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Bad etiquette or too sensitive? Party related - Page 4

post #61 of 89
Oh WOW that is BEYOND RUDE! No, I would NOT invite that person back. Not in a million years. I am the same as you, as long as it is not pork my kids can eat it, espeically at a party.

now myself, I would just eat a little of the food made available by the hosts of a party if it was not my first choice. (like, for example, I'm not big on hotdogs right now, a pregnant thing, so I might, if I wasn't "into" eating that that day just say 'oh I had lunch at home' and munch on some chips, fruit, crackers whatever else was available. And then without saying anything to YOU I'd probably go home and eat. because I wouldn't want you to feel bad about something that really isn't your problem.

if the kid was allergic to wheat or something I could see the icecream thing but to say the cake has too much sugar and then THREE BOWLS of expensive ice cream? no. NOT coming back to my house.
post #62 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandelionkid View Post
And why can't there be more honesty in North American culture? I would much rather know if I offended someone than wonder why someone was "distancing" themselves from me.
You're kidding, right? It seems like everything is cause for confrontation these days. I thought the guests behavior was appalling, and went way beyond a simple misunderstanding. And it would have been one thing had the OP said her feelings were hurt by x,y, or z and left it at that. But she didn't.

Quote:
ETA: read everything. People suck sometimes. Good for you for distancing yourself. Next time just vent here and leave it at that. Although if they were to ask why then you could tell. Being honest doesn't have to be mean, it can be a turning point in our exchanges with others.
post #63 of 89
I think she was rude too OP. There are plenty of times when we bring DS special food (organic and healthier than we know the options will be depending on where we go) but i would never do/say anything like that guest did. I just quietly give ds his snacks and that's it.

I do have a question though? What do you people have against pork

You can get organic pork you know

Just had to ask because like 3 ppl said their kid can eat anything but pork. I don't think of pork as being extremely unhealthy eaten in moderation of course.
post #64 of 89
"Do people not learn how to behave anymore? In what universe is poking around in a host's kitchen uninvited even remotely acceptable? I don't care what your special-snowflake food issues are - that's not okay. If your family only eats organic tofu made by the light of the full moon, fantastic, you still don't get to act like you grew up in a barn."

LOL

What really gets me is what this benighted woman is teaching her CHILD about food etiquette. She's teaching her child to criticize food served to him by others in a social context. I would seriously rather see my kids go hungry for a few hours than fail to reinforce basic human customs about social food consumption.

I think it's good that we've loosened up enough in the past couple of decades to allow a little snack in Mom's purse for the picky toddler. But it enrages me to see parents not move on from that when their kid is, you know, FIVE. That's the age for learning to deal discreetly with your special-snowflake issues, not for learning the extensive put-down vocabulary that Mom employs towards other people's party foods as she is scrounging through their cabinets.
post #65 of 89
Yep, it was rude (and odd).

I just don't believe how some people behave! I expect most people would never look through cupboards to help themselves to food unless the host specifically said so. I actually think I would have confronted the mother at this point - but then I can be argumentative!

And if I / my children were picky then I'd take something along with me, rather than be rude about the food available! (I agree - pizza is a great "most people like this, especially at parties food").
post #66 of 89
Wow,3 bowls of ice cream!

Her comments and actions were rude.I would not keep talking to her about it since you might see her in social circles,but I would never have her over again.
post #67 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by gbailey View Post
While I don't agree with people who said I never should have said something to her, I do appreciate the comments. I personally prefer to have a conversation with someone rather than just write them off particularly if the offense wasn't on purpose. There have been instances when I have offended someone inadvertently and had they not shared their feelings with me and just wrote me off, me and said person may have both lost a good relationship. If I have offended someone by accident I personally want to know so I can be given the chance to apologize.

...

I think it's funny that people are saying I escalated things by saying something. I think it's cowardly for people to distance themselves from a person and not have the guts to tell them why. I said how I feel. Why is it okay for people to be honest but I should stand around offended and not say why?
I think it depends on how you phrased things in your phone call. Your last sentence resonates with me -- it's similar to something I've voiced here many times -- I can't stand the idea that it's okay for rude people to behave rudely, but when we stand up for ourselves we're the ones "rocking the boat."

