Hour long (+) tantrum?

[Mizelenius]

So, my 3 y.o. had a tantrum for over an hour today. She had woken up from a nap, and the screaming began. For over an hour. I believe children need to work things out in tantrums-- the adult needs to be there to support them-- but it went on and on. I tried being quiet with her (not telling her to be quiet-- just being quietly present with her), redirecting, leaving her alone, being with her, distracting, and I gave up after the hour. It got worse and worse. The only that that stopped her was being stern with her (raising my voice), which is completely contrary to everything I believe in. I apologized to her. I wish I could have thought of some other way!

Ideas for this in the future? Keep in mind, I have a baby who is with me almost constantly or SHE screams. I am sure that's part of the issue, but there is no getting around that.

I am usually OK with preventing tantrums with her, but not always . . .

[Llyra]

My DD1 was famous at three for her hours-long tantrums, too. It was exhausting, for us and for her, and for everybody else in her life. Honestly, I figured out that if I picked her up gently, and put her in her room, and left her alone, she settled down a lot quicker, and seemed to be happier afterwards, than if I tried to stay with her and support her. Me being there just seemed to make it worse. I think she's a very sensitive kid, and sometimes the world just overwhelms her, and her feelings just overwhelm her, and she needs to be alone to cry through it and pull herself together. The best thing I ever did for her was to learn to just leave her alone to work through it. She knew where I was-- I never told her she HAD to stay in her room, and I always stayed in an adjacent room-- and so I never felt like I was "isolating" her in a punitive way.

FWIW, she's five now, and she's still very high-strung and sensitive, but she's learning how to monitor her own state of mind-- she'll say things to me like, "mama, I feel all jiggled. (I think she means jittery.) I need some alone time," or "mama, please go upstairs and leave me to be alone. I need some peace and quiet." Her knowing this about herself-- that she has limited patience and a need to recoup her energy by being alone-- has helped her to learn to prevent her own tantrums. They still happen, but much less often than they did a few years ago.

[Katie T]

I have a 3 1/2 yo that is going threw this now, been going on for about a month. I have found out that leaving him on his own ends it quicker (if you can say that )

I will be watching this thread and seeing if I can figure out a way to get it under control before it gets that bad. I know one of DS triggers is being tired or hungry. I can always make sure he doesn't get really hungry but he fights naps so bad that after about a hr and a half I give up if he still isn't laying down calmly. He is in melt down by 3 everyday.

I can't make him sleep, he isn't the only child I have to deal with while he is trying to go down for nap, I have to lay with him, if I don't he just gets back up.

Ugh good luck to all of us. lol

[Mizelenius]

Llyra and Katie, I see the value in leaving some children alone for tantrums. For one of my children, this was a way of preventing them. We'd give her alone time (complete with books, a snack, etc.) and she loved it. She'd sometimes fall asleep (and being tired was a big factor).

Llyra, what a beautiful thing that you've helped your DD get to know herself so well. What a gift.

Katie, yes, prevention is key. This time (it was the worst it's been in a year) she had just woken up . . .at this age my children are always a mess after a nap so I try to avoid them, but that particular day I couldn't keep her from falling asleep.

This child is terrified when we leave her alone, esp. once the tantrum has begun.

You know, now that I think about it, maybe I should have tried the TV.