Please pick apart my cosleeping options

[BeckC]

This might be long, but I need BTDT advice. I've asked here before, but I haven't gotten many responses. I'm a waffler and I need to just make a decision. I need help.

Here's our situation. We're adopting our first baby. We're required to have a crib, so we're getting one. (Ikea with Ikea mattress). I'm good with cosleeping in general, but the idea of a brand new baby in my arms in our bed with pillows and covers scares the life out of me. (And sorry, but I need pillows and covers lol). So I'd like something for the first couple months. Maybe it's just first time mom anxiety, but whatever it is, I need *something*.

We have a queen size bed. Two actually, one in the guest room. Sleeping separately is an absolute last resort. We really want our family bed to be a family bed. Plus, we will be moving soon to a place that may not have room for a second bed. Neither bed is remotely organicy. I love organic stuff. I would love for everything to be organic. But we have a budget. We're planning to forgo the organic crib mattress and use the money to fund an organic mattress pad and sheets for our bed.

So here are our options:

-Arms reach regular size cosleeper with or without organic mattress
-Arms reach mini cosleeper with or without organic mattress
-Skip cosleepers all together and get a Tres Tria/Humanity and deal with newborn baby in bed with me, scared to death and possibly kicking dh to the guest room. No one likes this idea.
-Get an in bed cosleeper with vinyl (I hate vinyl) for those first few weeks and possibly have to boot DH to the guest room. What to do after?
-Sidecar a crib with or without organic mattress and make DH break it down then put it back up, rearranging our room every time the sw comes to visit. I don't know if DH will go for this. I'm not thrilled with the idea.
-Buy a twin bed and put it next to the queen. Put DH in the twin and me and baby in the queen. Somehow make that look acceptable to SW. Ideas? Not sure if it will fit. Not really affordable if we got an organic one. And I don't know if DH would go for it.
-Buy a king bed with magic money that we don't have. Clearly not an option.

Is there something I'm not thinking of? Please don't tell me "Don't worry about organic stuff" because I do. And waiting until the baby comes and figuring it out then is not really an option. We need a plan. And we can be somewhat flexible when the baby gets here, but if we spend a lot of money on something, we can't afford to let that just go to waste.

[Emmery'sMom]

I know you want answers now, but the bottom line is that the best laid plans are often thrown out the window as soon as baby comes

One option I'm thinking might work for a few months and put you out the least amount of money is to find an arms reach co-sleeper on craigs list. That way you have somewhere to transfer baby to so s/he doesn't HAVE to bedshare with you if you aren't comfortable with it. Then you'll have a few months of baby being here, seeing what baby prefers and what you are comfortable with, before you shell out bigger bucks for a more permanent solution.

[Kiwiontheloose]

I would probably go for the arms reach co-sleeper and keep the crib in a separate room (or in your room if it will fit) for the benefit of the sw (also good for storing laundry...).
Or - put crib next to your bed (not sidecarred) and start baby out for the night in the crib, then when baby wakes bring in with you, perhaps in a moses basket?

Or - twin mattress on floor next to your bed for baby, then can lie down with bubs to get her settled then move up to queen with hubby once bubs asleep (and obviously keep crib up and ready for sw..)

[greeny]

Buy a twin bed and put it next to the queen. Put DH in the twin and me and baby in the queen. Somehow make that look acceptable to SW. Ideas? Not sure if it will fit. Not really affordable if we got an organic one. And I don't know if DH would go for it.

This is what we did (but not organic). It works well for us.

But I agree that it's SO hard to know what will work until you meet the individual babe. Each child is so different, and the same things don't always work with different kids.

Good luck!

[AutumnAir]

Can you get bedside cots there? I've been looking into them for the next LO when s/he comes along and they seem a good idea.

Basically a normal cot, but one side moves completely - either flipping up over the top and down the other side, or folding out and under the cot. It means that you can side-car the cot, but don't have to break the whole thing down/put it together again if you want a 'regular cot'.

I'm thinking it would be good for nap-times/getting babe used to not always sleeping right by me - for a gentle transition. But sounds like it would be ideal for your situation too. You'd have the cot required by the SW, wouldn't have to buy anything else, would be able to co-sleep with baby in their own space but right by you and you wouldn't have to spend more than a minute turning it back into a normal cot for SW visits.

Here's one of the ones I'm thinking about.

[BeckC]

Oh that would be perfect! But no, I don't believe you can get those in the US. Crappo. Now I'm going to throw a giant tantrum.

I do have a question about those though. I don't see how they attach to the bed. I would be worried that the mattresses would shift during the night and baby could fall in the crack. I know our mattress shifts around on our boxspring just from daily use.

[Kiwiontheloose]

Originally Posted by BeckC

Oh that would be perfect! But no, I don't believe you can get those in the US. Crappo. Now I'm going to throw a giant tantrum.

I do have a question about those though. I don't see how they attach to the bed. I would be worried that the mattresses would shift during the night and baby could fall in the crack. I know our mattress shifts around on our boxspring just from daily use.

We used a normal crib and took the side off, so not quite one of these, but pretty much the same. we used rope to lash it to our bed, then we moved house and in the new bedroom we didn't need to use robe because the crib was jammed between the wall and our bed so it wasn't going anywhere.

