Re-direction is not working. HELP!

[Louisep]

We've just hit the "terrible twos" at 15 months.

We basically let our son explore endlessly. There are very few things off limits. We have removed most things from our house that he cannot play with.

The problem we are having is when we're away from home, or when he wants to run the taps endlessly while sat up high in a sink. Example, we're currently on vacation and he wanted to sit in someone's golf cart. He screamed and screamed when I tried to stop him. In the end I just let him because the owner was not around and I figured it wasn't a big deal if s/he came along. But this is just one example of situations I'm finding ourselves in. My response is to get him interested in something else but it no longer works - with the golf cart example I tried food, drink, kittens, a shop, but no, he just wanted the cart.

I feel like we have set no limits whatsoever with him. Is that okay? He's too young to understand limits right? Or not? How do I deal with this when we're out and about?

[mamamillet]

Thats depends...on the limits that is. I think at 15 months they are capable of understanding limits...its the compliance part I think they have trouble with. My only advice is to be consistent. If you gave in on the cart thing after his protests he will learn that protesting egts what he wants. If you can deicide what you are ok with and not ok with the just stick by it.
I also have a 15mo right now. There are thngs that are not OK for her to do. She tries to do them anyway, we talk about why its not ok and then move onto to something else...she might be right back at it 2 minutes later...
This is a trying time but I think limits are important. Not everyone does though.

[prancie]

It sounds to me like your dc is tired or hungry at the points when you can't get her to move on from something. Teething could also be a factor. There is not a lot you can do discipline wise, it's more about management, patience and persevearence. As well as removing yourselves from the situation entirely if needed.

[Llyra]

I think it's important to realize, too, that they're often not going to like the limits you set, and they will scream. The screaming doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. It means they're frustrated. So you re-evaluate-- is the limit one that's important to you? Then stick to your guns, and ride out the screaming. Is the limit something less important?-- then maybe consider negotiating, or reconsidering. But I think that if you choose your "battles" carefully, and then consistently stick to your word when you say something isn't allowed, and enforce it consistently, and are sympathetic but unmoved when they scream, they learn that you mean what you say. Not overnight, though-- it takes years of consistency and patience before it "sticks." And even then they'll often drive you nuts complaining about the limits...

I totally remember when the "out of sight out of mind" phase ended with each of mine-- suddenly they're not so easily distracted anymore. They REMEMBER what they wanted, and darn it they're MAD when you try and move them to something else. I think it gets worse before it gets better, too-- it seems for us to peak at about three and a half years old.

18 months I think is about the age, roughly, when they do start really pushing the limits and protesting them. It really is okay to stick to what you've decided is allowed, even if the result is screaming. At that age, I'd pick the child up, or put the child in the stroller or a carrier, or nurse, or go sit in the car awhile if we were out somewhere, until the child had moved past the protesting and was ready to be agreeable about alternatives.

[Louisep]

Thanks, some wise and encouraging words. mamamillet -I do think we have to decide on what limits we want to be consistent on.

It is definitely coping with the redirection thing that's hard right now, since it's not working anymore! Llyra - you hit the nail on the head. He totally remembers what he wanted. It used to be so so easy to redirect.

prancie - very interesting. I think maybe he could be hungry. I get like that too Lately it has been really challenging to get him to eat enough. He has all his teeth (except 2 year molars) and has been sleeping well (finally!!).

Keep the suggestions coming!

[blackbird2]

Here's my two cents:
- try looking at it from his perspective
-he can probably understand things like "hot", "fragile", "not yours", etc BUT if it's right there in front of him I don't think at that age they have the skills yet to hold that prohibition in mind and turn away to find something else to do, or curb their desire
-if you have to say no, briefly explain why (even if he doesn't get it now, he will as he gets older)
- if he's frustrated, address the frustration and helping him cope. Children have to deal with a lot of frustration. Offer a hug. Be compassionate. and do your best to improve the environment by redirecting/physically moving away from whatever he can't have
- I think it's ok reconsider your "limits". that way you know you're saying no to the things that really matter, and when you change your mind you're showing how to listen to other people and make decisions

[LCBMAX]

I totally get your discomfort with golf-cart-type situations. I never feel secure in how much to defend other people's property from innocent toddler exploration. In that scenario, if I can't make myself feel ok about him crawling around the inside of a golf cart, I suggest we get down on the ground and check out the underside - exhaust pipe? tires? engine area?

It's kind of a hedged redirection. I will include the explanation that the inside is private and belongs to someone else, but hey, did you notice the funny headlights?

So when outright redirection fails me, I redirect to the perimeter of the coveted object.

Or, if possible, I say "The inside is someone else's private space - let's go ask them if it's ok to go inside, just like we always ask our friends if it's ok to use their toys. Maybe they will want to share with us. Let's go see." I'll ask the golfer in a way that makes it clear that we're fine with their answer either way. And when the golfer says "no" then I find my son is more able to hear that from a stranger than from mama.

Heck, I'll even say we should go ask the person who owns the cart even if I know we won't find them because it's 99% certain that the search itself will take us to the next fascinating thing.

[Louisep]

Some great suggestions, thanks.

I just want to say...I haven't taken my son on a golfing holiday Just in case you were wondering "how strange"! LOL. We're in Mexico and they rent out these golf carts to ride around the small town.

I wish I could remember all these suggestions in the moment you know? I tend to panic, need to work on that.