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Bad etiquette or too sensitive? Party related - Page 3

post #41 of 89
Do people not learn how to behave anymore? In what universe is poking around in a host's kitchen uninvited even remotely acceptable? I don't care what your special-snowflake food issues are - that's not okay. If your family only eats organic tofu made by the light of the full moon, fantastic, you still don't get to act like you grew up in a barn.

I would write this person off as a complete nutball and not trouble myself with it any further.
post #42 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by eepster View Post
I feel that it's a bit of both rudeness on her part and over reactions on your part.
  • Going through your pantry was definitely rude. She may have been clueless enough to view your offer of "can I find you something else" to be an open invite to the kitchen.
  • Calling the pizza "greasy" was more blunt than out right rude. Pizza often is greasy, even if it is good pizza. Speaking as someone with gallbladder issues, it is different from the fat in ice cream in how it can effect the stomach, so I wouldn't necessarily doubt her concern over it upsetting her stomach.
  • Eating 3 bowls of ice cream being rude or not depends on whether everyone was being offered extra servings of ice cream and the only reason it bugged you with them was b/c it was different ice cream, or if all the other kids were only served one serving of the regular ice cream. If the other kids were being offered all the ice cream they wanted, then it wasn't rude for them to take a similar amount, but if everyone else got one serving then the regular ice cream went away, extra servings for one kid was rude.
  • Wanting organic versions of "junk" food is not inherretly rude. Many people aren't overly concerned about the fat and sugar calories that people have used for generations, but are bothered by the very scary chemicals in our food. It probably mostly seemed rude b/c she was already being rude by going into your pantry and the way she said it.
  • Calling her to tell her she offended you was rude.
  • She may have thought your family normally ate organic ice cream and generally ate organic (she saw what was in your pantry after all) and thought that you had only bought non-organic food for guest. This may have felt rude to her, she may have felt like you didn't feel your guests were important enough to have your usual expensive organic food.
  • Emailing her back is an unnecessary escalation of matters. Just marking the email as spam so you filters would catch any future emails would have been sufficient.
eepster said it better then I could. She was very rude, but you seem to keep wanting to make it worse.
post #43 of 89
I would NEVER go through someone else's kitchen like that! You weren't being sensitive--they were being RUDE RUDE RUDE!!!! How DARE she act like that? If it were me in your shoes, I'd strike this family from any future guest lists.

Edit: I just read the whole thing (sorry, I should have done that before opening my mouth!) and I'm glad you are backing away from her. Don't email or call anymore. There're no point.
post #44 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cascadian View Post
I brought some snacks to a meeting the other day - I was on the run, didn't have time to get anything from a nicer store, but bought seed and dried fruit mix....and some chocolate covered almonds (just cuz I thought it would be nice).

A woman I offered them to said "Oh, I don't eat drugstore chocolate." (It was a grocery store, not a drug store, but I felt...ugh...so just kinda..left)

I get how you felt. Rude, rude, rude and with no graciousness.
Why do people think snobbery is acceptable these days?
post #45 of 89
Oh man... that is beyond rude!!!

I am on a very strict diet & DS eats only what I eat... so needless to say, we are very limited when attending events... but one, I always try to find SOMETHING I can eat so the host won't feel offended (why couldn't she eat the salad? or the fruit? That's not greasy!) and 2, I would never go rooting around in someone's kitchen, even if it's extended family, and 3, if I was still hungry (which I often am) I would keep my mouth shut, not ask for directions to a store and put down the food you've served!!!

Wow I just can't believe that...
post #46 of 89
She was rude! You offered up front. You offered other things. Beyond that you owe her them nothing she crossed the line on rudeness.
post #47 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by lalemma View Post
I don't care what your special-snowflake food issues are - that's not okay. If your family only eats organic tofu made by the light of the full moon, fantastic, you still don't get to act like you grew up in a barn.

.

That was just hilarious.


To the OP: Yeah, she was rude. Seriously, if I caught someone digging through my cabinets, I'd have words for them. Not so nice words.
post #48 of 89
I think a lot of the things she did were rude. However, I think you were rude after the fact, too. Telling someone they lack class generally does more to reflect on the speaker's class than the listener.
post #49 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by eclipse View Post
I think a lot of the things she did were rude. However, I think you were rude after the fact, too. Telling someone they lack class generally does more to reflect on the speaker's class than the listener.

