He could maybe watch them while I did the teens.

And that doesn't solve the problems of Sunday mornings. When we thought it was just one baby, I just figured I would toss the baby at one of the church ladies and grab it back after we sang. But two babies? That's twice as hard to coordinate nursing, keep quiet, etc. And even if I felt comfortable using it, which I don't, we only have nursery during the second service.

I really love this job. It's what I went to school for (music education) and it's the only "grown up" thing I feel like I do anymore. I feel like a professional, and I'm pretty good at it. They've gone from singing Sunday School songs to songs with harmony and I'm just really proud of it. I don't want to give it up, but I am having a really difficult time envisioning how it could possibly work. Do you have any ideas for me?

[lolar2]

My first thought is that this sounds like a pretty good-sized church, if there are that many choirs. Which means you're underpaid. Can you ask for a raise, at least enough to cover a babysitter?

[annettemarie]

Well, it gets hairy because I'm the pastor's wife. Also, they never asked me to start extra choirs, I just did. One idea, I guess, would go back to just the one choir and ask the choir director who gets paid the big bucks to take the itty bitties and the teens. I would really miss the teens though.

[lolar2]

Two other ideas, then:

1. Change the schedule around in some way. Some kids will probably have to drop out, but you might also pick up a few who can't make the current time.

2. Pay a babysitter at a bit of a loss, and consider this an investment in keeping up your skills and filling in your resume. DH and I are in music too, I know how that goes.

Congratulations on the twins, in any case!

[ALittleBitCrunchy]

Instead of asking for a raise (in your situation) I would consider moving the times to immediately before or after the services and then ask for a volunteer to provide childcare. If it amounts to staying after church for an hour to cuddle and admire newbie twins, which I think would be a popular job among the church lady set

[Girlprof]

I'd ask for help from church ladies too. Actually, I can imagine plenty of ladies church or otherwise, who would be super happy for the chance to hold an itty bitty baby for an hour or so.

[lolar2]

Of course, when the twins start crawling in opposite directions you might need an especially spry church lady. (And this thread is giving me a hilarious mental image of Dana Carvey babysitting.)

[annettemarie]

Thanks for the giggle!

OK, I think I am going to drop the two choirs I started. I'm not being paid to do it and the main choir dude is, so . I'll really, really miss my teens though.

And I am going schedule a meeting with the music staff about how to make this work. I just feel like this is the one grown-up, professional thing I do and I really don't want to give it up. But I'm worried that I'm just being selfish, and the babies should come first. I mean, they will come first, but if there's a way to have both, then I want that. *is conflicted*

[lolar2]

Maybe you could just drop it for a year or two and then pick it back up when the twins are older.

[annettemarie]

True! Everything seems very "ZOMGOSH MY LIFE IS CHANGING FOREVER!!!!11!!!" right now.

[ihugtrees]

I don't see why asking someone from your church to volunteer for an hour once a week is not feasible. I would totally do it if someone from my church asked me to

Have more confidence that what you're providing is a beautiful ministry, because I'm sure it is! I feel like you are belittling your hard work, a little, by calling it a 'silly little job', etc. This is something you are passionate about, and I bet those kids enjoy choir, or they wouldn't come! I don't see a problem with being away from your twins, even newborns, for an hour once a week, but that's just me.

Congrats on the twins, mama

[GuildJenn]

I think you should give your church community the opportunity to help you out before you give up your dream...if they don't then there's time to cancel it.

But - if you feel totally overwhelmed that is okay too. Twins! Congrats!

[lunarlady]

I would ask the teens if they have a parent that would volunteer. Explain your situation, and then explain that they will lose you as their choir director if you can't resolve this conflict. Let them "rescue" you from the situation. Teens love to help out! You might be surprised how many parents are willing to step up and help, esp. if the choir is important to their teenage kids. Drop the other choir you are not as attached to.

[annettemarie]

I guess the reason I feel guilty is because I'm paid staff. It's not as if other people who are paid to do jobs are able to ask people (their employers, essentially) to step up and watch their kids for them. But I guess it is kind of fuzzy with it being a church job and all and with my DH being the pastor.

[lunarlady]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I guess the reason I feel guilty is because I'm paid staff. It's not as if other people who are paid to do jobs are able to ask people (their employers, essentially) to step up and watch their kids for them. But I guess it is kind of fuzzy with it being a church job and all and with my DH being the pastor.

Actually, we (schoolteachers) do this all the time. We ask parents (usually the PTSO) to provide daycare during conferences, so that we can focus on our jobs. Most people who are parents have had help at different times in their lives, even when they were being paid. So don't feel too bad. I've yet to meet a parent who didn't "get it". We also have a coach with young twins right now, and all the girls on the team have taken turns arranging care for the kids during the games. Sometimes it is the girls friends (two or three for the two twins) and sometimes it is a parent. But they enjoy arranging it and it makes them feel like they are giving back to their coach. It's okay to open the door for others to be giving!

[annettemarie]

OK, now I'm crying, LOL! I'm really really bad at asking for help. I have a feeling this is one of the things this whole twins gig is going to teach me. You're right, I think. And really, I would jump at the chance to snuggle a baby for a half an hour. I'm sure there has to be other people who would feel that way as well.

[woodchick]

I used to teach private swim lessons. When I only had DD1 she would go happily to the day care room at the Y. When DD2 came along I wasn't comfortable leaving her there when she was so little.

But I really liked the girls that I was teaching. I explained the dilemma to the moms and they were THRILLED to play with the baby while I taught their girls in the pool. They paid me to teach their girls and provided care for my babe as well.

One thing I have learned- never say no for other people. I try to give people the option of sayiong yes. (and then I quickly take them up on it!)