But I mostly say that about situations where, for example, a person is being encouraged by their family to not "upset" or "embarrass" an abusive person. For some reason I'm having trouble picturing a way to call someone who was rude about food-related stuff at a party and tell them they're no longer welcome in your home without putting them on the defensive.
post #68 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by hollytheteacher View Post
Just had to ask because like 3 ppl said their kid can eat anything but pork. I don't think of pork as being extremely unhealthy eaten in moderation of course.
I know several religions don't allow pork...
post #69 of 89
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by hollytheteacher View Post
I think she was rude too OP. There are plenty of times when we bring DS special food (organic and healthier than we know the options will be depending on where we go) but i would never do/say anything like that guest did. I just quietly give ds his snacks and that's it.

I do have a question though? What do you people have against pork

You can get organic pork you know

Just had to ask because like 3 ppl said their kid can eat anything but pork. I don't think of pork as being extremely unhealthy eaten in moderation of course.
LOL. I wasn't allowed to eat pork growing up per my mothers religion. I'm not religious but my mother shared with me lots of stories about pork and pigs and it's spoiled my appetite to the meat. DH grew up in a family who thinks a house without pork isn't a happy household but he gave it up when he made a decision to eat healthier years ago. It's funny because I keep finding info that supports pork may be healthier than red meat.
post #70 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by tommynomad View Post

I don't even mind that the woman didn't want any of the party food. But going through your kitchen? WTF?!? Her parting shot about greasy food was way over the line, too.

Good on you for phoning her and calling her on her rudeness, BTW. People need to know what boors they are.
Yep.
I would have just sat and been pissed- good for you for calling her to try to talk about it. Her response(s) allowed you to see she is just like that and now you can avoid her like the plague!
post #71 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by hollytheteacher View Post
I think she was rude too OP. There are plenty of times when we bring DS special food (organic and healthier than we know the options will be depending on where we go) but i would never do/say anything like that guest did. I just quietly give ds his snacks and that's it.

I do have a question though? What do you people have against pork

You can get organic pork you know

Just had to ask because like 3 ppl said their kid can eat anything but pork. I don't think of pork as being extremely unhealthy eaten in moderation of course.
I have a number of students who don't eat pork for religious reasons.
post #72 of 89
Bizzare. How do you even spell bizare?

I don't think that sort of person would be very high on my list of potential dinner guests. Or friends. Or family members, for that matter.

Seriously, asking for organic ice cream?! I would tell her to S&%K IT. Is that a UA violation?
post #73 of 89
I'd have probably held in a giggle, then held in the urge to cry, and then ultimately decided that she wasn't worth any of it.

Honestly, and I don't know a lot about this person given your fairly short description, but she sounds like someone who makes decisions not necessarily based on what she knows/believes to be best, but based on how it compares her favorably to "mainstream" society. She just wants to *sigh* and then go post on a NP internet forum about how "OMFG I WENT TO THIS PARTY AND YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT THEY EXPECTED ME TO FEED MY CHILD! WHO FEEDS CHILDREN PIZZA?! I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE UNEDUCATED BUFFOONS!"

Than again, I have a cousin like this, so I might be projecting. We make very similar parenting decisions, but for very different reasons. I get the distinct impression that she goes home from family events and sighs about what a bunch of mainstream buffoons we are, not because our parenting styles are all that different, but because she just needs to judge herself favorably, not just against her own standards, but against other people.
post #74 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by blizzard_babe View Post
I get the distinct impression that she goes home from family events and sighs about what a bunch of mainstream buffoons we are, not because our parenting styles are all that different, but because she just needs to judge herself favorably, not just against her own standards, but against other people.
Ha! I know what you mean.
post #75 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by lalemma View Post
Do people not learn how to behave anymore? In what universe is poking around in a host's kitchen uninvited even remotely acceptable? I don't care what your special-snowflake food issues are - that's not okay. If your family only eats organic tofu made by the light of the full moon, fantastic, you still don't get to act like you grew up in a barn.

