Crib sharing

[Julia'sMom]

Ok, wise mamas. Co-sleeping was a huge challenge for us, so we ended up putting the babies together in a crib. I never wanted to buy another crib, but is that feasible? How long did your babies share a crib? Did it seem to cause more wakings? Currently, they are 5 months adn just starting to scoot around and run into each other. They wake about every 2 hours to nurse. Sometimes the crying wakes the other, but usually not, unless it's time to nurse.

So...can I keep them in the crib until they're ready for a big-kid bed? Any ideas or suggestions would be appreciated!

Oh, the other option we're kicking around is for me to move to the guest room. There I could probably co-sleep with the babes and let dh and dd1 stay in our room. However, twins have already strained our marriage, so I don't want to damage the relationship further and I wonder if changing beds would do that.

TIA!

[RadTwins]

I have no practical experience with this one (yet), but it sounds like you'll need another crib. They do have mini-cribs, which cost less or you could try having one twin sleep in a pack n' play? Not sure. Or ask around in your community or resale shops to see if someone has a crib they would loan or give you or sell cheaply. Of course, do be careful about recalls and old cribs that might not be as safe.

As for the alternate idea of sleeping in separate beds, I wouldn't advise that for your marriage. Once you start that, when does it stop? One year, two, three? When children come into a marriage they become the focus, but it's also very important that the marriage stay strong. You need it, your husband needs it, and the kids need it. Divorce is a major life-changing experience with repercussions long into the future. I highly recommend the book "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce" by Judith Wallerstein, for insight into how it changes the lives of children.

You may be a long way from divorce right now, but you mentioned that the twins have already strained your marriage. So recognizing that and actively working to strengthen the marriage again at this point, rather than when it's too late, is a good idea.

[skybluepink02]

Mine stayed together until around 6 months. After that, they napped together, but slept at night separately. Or rather, my son refused to sleep with anyone remotely touching him and my daughter slept on and off with us or in her crib. We kind of had an open bed policy. If we could get them to sleep in their beds, we did. If they really needed mama that night, they slept with us. We rarely had both in our beds, but that's mostly because Ben wasn't big on sleeping with us.

As far as cribs, you can pick one up on craigslist cheap. Just check it against the recalled cribs list to make sure it's safe.

[CrunchyChristianMama]

I have a friend who has twins and they still share a crib at 22 months old. It's all they've ever known and seem to have just adapted. She often finds them snuggled up together or sleeping on one another.

[Llyra]

DH and I had separate beds for a few months, when the twins were about 6 to 10 months old-- he slept with DD2 and sometimes DD1, and I slept with DS, and I got up in the night and came and nursed DD2 when she woke, and then returned to bed with DS. Honestly, I think it strengthened our relationship rather than harmed it, because we both got more sleep once we split the twins up. They both slept longer and sounder without the other one around, and DH was not really having to wake very often at all, since my DDs were long, sound sleepers, and with everybody in the house getting more sleep, DH and I were more rested, and therefore more patient and less frazzled, so the time we DID spend together was better. We were able to enjoy each other much more once we weren't such a sleep-deprived disaster. The bickering and snappiness was much reduced, which was very good for our marriage.

So I would say that separate beds are not the end of the world, if it's for a limited time, and you and your partner are committed to working on the relationship at other times of the day.

FWIW, crib sharing would have been a train wreck for us even before the twins were mobile, so I can't imagine doing it much past four months or so. Mine couldn't even sleep in the same bed with an adult between them, let alone next to each other. Even halfway across the room from each other, DD2 woke DS up every single time she so much as sniffed. But DS was an unusually light sleeper, and still is, so who knows?

I think in your situation, if they're already happy in the crib, I would look into either a second crib, or a smaller portable crib like a pack-and-play for instance, if a second full crib isn't in the budget.

[MamaRabbit]

My twins will be 3 in July and still share a crib. Only reason they're still in the crib is because they haven't figured out how to escape yet LOL When they figure it out, I think they can share the bottom bunk of our toddler-size bunkbed until they're too big.