[mkksmom]

My vote is the co-sleeper. Even the crib right near your bed might work, close enough that you can reach over and put your hand on the LO.

[NEastMomma]

First of all, congratulations!

Get the normal sized arm's reach cosleeper w/ organic mattress and also keep your Ikea crib in another room.

Here's what I did: baby slept in the very old and old-fashioned basinette pushed right up against our bed for the first 5 months. It happened to be exactly same height as bed, so it was kinda like having a side car. Had I known about the arms reach cosleeper I woulda done that instead (and will get a used one for next baby). By 5 mos baby was busting out of the basinette and probably way past weight limit, but hey, he survived. I'm sure cosleeper could work the same.

At 5 mos we brought him into our queen sized bed w/ us and he sleeps in between hubby and me, with our pillows, blankets, etc. It WAS scary at first. Neither DH nor I got very good sleep for a couple of weeks, with me waking constantly to check and adjust blankets and all that. Hubby was frozen into one cramped position all night for fear of crusing baby. But eventually we relaxed into normalcy and now we sleep really well (except for nights when I wake to nurse 3million times, but that is for another post).

We also have a traditional nursery down the hall with a crib. While baby doesn't sleep in the crib at night, he sometimes naps there during the day and it is a great safe place to put him while I use the bathroom or answer the door. My crib happens to convert to a toddler bed, so I don't feel it was a totally wasted purchase.

It is SO HARD to make all these decisions and worry about doing right by this little person who'll rely on you for everything. And then you have to consider the SW on top. But you're doing a great job!

Good luck Mama!

[2cutiekitties]

We used a moses basket that we put in between us for the first month or two.

[RiverandJulie]

Mine is adopted too, and was a preemie so we brought him home at a mere 4.5 lbs. I was in the same situation, scared to have him in bed with us. I inherited mini-cosleeper and attached it to our queen bed. He slept there for about a week, but very quickly ended up comfortably and safely in our bed. We brought him home in January and it was cold in our room. We removed our down comforter and put some blankets on the bed. We each had one pillow, and extras near the bed for middle of night feedings. He would sleep in warm jammies and swaddled next to us, but not under the covers. He started out between us, and is now between me and cosleeper. The cosleeper is still next to the bed and is awesome storage for diapers, clothes, books, bottles, etc.
WHile the co-sleeper is nice for mom, for me (especially in the cold winter) I couldnt really reach all the way over and cuddle with him. Everyone is different, but you may gradually feel comfortable with him in your bed.
Good Luck and Congrats!

[dziwozony]

My previous arrangement was to attach a modified cot to the big bed, but that sounds really complicated if you have to take it apart everytime the social worker comes! If you want to hide the fact that you're co-sleeping, then just pushing a twin bed next to your big one sounds easiest. Then you can just scoot it against the wall & dress it up like a couch with pillows.

[chocolatefish]

http://www.mothercare.com/Mothercare...25041&mcb=core

The above is from mothercare in the UK - no idea if it's available in the US. it is what we have and sounds ideal for your situation. I used to put the side down each night and sidecar it, then put the side back up and wheel the cot across the room for naps during the day.

[JessieBird]

First choice to me would be to sidecar the crib. This doesn't require buying anything new. Though I'm not sure why you'd have to dismantle it every time the SW visits? Are you not allowed to have the crib in your room? If it's because of removing one side, I believe that certain types of drop and flip sides are available in the US, though they are more expensive than fixed side cribs.

Second choice would be the arm's reach, in either size. I think this is a great option and I only put it second because it requires you to buy something that you may hardly use. See if you can find one used or borrow one.

As for cosleeping in the same bed, don't let your fears get to you now. You'll know once you have baby in your arms. I was terrified of bedsharing with DS and DH just plain didn't want to so we had all sorts of elaborate options to consider. DS arrived earlier than expected and we still hadn't made a decision or purchase. Lo and behold, the moment he was first placed on my chest, DH and I both knew that close to us was where he was meant to be and I wasn't nervous at all any more. He slept in our bed for 16 mos and is now part time family bed, part time crib (DS prefers the crib but DH and I prefer to snuggle him, so we alternate. ).

Just one last thing on the organic aspect - if it is your and baby's safety that you are worried about, you can get a "mattress wrap" for both your mattress (even very old mattresses can off-gas) and the new crib mattress to restrict the off-gasssing. The other aspect of buying organic is the lessened impact on the environment during the harvesting (in the case of cotton/wool) and manufacturing process, which is something else entirely to think about. Beware the greenwashing out there too - many, many mattresses labled organic actually are only partly organic - for example, the cotton layer may be organic cotton, but the mattress is still wrapped in vinyl and probably still has layers of polyurethane and other nasties.

[rebeccalizzie]

We have the same situation (queen sized bed, no other bed for DH to sleep in plus I don't want to kick him out, and I don't want the baby in our bed because of our covers and pillows, plus I don't sleep well with baby in my bed)

Anyway, I have this http://www.babybunk.com/ with the organic mattress. They rent it out so you don't have to shell out a bunch of money at once, but I happened to find one at a consignment store. It's not very big, but it makes me feel better because it gives baby his own space. Changing table covers fit on the mattress, so I have a few of those instead of buying the expensive sheets. There are long extending bars that fit between your mattress and box springs, and that's what holds it to the bed.