This.
Yes, she was rude. But if I invite someone to my home and they behave that way - I think they are not "my" people and distance myself.
Why does everything have to be a confrontation?
Let it go.
post #50 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by eepster View Post
I feel that it's a bit of both rudeness on her part and over reactions on your part.
  • She may have thought your family normally ate organic ice cream and generally ate organic (she saw what was in your pantry after all) and thought that you had only bought non-organic food for guest. This may have felt rude to her, she may have felt like you didn't feel your guests were important enough to have your usual expensive organic food.
I have to disagree with this one. The guest may have felt offended by not being served organic ice cream, but she would NEVER have known if she hadn't rudely gone poking through the pantry. The OP can't be held responsible for that. Now, if she had served her own child organic ice cream and then dished out some cheap stuff for everyone else, that would be rude, but that's not what happened here.
post #51 of 89
I think your guest was rude and I don't think you were sensitive for seeing her behaviour as rude; however, I think you could have responded to her rudeness in a better way. Our society is so filled with rude people that if we meet every act of rudeness with an act of rudeness of our own (however justified) we just lower ourselves to their standard of conduct.

In your situation I would have vented to my mum or a friend about what a rude guest she was and then let it go. I wouldn't invite her over again and would politely decline any invitations that might come from her. I have no interest in "friends" like that.

For future parties where you are the hostess I would be generous but set boundaries that the food you are serving is what's on offer.
post #52 of 89
She was rude, you didn't need to follow up but given that you did, and she replied, I have to admit that this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by gbailey View Post
I replied that I think she needs to read a book on class because she does not have any
made me laugh out loud.
post #53 of 89
Sounds like simple bad manners to me.
post #54 of 89
I'm another one curious about how she interpreted salad as "greasy food."
post #55 of 89
Poor kid.

I don't even mind that the woman didn't want any of the party food. But going through your kitchen? WTF?!? Her parting shot about greasy food was way over the line, too.

Good on you for phoning her and calling her on her rudeness, BTW. People need to know what boors they are. I would have firmly asked her and her kid to leave when it became apparent why she felt she could root through the kitchen as if it was her own.
post #56 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly1101 View Post
I'm another one curious about how she interpreted salad as "greasy food."
Maybe she thought the hostess had pre-dressed the salad with some sort if oil and vinegar based dressing. It's not uncommon at parties for hosts to pre-toss a salad with dressing. If the guests tummy just can't handle any oil at all then, salad dressing is out.
post #57 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by r&mmommy View Post
This.
Yes, she was rude. But if I invite someone to my home and they behave that way - I think they are not "my" people and distance myself.
Why does everything have to be a confrontation?
Let it go.
And why can't there be more honesty in North American culture? I would much rather know if I offended someone than wonder why someone was "distancing" themselves from me.
post #58 of 89
I haven't read anything else but my first thought is that this person wouldn't eat greasy food but will load up on sugar? 3 bowls of ice cream are you kidding, and fruit leathers beforehand. WOW. Sorry you had a bad experience. Next time you see people not eating let em starve. Just kidding ~ well kinda. Allergies are one thing, preferences are another. Don't like it, don't complain.

ETA: read everything. People suck sometimes. Good for you for distancing yourself. Next time just vent here and leave it at that. Although if they were to ask why then you could tell. Being honest doesn't have to be mean, it can be a turning point in our exchanges with others.
post #59 of 89
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lalemma View Post
Do people not learn how to behave anymore? In what universe is poking around in a host's kitchen uninvited even remotely acceptable? I don't care what your special-snowflake food issues are - that's not okay. If your family only eats organic tofu made by the light of the full moon, fantastic, you still don't get to act like you grew up in a barn.

I would write this person off as a complete nutball and not trouble myself with it any further.

The highlighted made me laugh so hard. I love that. Thanks for the great comment and for a new phrase I'll be using.

While I don't agree with people who said I never should have said something to her, I do appreciate the comments. I personally prefer to have a conversation with someone rather than just write them off particularly if the offense wasn't on purpose. There have been instances when I have offended someone inadvertently and had they not shared their feelings with me and just wrote me off, me and said person may have both lost a good relationship. If I have offended someone by accident I personally want to know so I can be given the chance to apologize.

I think honesty is important but I don't think it's necessary to be rude. I also 100% stand by my email response to her and my decision to call her. To the poster who said my saying that is a reflection of me not having class, I say .

Lalemma, I totally agree about writing her off and I have.

I think it's funny that people are saying I escalated things by saying something. I think it's cowardly for people to distance themselves from a person and not have the guts to tell them why. I said how I feel. Why is it okay for people to be honest but I should stand around offended and not say why?

I said what I had to say.She said what she had to say. She's not someone I want in my life and she probably feels the same way about me. End of story. I've got "greasy" pizza to eat for Mother's Day.
post #60 of 89
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Happiestever View Post
I haven't read anything else but my first thought is that this person wouldn't eat greasy food but will load up on sugar? 3 bowls of ice cream are you kidding, and fruit leathers beforehand. WOW. Sorry you had a bad experience. Next time you see people not eating let em starve. Just kidding ~ well kinda. Allergies are one thing, preferences are another. Don't like it, don't complain.

ETA: read everything. People suck sometimes. Good for you for distancing yourself. Next time just vent here and leave it at that. Although if they were to ask why then you could tell. Being honest doesn't have to be mean, it can be a turning point in our exchanges with others.
Great post. Thank you!
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