They still have plenty of room and sleep better together. I have found them in all kinds of crazy positions but they don't seem to care. Spooning one night, heads on opposite ends with feet in each other's faces the next night. I took this pic one morning a couple months ago because I just couldn't believe it!

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y22...9/DSC02511.jpg

[Shuli]

Ours were in the same crib until they were about 8 months old. One day I put them down for a nap (feet to feet) and then heard giggling. I found them on all fours facing each other and bumping heads and laughing hysterically. I borrowed a crib from a neighbour and the twin that moved around the most went into the bigger crib. Later when they kept each other awake, we moved one into the pack'n'play in the other room until all was sleeping then moved him back into his bed. We found that they didn't sleep well without the other, they would wake up looking for each other. I went in to check on them one night late and found them holding hands asleep through the bars in the crib. If I hadn't thought it would wake them up I would have taken a picture

My husband goes to sleep in the boys' beds to help them settle. Unless it is morning, there is a no child policy in our bed. Then we all land up snuggling together until it's time to get ready for the day as each of them wakes up and finds their way to our bed.

[OGirlieMama]

Mine shared until they were about 8 months old (5.5 adjusted, which I think is relevant here because in physical milestone terms, they were much more 5.5 than 8 months at that point). We separated them because they started rolling around and I got tired of being awakened by one baby screaming because the other one (sleeping) was kicking her in the head. They stayed in separate cribs until a little after age 2, when they refused to sleep in their cribs, so we gave them our queen bed and bought a king. As with all things child-related, your mileage may vary, but I'd be prepared for the possibility of needing another crib.

[Kat's Mommy]

...I'm taking notes...

The twins are almost 5 months, wake each other up (sometimes), and I am sleeping on a twin bed in the same room with them.

DH sleeps with DD1...

For my sanity, I need them together. Otherwise I think I'll go bonkers.

[Freeman]

Originally Posted by OGirlieMama

We separated them because they started rolling around and I got tired of being awakened by one baby screaming because the other one (sleeping) was kicking her in the head. . . . As with all things child-related, your mileage may vary, but I'd be prepared for the possibility of needing another crib.

This happened here at 3 months. They were both starting to scoot more around the crib, but one moreso than the other. The very mobile twin seemed to scoot all around and then deliberately stop to kick his sibling for a while ...Even before this, though, one was sleeping much better than the other during the day, so we had starting separating them for naps even before 3 months. They are in the same room still but in different cribs. I expected to be able to keep them in the same crib longer, but I couldn't let the one twin be a punching bag!

[Julia'sMom]

THanks for all the replies! I think we're going to play it by ear. Getting another crib is not a problem, it's more a space issue and I like the idea of keeping them together. We do strategically place them at night and it seems to help them not wake each other. I've noticed that the other twin doesn't really wake up when one cries, unless it's near their usual feeding time. So...we'll see how it goes as they get more mobile. I may be revisiting this thread again.

[ChaoticMum]

We seperated ours at 6mths for naps (to go it slowly) and 7mths for night time. But the cribs are right next to each other and they lay there 'talking' to each other. If the cribs are farther apart (we tried on opposite sides of room) they don't sleep well. We seperated them because Lane always rolled on Zachary and woke him up.

[ChaoticMum]

MamaRabbit - what an AWESOME pic!

[mama_tigress]

I love that photo, MamaRabbit!!

My guys didn't like sharing a crib from early on, unfortunately. I had always hoped they'd be long-term crib sharers, and then bed sharers. Now, at 2, I have one who would really love to sleep with his brother, but the brother says no way and refuses to lay down when they are together in a crib :-P It's funny because the one who doesn't want to sleep together is also the one who is more dependent on the other's presence while at preschool, or so the teachers say.

I think really the only advice I can give is to follow the babies' cues. You will probably be able to tell if they are willing to stay together or want to move. I had a hard time with it, since what they wanted wasn't what I wanted--I just considered it an early test of my parenting, following their needs rather than my ideals.