if you were told this what would you do?

[pdamom]

i was told by a very good friend of my who worked with my child's teacher (a year ago).
i admit to wanting to say something to this teacher but also want to just get past this.

my child has developmental issues. my child was not a good fit in this teachers' class. it was loud, the boundries and rules and expectations were not clearly defined, neither were in class and take home assignments.

i volunteered in this person's class, removed my child when he was on overload, instructing him at home when it was all too much. i broke down test instructions so the teacher wouldn't have to. i attended field trips, ran extra help literacy groups as well as a social skills group for other children in the school.
ultimately we transferred to a different school district to obtain better services for my child.

i hear now that this teacher thought i coddled my child, that i had a self entitlemetn issues and that my kid was "emotionally stunted because i protected him from consequences."
i'm kindof stuck on the matter in the 7 years my child has been in school i NEVER went over a teacher's head regarding discipline or interactions with my child.
each year i did bring notes about the condition, the iep, and a list of suggestions that are helpful when breaking down social issues with him.

i won't paint my child as not being alot of work ,however i don't think we represented "entitled people" that comment really annoyed me

[doubledutch]

i would think "that's her problem" and forget about it. if you know that she is wrong, then there's really nothing to get defensive about it - and you aren't going to change her mind by confronting her. unless there is something else you want to get out of talking to her about it, like asking her to stop talking about you . . . but even that seems unlikely to pan out in your favor.

it's just her skewed perspective. she clearly doesn't really know you or your child, which is sad considering how much time she had to get to know you. her problem, though. it doesn't reflect on you.

[ssh]

Gossiping about you and your DC is unprofessional and probably illegal. The teacher is violating privacy laws. Even if some teachers seem to not like it all children are "entitled", legally, to the most appropriate education possible. You could report the breach of privacy, but you friend would have to be willing to repeat what she was told.

[windsorheightsmom]

I agree with doubledutch. This is not worth stewing over. She and your child weren't a good match, and she didn't understand the dynamic. You don't need a confrontation or apology from this person. I would just move on.

[pdamom]

i think i can be annoyed and let it go.
my child is not in this person's class anylonger
and i guess we can learn lessons from people we like
and others who don't like us.

[sapphire_chan]

Plus side, now if your child (or a friend's child) is in a classroom that seems like a bad fit, you know to insist on being moved to a classroom with a teacher who is respectful of every child's right to learn.

She went out of her way to make it difficult for your ds to learn and then got pissy about you stepping up to compensate for HER flaws.

If she had real concerns, she would've addressed them to you during ds's time in her classroom. Choosing to gossip about you after the fact means she doesn't have any real concerns.

I'd tell my 'friend' that I don't want to hear hurtful gossip about myself or my child.

[rainbringer]

It's a very common thing unfortunately for teachers to blame parents when a child is more difficult to deal with. I've seen this in the schools I've worked at, and now as a parent of a special needs child. I'm not sure if it's because of the added stress of dealing with the kid, or not wanting to feel like they are doing something wrong in their teaching approach or what. I would just recognize this is common and let it go

[pdamom]

thankyou ladies,
to the best of my ability i'm going to let it go .

however i'm slightly challenged in the "bigger person department"
so umm i will spare the confrontation, but think my internal "let it go and dont think of it tape" needs a little work

[Katwoman]

I'd honestly consider the source. I know it's hard to hear gossip/rudeness about yourself or your family. But the reality is, you made her job harder by asking her to do her job and it made her mad. That's very small of her. The fact that she did nothing while you were there is an indication of what kind of person she is, not you. (Not to mention the system she's in. Education is a calling. But a hard challenging one made more difficult by the system that runs it.)

Don't think of it so much as being the bigger person. Be grateful you don't have to deal with her any more. You can also feel a bit bad for her if you'd like, people are going to know what kind of person SHE is by what comes out of her mouth.