People scoffing at me for time-ins... vent

[rianalu]

Apparently, not doing time-outs or yelling makes me an idiot. Other moms scoff at me and make fun of me how that cannot possibly work. It's upsetting. I wasn't even telling anyone what to do, I just say what works for us (it was brought up in multiple conversations, when others ask hey my kid hit this stage, how do you deal?). Time outs apart from not being on my radar wouldn't work with my child who is super attached to me and can't stand not being in the same room as me...

How do you deal with stuff like this?

[Mizelenius]

Originally Posted by rianalu

Apparently, not doing time-outs or yelling makes me an idiot. Other moms scoff at me and make fun of me how that cannot possibly work. It's upsetting. I wasn't even telling anyone what to do, I just say what works for us (it was brought up in multiple conversations, when others ask hey my kid hit this stage, how do you deal?). Time outs apart from not being on my radar wouldn't work with my child who is super attached to me and can't stand not being in the same room as me...

How do you deal with stuff like this?

1. Say Pass the Bean Dip.
2. Read this to comfort yourself: Listening and Limits.
3. Find new friends who may disagree, but don't judge you.

[JessicaTX]

They ask what you would do, then tell you you're doing it wrong? That would annoy the piss out of me. I might feel the need to point that out in the conversation.

[ssh]

Originally Posted by JessicaTX

They ask what you would do, then tell you you're doing it wrong? That would annoy the piss out of me. I might feel the need to point that out in the conversation.

Tell them if they are going to ask what you do, don't be rude when you tell them. Using non punitive discipline may be harder work at first but having a co-operative instead of a adversarial relationship with your DC is much more peaceful and fun. Also kids who are punished seem to act out more as they become older toddlers and preschoolers. As all of your and the other moms kids get older and they can see the results of your discipline techniques they will stop scoffing.

[One_Girl]

My friend and I used to bounce ideas off of each other and discuss things, perhaps they are trying for a format like this but they aren't being clear about that. I found that I was happier to be friends once we got past the stage in our friendship where we talked mostly about parenting (since it was what we had in common right at first).

[NellieKatz]

I would ask them to define "work." Because that makes all the difference. What's their goal? You may find out that you're talking two different languages, for example, if you're thinking "working" means a good long-term relationship with your child and someone else's idea of a technique "working" means the kid obeys in the instance you are talking about.

[ssh]

It has helped when I've said that our main discipline goal is for our DD to be able to make good choices that keep her physically safe and socially successful. Obedience isn't one of our goals. Obedience is a lot different from following rules or trying to do what you know is the right thing. Rules help a person be socially successful and stay save.

[NellieKatz]

Oooh! "physically safe and socially successful" Very nice!

[SallyN]

I've been very fortunate to be able to surround myself with similar parenting philosophy and goals. That'd be my advice, but I realize not everyone has that kind of resource.
Sorry.