Finding goals?

[cristeen]

For so many years my motivation and sole goal in life was a child. We spent years in ART and everything I did and ate and thought and just everything was about having a baby.

And now he's here and I find myself adrift.

I have no goals, nothing to aspire to, nothing to shoot for. I have no motivation. I SAH and most weeks I don't leave the house but once to do the grocery shopping. I don't even really have many friends.

I have the opportunity to go back to school - DH is willing to support me (in all ways) as I go back to school. But I can't figure out what path to pursue. There are literally a dozen or more colleges within 20 miles of our house, not to mention online classes, so why is this so difficult?

I'm really struggling at finding a direction in my life. I don't want to set the example for my child that the woman stays home and does nothing but take care of the children/home. That's so 1950s. And yet that's the rut I find myself in.

How can I find a goal? A path to pursue? Motivation? Right now I'm willing to try just about anything (although my time is limited to naps).

[Learning_Mum]

If you don't know what to study, maybe you should just start with some hobbies?

What do you enjoy? A drawing class? Photography class? Sewing class? Hula Hooping?! I find that once I find something I'm interested in things tend to flow from there and I will find other things that I enjoy. For example, right now I'm taking a belly dancing class, which I love! This has led me to (hopefully!) taking a yoga class that starts tomorrow, so I can build up my muscle control. From there I might try Pilates as well. Also, when you take a class you meet new people who don't necessarily have kids, which is really nice for a change too, as you spend your time talking about grown up things rather than kids all the time.

I'd say start small and then build up. Maybe once you get out a bit you'll meet someone or learn something and everything will click into place and you'll think "that's what I want to do with my life!" and then you'll have a new path to follow!

[brokenheart]

That's sort of where I find myself too....lack of goals, feeling adrift now that DD is in full time school. If I could do it all again and she was a wee babe, I think I'd really make an effort to enjoy those years more. I'd join some baby-mom groups, etc etc. But now...I have no clue what to do. lol

Just offering a different perspective.

[bananahands]

I think your mindset is very common among those of us who struggled with infertility. For so long there was something to focus on, to fight against, and then when it's gone there's a hole where the pregnancy ambition was and nothing to fill it. I'd recommend against jumping into school until you have a really clear idea what you're objective is, or at least until you feel driven by the need to learn about something that generates a little passion or curiosity. Do you read much? I'd suggest picking up loads of books from the library to just start exploring. The beauty of a child (well, one of many!) is that he's a perfect excuse to really think about what you want your family and life to look like, and to begin working toward that ideal. Try not to get caught up in stereotypes about motherhood -- they're often incomplete and prevent us from finding the elements of a lifestyle (like SAHMing) that might work for us if we also had something else simultaneously (like freelancing or a really great hobby). Do you have a bucket list? A list of things you've always wanted to do? These can be really, really small and still keep us motivated and forward-looking. (For example, I love to cook and made a goal of trying something new each week.) Or they can be bigger things we always thought we would try at some point. (I always wanted to learn how to sail so I joined a club and found an open spot on someone's crew.)

Don't be too hard on yourself. The transition through infertility can be really unsettling, but you'll get there eventually. Good luck.

[doubledutch]

i think trying some shorter-term commitments might be a good way to explore different avenues. community ed classes, volunteer work . . . and since there are so many college campuses in your surrounding area, why not visit one or two each week? just take some long walks with your babe, get to know the "feel" of these places, check out all the postings on all the bulletin boards for anything that strikes your fancy. you might find out about a play you'd like to see, a fitness class or art class you want to take, a student group, something that makes you feel like, "oh, i've found my people. this where i fit in."

i think this is less helpful, but you can google free aptitude tests, what should i be when i grow up, career placement, etc. oh and you may be able to do that for free through one of the colleges in your area by going to their career development office and saying that you're considering enrolling but don't know what you want to take.

oh, and i think this is absolutely fantastic:
http://www.franklincovey.com/msb/

[Magelet]

I agree with the pp's. Start reading about stuff, learning about stuff, give things a try. I decided one day a month or so ago, I wanted to learn to play flute again. the first website I found was about irish flute, and that sounded interesting so I started researching that. I looked up local sessions of irish musicians who I could go hear, and maybe play, and found that the starry plough has irish music and dancing on monday nights. I decided to give it a try, and I LOVE the dancing. I want to give the tin whistle and irish music a try, but right now, irish folk dancing has become a huge passion. I want to become really good at this, I want to have irish dancing at my wedding, I'm listening to irish music all the time... and it came my just sort of following what interested me.

Are there interests you had before having a baby became your misison in life? are there things you have thought in the past "oh, if I had time, I'd do/learn/study/etc that?"

[Galatea]

I didn't have infertility issues, but I never had any goals. For several years, I used the time to just learn about anything that remotely interested me. Community college is cheap and fun. Or just reading my way through a topic at the library - free and I learned a ton that I had always wanted to know about.

[seventy]

Check this out
Mondo Beyondo

I'm signed up for the next 5 week online class - it begins next week.
I'm so looking forward to it...

Maybe the course can help you dig deep to learn what your dreams.wishes.goals really are?


p.s.
I don't work for this class or anything like that... I've simply heard awesome things from others who have completed the class... and I am super excited to do it myself.

[cristeen]

Originally Posted by seventy

Check this out
Mondo Beyondo

I'm signed up for the next 5 week online class - it begins next week.
I'm so looking forward to it...

Maybe the course can help you dig deep to learn what your dreams.wishes.goals really are?

Thank you for sharing this. It definitely looks interesting. I'm going to try to convince DH.