DD acts weird around friends....very rude to me

[brokenheart]

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[lucysmom]

First, a big hug. That sounds really cruddy.

What would I do? Communicate calmly and firmly that this is completely unacceptable and will not be allowed. That can mean a variety of things, but I try not to threaten a punishment in advance (when I used to do that, my DD would evaluate whether it was worth it to break the rules because she didn't care enough about what would be taken away). Just impose a consequence that is meaningful to her if it happens again. It might be as little as you being disapproving. For my DD, that actually is about the most potent thing I can do -- be unhappy with her.

In terms of why it is happening -- from your post it sounds as though maybe you are taking to heart what your DD says she things of you, more than you need to. She may be picking up on that and it may be fuel for the fire. Can you try saying to yourself: she loves me, regardless of what she is saying at the moment; I've been good to her, and when she's 20, that will dawn on her. Projecting that you are wounded by her actions can, I think, be an incentive for a kid to continue behaving this way. Perhaps that explains why you don't think she'd act that way with her dad -- perhaps she knows it wouldn't have as much impact on him.

Just my two cents there. Anyway, I would not negotiate this with her. It would be a non-negotiable rule of how we treat one another. I also wouldn't act like it ruined your whole day -- I don't think you want to convey that she can control your core emotions like that.

Best of luck.