I am so crabby, I should be just crawling into a hole and waiting out the next few weeks. Instead, here goes:
My husband works 90 minutes from home. There is a position open less than 10 minutes from home that he is supposedly getting. But they're being SO DANG SLOW in officially putting him into it. They have to do transfers after pay periods, so since he didn't start today, it will be the 22nd...if they can get their stuff in line. He keeps hearing that they're working on it, but come ON! Really, it's not that tough.
And because he's still working so far away, if and when I call him and need help, he can't get home for 2+ hours. He has to finish up what he's working on and then drive home. If I end up going on bedrest and need him home to help with the kids, he will have to be on Leave of Absence and that will completely kill any chance that he has of getting closer to home. They will fill the position with someone else and that will be that.
The talk of bedrest is there because I have been miserable the last few days. I have had horrible contractions, not regular, but many times very painful. Any time I'm up and moving around, they get worse. I had some faint pink spotting last night a couple times when I wiped. The stress my kids are putting me through is contributing to this in a big way. I refuse to call my OB because I know she will tell me to go in to the hospital. And if they find anything, they will put me on bedrest. See above.
Kids. Argh. My 10 year old "darling" daughter has been impossible. She has been uncooperative and mouthy. She refuses to do any of her chores (cleaning her room, scooping the litter boxes, feeding the cats. I'm not talking scrubbing toilets here) and asks why I'm crabby? Why am I so crabby? Well, I have children who won't listen to a darn thing I say, cats that I am allergic to, a 90 pound puppy that doesn't get walked because if I do it, I just might drop a baby on the sidewalk, and a million household chores that haven't gotten done because I'm so busy running my children to their baseball practices 4 days a week!
Puppy. We have an 11 month old St. Bernard puppy that we got in February. dh promised me that he would be the one to walk her each and every day, rain or shine. She is misbehaving because she doesn't get enough exercise. So *I* get to deal with that during the day. Last night I asked him to walk her. "But it's raining." I shot him a death glare and said we talked about this. He just ignored me and didn't take her for a walk. Guess who destroyed a baseball and a few other things last night?
Cats. We have 3. I developed an allergy to them during this pregnancy. One of them (the one I'm now most allergic to) is our 10 year old cat who I adore. When we got the puppy, she started hiding in the basement but she comes out regularly when she doesn't get fed (again, see kids paragraph) and then I have itchy eyes, runny nose, and other fun things. We also have a little black cat who just turned a year that I can't stand. I'm also quite allergic to her and she's truly a pain in the butt. She likes to walk on my laptop. The third is the only long haired one. He will be a year old in a few weeks. I actually don't react to him too bad. Good thing, because he's always around. No real complaints about him. My whine today is mainly about the little black cat who dumped a cup of water on my bed this morning. grrrrr
I asked dh to stay home today so I could just rest and get the contractions under control without feeling like I was neglecting my children. He said he couldn't. He had to go to work this morning and is going to *try* to get out at lunch. Wait...he just texted me and asked if I NEED him home or if I will survive. I had also asked him to just take a day tomorrow. I said I would like to at least spend Mothers' Day not being miserable alone with the kids. Ds has a tball game and pictures tomorrow, so that means I get to drag the girls out, listen to dd1 gripe at me about something and try to chase dd2 around. This would be after a night of peeing every half hour (trying to stay hydrated to ward off the contractions and apparently my body doesn't expel fluids until I'm trying to sleep), wicked heartburn, not being able to get comfortable, then being awoken by the sounds of my older 2 trying to kill each other, whining about wanting to play the Wii, begging me to get up and make a huge breakfast (when I can't even stand looking at food, let alone actually cooking it), and refusing to get dressed in appropriate clothing. Somehow, I highly doubt he will actually call in tomorrow. We won't even mention all the days that he was supposed to be out at 4 or 5 and didn't get out until 6 or 7. Or that night he was scheduled until 10 and got out at 11:45, getting home after 1 and then turning around to go back in at 9 the next morning (leaving house at 7:30).
I just feel really alone right now. I know it's hormones, but I don't feel like I have anyone to really talk to. I can't talk to my mom because anything I tell her will automaticall be shared with everyone who will listen. And suddenly there's all the judgement on me as to why did I even get pregnant again when I can't handle what I have, no wonder I'm having contractions. Or maybe if I would lose weight and be more active, I wouldn't have these problems. And of course, if we hadn't gotten the dog, all of this would be better because I wouldn't have her to worry about. I'm not up to company, so I asked my cousin not to visit the other day. I still feel really bad about that. I don't have many friends IRL and I have a hard time reaching out to people and asking for help. I have a lot of online friends, but right now I feel like those closest to me are just kind of turning their backs on me. My knee-jerk reaction is to just turn away from them so that's what I'm doing.