If your first was the hard one - Page 2

[Norasmomma]

As a quote from a friend's grandma(who had 8 kids or something), "you get one bad one, then a good one", according to her that's the cycle. For us DD was a relatively easy newborn, I mean she only slept at most 5 hours in a stretch ever(gosh still, she's gonna be 4). The one thing she did do was take long naps during the day. Then she hit 8 months, had a nap strike, learned to crawl and cruise at 6.5 months, got 6 teeth and her sweet disposition was replaced with a obstinate, little ball of terror. From about a year to 2+ was just rough. I remember going to the farmer's market and seeing a little girl DD's age(18 months) who was walking with her mom, NOT running as was the case with DD I almost got one of the leash backpacks cause she'd just dart away.

Pregnancy with DS was hard with her chaos, I was emotional, we had some real sh** days together, but OMG she has become a wonderful girl in the age of 3. Many parents of *mellow* kids hate the age of 3(because the kid finally gets defiant), I've already BTDT. DD I guess just got much of the craziness out earlier.

DS is way mellower in many ways and in some not. DD allowed us to put her down, DS never. DD was harder with mobility, DS has made it easier(because we don't have to hold him so much). DS has ALWAYS STTN, wow! DD still won't DS is much more dramatic if he gets hurt though, DD is one tough cookie.

[Louisep]

Originally Posted by mizznicole

Do you ever feel envious of those parents with easy-going children? I feel like they have no idea what parenting is really like... That's just the jealousy talking.

Oh I totally hear ya! DH and I talk about it all the time. We also talk about how we wouldn't change DS, but...

Please post when you have your second. I am curious to hear your experience. I would say we have a medium HN kid and so we could definitely have a higher needs the second time around! I think the odds are in your favor since your first was very "HN".

[Louisep]

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

I am secretly smiling about it, because you know misery does love company, and can't help but thinking "NOW THEY KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH!!" It also makes me glad that my HN baby was my FIRST. Even if this next baby is as HN as DS was (who by the way is a much happier toddler) I know what to do to get through it and I won't be in shock like the other mamas I know. And I also know that they are babies for SUCH a short time and I will know that there IS an end in sight, whereas with DS I felt like the misery would never end. Now that I've been through it and come out the other side, I feel like I can do it again if I need to.

I love this thread, it's almost like a support group for HN toddlers! I would never wish a tough first year like I had on my friends, BUT I too would love for someone close to me to understand what it's like. If it weren't for MDC, I would have felt the loneliest mother in the world.

I like all these posts pointing out that even if the second is HN, it probably won't be as much of a shock as the first, since it's normal to us right?!

[AutumnAir]

A very timely thread for me!! I've literally been having nightmares lately that this LO will be as HN as DD was/is. (She's heaps better now at nearly 2.5, but still HN compared to other kids).

The first year of her life was absolutely horrible - I don't ever want to go through anything like that again, and can't even imagine how awful it would be with a baby as HN as DD was, and a HN toddler too!

So, fingers crossed that I'll follow the HN - easier baby pattern!

[welsh]

Originally Posted by mizznicole

But to give a more balanced view, DS is often the most charismatic and charming personality in the room. I'm often in awe of his smarts, his memory, and his sense of humor. I know that he's a very special person - it's getting all that passion into the right channels that's problematic at this point. I think his spiritedness could be a great asset to him in life.

We have the same Son!
DS is the most affectionate, chatty toddler I've met. He's mature beyond his 33 mths in many ways. BUT.....so intense!
He didn't sleep through the night until very recently and, while DH wanted a closer spacing, I knew that if had gotten pregnant any sooner than I did, I'd have been a horrible person to be around.
I really believe that many of the characteristics that annoy me about DS now, will stand him in great stead as an adult.

One piece of advice I'd give to parents of younger HN toddlers (or regular toddlers even!) is...if possible, don't force any major changes until they're ready.
Despite DS's crazy neediness, both weaning (26 mths) and potty learning (31 mths) were easy. He was ready for both and just needed very gentle guidance.
I was terrified of both of these milestones but they were a breeze compared to our day-to-day life!

[Starfish11]

DD is very high-spirited, high-needs.

When I was pregnant, we were super nervous at first about our baby being the same way. I started to stroke my tummy as much as possible and say things like: THIS baby is totally different; THIS baby is a unique soul; THIS baby will be calm and mellow, etc.

It helped my perspective big time.

Three weeks in and he has been totally different than DD in terms of his demands and HOW he demands. He's a snuggly little boo who didn't really even cry until two nights ago.

[justKate]

Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate

When she gets her need met, SHE STOPS CRYING. It's incredible. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, but so far, DS is stil high-needs DS and DD is just cool as a cucumber.

She stops crying?! Why? Is she okay? I wonder what that is like. When DD, now 15 mos., stops crying suddenly I still check to make sure that she's breathing. Because why else would she stop, you know?

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

I am in the same boat as you. DS was incredibly highneeds/refluxy/had allergies/never slept/fussy all the time, etc etc. and I'm 14 weeks pg with number 2.

LadyCatherine, Congrats! I didn't know you were pg. You've become something of a martyr to me as far as nighttime parenting goes.... I'm sending calming vibes your way for your new little one!

[PluggingAway]

DS#1 was a high needs infant/young toddler. I really didn't know any better until the Pediatrician mentioned that he may have reflux. I was like "what? don't babies cry?" and she was just like "well, no...not like this". He is now a sensitive, intense, empathetic, bright 4 year old. He's not difficult at all. He's my heart and soul.

DS#2 was an easy-going "normal" baby. I basked in the nirvana of our first months together. Everything about him is "easy" compared to DS#1. He's 17 months now and I can see that Ages 2 and 3 are probably going to be our more difficult years. I'm not as intensely, intimately attached to him because, he just didn't need me to be. He nursed to eat, not for comfort, he slept better with out me, etc. He's bright and funny and "steals the show" wherever we go. He has quite a temper.

DD#1 we shall see this Summer!

[lexmas]

DS is totally high needs. I often joke that "people don't have 6 DS's!" whenever I hear that people are having tons of kids close together. DD is very very mellow. She started off that way in utero...I had a high risk pregnancy with lots of non-stress tests and she failed every single one. She didn't kick, she just stretched. She's her own kind of trouble, walking at 10 months, and climbing up on things (chairs, the table...those kind of things!) now that she's 1! But she's much much easier than DS is, even now that he's almost 3.5. So yes, you can have an easy one second!

[lyra1977]

My DD is 19 months and on the high-needs end of normal (my nephew has given me perspective on this as he was as HN as they come). But it's interesting...we adopted DD and she is her birthmother's third baby but our first. I wonder if she would have been more mellow with her birthmother and is slightly HN because she's a first child for us? I've heard anecdotally that first kids tend to be more high-strung because they feel their parent's anxiety about all of the new challenges.

[LadyCatherine185]

Originally Posted by justKate

LadyCatherine, Congrats! I didn't know you were pg. You've become something of a martyr to me as far as nighttime parenting goes.... I'm sending calming vibes your way for your new little one!

Thanks!!

I don't know if you've seen my recent-ish update in the FBNP forum, but things are MUCH better with Liam's sleeping. We nightweaned and transitioned him to his own bed with Daddy taking care of wakeups.. He has only been waking 1-2 times a night! And last night HE SLEPT ALL NIGHT! first time ever.