going from one to two with a big age gap

[mamaLHK]

so we're 99% sure we want to have another now that my ds is 6 1/2. i always wanted two, but he was a high needs baby/toddler/young child with lots of difficult issues that precluded us from having another up until now (without me losing my mind). during that time i went through lots of stages, such as being very happy with the idea of having an only, to more recently being really sad that he doesnt have a sibling, and a little bit sad that he will never have one close in age to him. so we're just about ready to start ttc. but sometimes i worry - will it be so hard for him to adjust to such a change now that he's 6 1/2, will it be so hard to have him and a much younger child (we homeschool at the moment), etc. etc. i have a friend who is now pregnant with her second, and she always says 'oh, it will be easy, you just put the new one on your back and do all the things that the older one needs', but i'm not so sure. on the positive side, i see how much love my ds can now give his younger cousins, something i never thought he would be able to do when he had his earlier issues. so i wanted to hear people's experience going from one to two when their first was an only for so long (and maybe when they had been thinking they themselves were more of an only-child type of parent). thanks!

[Lovenest]

Did I write this?? My son is 7.5 and we think we want to have another too. Same issues you had/have are the same reasons we have held off too. We also homeschool! If you end up going through with it, let me know how it goes!

[mamaLHK]

Funny! How close are you to deciding to go for it?

[MamaChicken]

Um, check my siggy for our spacing. DS1 was a wild ride. DD was completely planned, 8 years later. The twins were a huge surprise. I'm very happy was both types of spacing.

[FishBounce]

My boys are 9 and 7, and we're expecting #3 to arrive November. Honestly, I really couldn't do more than 2 closely spaced. My youngest son was seriously high needs. Still kinda is. But having this larger gap between my oldest 2 and my new baby is really ideal. Ds2 is more excited about being a big bro than anything.

[happysmileylady]

While we have a BIG age gap between 1 and 2, I don't know how helpful I can be in answering your questions. My first, Caiti, is 13 years older than #2, Raeanna. (the age gap was due to both Caiti being born when I was a single teen mom and secondar IF after Dh and I got married.)

For us it was starting ALL over again. A complete restart. An advantage was that I had forgotten what all that baby stuff, from labor to late nights to diapers, was all like. A disadvantage was that I forgot what all that stuff was like

As far as adjustments, well 13 year olds adjust a lot differently than 7 year olds, so it's hard to say. I will say that we have always made every effort to make Caiti feel included and still very important. One of us still goes to every single soccer game that we can possibly make, keeping the baby home only if it's raining or too cold. We have taken her out to dinner, just her. Help is expected, but especially as a teen, it's hard to ensure that we aren't taking advantage of the help too. She's able to take on a lot of responsibility, so it's easy to quickly forget that she doesn't NEED all that extra responsibility all the time.

I do however experience a LOT of guilt over her having been raised as an only for so long. Shortly after Raeanna was born, someone made the comment that as Rae was going into Kindergarten, Caiti would be graduating high school. It really drove home the fact that there's so much that they won't experience together. They won't experience waiting at the bus stop together, When Caiti gets married, Rae will probably not be old enough to be a "real" bridesmaid for her in the planning process, etc etc. I am working hard to move past the guilt, because it's not something that I can change. With your situation, as it stands now, 7 years isn't THAT much of a difference. It IS a big gap, but that's actually the age gap between my DH and I and as adults at least, it's not that big of a deal. I am pg again, and the age gap between Caiti and my youngest will be 15 years. And it makes me sad.

[zjande]

My first 2 were born 6.5 yrs apart. My 3rd baby came 7.5 yrs after that. And my last 3 have all been less than 2 yrs apart each, so I've experienced the gamut! I always wanted lots of kids but was never in the right life space/relationship for it to happen until the last 5 yrs. Plus my 1st baby came when I was only 16. But anyway...

My own personal experience has been very mixed... some of the good things were that being pregnant & post partum with an older child around was so much easier- I could take a nap whenever I wanted & my older child would be fine. The older child could hand me diapers, bring me a drink of water, & just be generally helpful & (usually) cheerful about it all because they were old enough to understand. I also got to take baths whenever I wanted to! I sure miss that. And also, my kids that are far apart in age never really competed for anything. They never, ever fought, didn't fight over toys or bedroom space or clothes or anything because they didn't share any of those things. They were always interested in completely different things so there was no reason to fight.

But, now that I've also had kids close together, I can say that I too feel some guilt as the above poster mentioned. My youngest kids play together all day long. They will always have each other to play board games & tag with & laugh in bed at night together. My oldest child is now nearly 19! She's out on her own & although she loves all her little brothers, I doubt she'll ever be very close to them because she is so much older than them. My daughter is farther apart in age from my last baby than I am from my mom!

But, I can also say that my kids with the large age gaps readily accepted their new siblings when they came. In fact I think there was barely an iota of jealousy which is a world of difference compared to how my 2 yr olds reacted to their new siblings! lol My older kids doted on their new baby siblings. It was super awesome.

I don't regret at all having my kids with the age spacings that I did, that's just the way my life worked out. It was definitely worth it, having those next babies even though I hadn't had one in many years!

Good luck with everything!