I would write this person off as a complete nutball and not trouble myself with it any further.


OMG! This is absolutely the funniest post I have read in weeks. Do we have a MDC "funniest quote of the week" thread? Moderators? Can we do this?
post #76 of 89
I was raised veg*n so I always had the issue of not being able to eat at parties. I ate what I could and always knew to fill up either before if I was hungry or get something later if I wasn't. I was almost always offered food from the cabinets/fridge and occasionally I'd accept, but NEVER would I assume I had the right to go through them myself. Even when some people said to 'help yourself' I wouldn't - feels too weird rifling through other people's belongings.

What your guest did is thoughtless and yes rude, though I doubt she sees it that way. I'm glad you called and talked to her. Now you know what kind of person she really is.
post #77 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by gbailey View Post
I personally prefer to have a conversation with someone rather than just write them off particularly if the offense wasn't on purpose. There have been instances when I have offended someone inadvertently and had they not shared their feelings with me and just wrote me off, me and said person may have both lost a good relationship. If I have offended someone by accident I personally want to know so I can be given the chance to apologize.

I think it's cowardly for people to distance themselves from a person and not have the guts to tell them why. I said how I feel. Why is it okay for people to be honest but I should stand around offended and not say why?
I agree with this, I think there is always the chance someone has acted inappropriately inadvertently and it is good to be honest about how their behaviour made you feel and they get the chance to explain and/or apologize. But I tend to reserve that for friends whose companionship I value, so that I won't stew about something and we can keep being friends. Since you barely knew this woman, I would have just gone straight to "written off". I agree with the majority's sentiments that the OP went out of her way to be accomodating and this guest was rude. And seemingly contradictory in her food choices and rationales for them.
post #78 of 89
Yes, I think what she did was rude. At the same time, I wonder if she thought she was "helping" you by going into your cupboards. You seem to have offered a huge selection of foods for her child. (Add me to the list who wouldn't offer to make a grilled cheese or PB&J when I had food available.) Perhaps she thought you were bothered by her not eating (many hosts are) and that she would rummage to find something they'd eat. I still think that's rude, but perhaps it's where she was coming from.

Now, as for the after-the-fact chats, I think both of you were rude. You asked why she didn't eat, and she told you. I don't get the need to move beyond that. Don't ask if you don't want to know.

As I understand it, you didn't know her well. If someone invited me over for the first time and then called and said, "hey you were rude and offended me," I'd get defensive. Even if that person had a point, I'd still defend myself - vehemently if necessary. So I understand her being mean to you when you called her after the party to tell her you were mad. She did the same, right? She waited and then later emailed you to say she was mad. There's no difference in either of your behavior patterns after the day of the party.
post #79 of 89
very rude. we only eat organic/whole foods/no refined sugar but we always bring our own if we even think there might be an issue. We've brought our own pizza and ice cream for our family so she wouldn't feel left out and we wouldn't be a burden.

As for the organic ice cream vs. pizza, it may have been the rbgh issue. there would possibly be rbgh in the cheese of the pizza and genetically modified wheat in the crust. The sauce could have corn syrup in it. The ice cream would have been rbgh free and the sugar was most likely cane juice.

Still, she was rude and planning failure on her part should not have become a food emergency on your part.
post #80 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by hollytheteacher View Post
I think she was rude too OP. There are plenty of times when we bring DS special food (organic and healthier than we know the options will be depending on where we go) but i would never do/say anything like that guest did. I just quietly give ds his snacks and that's it.

I do have a question though? What do you people have against pork

You can get organic pork you know

Just had to ask because like 3 ppl said their kid can eat anything but pork. I don't think of pork as being extremely unhealthy eaten in moderation of course.
Pigs are smart like dogs. It makes me uncomfortable to eat them. Just my two cents b/c you asked.
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