CLW vs MLW of 3 1/2 year old...I'm OVER it, she's not

[amandapearl]

Maya is 3 ½ and still nursing. I also have a nursing 6 month old. I have no problem with nursing an older child…in theory…but I find myself becoming really resentful towards her. She has always been much more attached to nursing than your average child, and I totally get that different children have different needs, but I’m just fried. The nursing….which is fairly freely given, is usually demanded with whining and tears….from the get-go….does not matter if I’m awake, asleep, cuddling with her on the couch…
She nurses more than my 6 month old. He’s just not too into it, has always been a “strictly food” nurser….and prefers to eat anyway, while she would spend (still) all day on the breast if allowed. My husband, who has always been supportive of nursing, suggests that maybe weaning her is in order…since a banshee mommy is worse than the weaning process…which will eventually end.
I’ve tried limitations….I've tried free access….she does not nurse at night, after she goes to sleep…though she asks several times, I just say no and stick her pacifier in her mouth and she drifts off again. I figure if I’ve given her this much, why not allow her to conclude the process (I’m sure she’ll want to move out one day, and then nursing will be logistically hard ) on the other hand, I do not like the mother I am lately, particularly towards her…very short fused and snappy and generally drained.
I’m looking for…coping suggestions, or weaning suggestions, or anything that might get us back in balance again.
Also, if I begin the weaning process, i'm looking for the actual "how-to" that might not involve a lot of trauma... I've suggested a bye-bye boobie party to her, which a friend of hers had, but she's not interested.

It's really important to me that we both end this (whenever that is) on a positive note.

[Baby_Cakes]

Well, she's a bit older than my DD (19 mo) but we've started MLW and it's going pretty well. She does get a little mad when she asks and I say no, but it's usually over in a second once I get her a sippy cup w/milk or a cracker or just play w/her (if she was craving mommy time). I've limited nursing to naptime and bedtime. I don't mind those times, and honestly, since eliminating all other nursing sessions, I find I'm not ready to eliminate ALL nursing. I thought I was done, but wanted to do things gently -- and I'm finding that I'm really glad I didn't do anything drastic (like suddenly wean) b/c I'm really loving how this is winding down.

All this to say you could just set some boundaries/limits and slowly see where that takes you. Maybe only let her have some after your DS has some. Since he seems to be setting a "better" pace for you, it might be a good compromise. Or see if you can just get it down to 2 or 3 nursings a day. That might save your sanity.

[amandapearl]

Thanks for the suggestions.
For further clarification... I've been setting limits for the last year +...particularly while i was pregnant. Some days she only nurses 1-3 times....usually because she spends the day with my mom or husband, or is just really busy. other days she nurses "just a sip" upwards of 10 times. i was doing nap times, but she would just tell me she was tired and then run away after nursing (she still naps). Also, any time i refuse, there is a major meltdown...except for the middle of the night for some reason, i think because she's really still asleep!

[D_McG]

I love nursing babies.. toddlers not so much. I weaned my son @ 22 mos (put us on a schedule and cut down one by one after that) and I started weaning my little girl at a year. She's 18 mos now and we only nurse at bed/naptime and overnight.

So for me being very deliberate and upbeat about the whole thing was key. I also feel in a way that my DS outgrew nursing before he realized. He wasn't sleeping well, he was v. clingy.. both of those dissipated once we weaned. Chances are if we'd kept nursing he would have been fine, too. But the whole relationship was just stopping us from moving forward. Again - it's not like there isn't a way around that if it's important to you. But it sounds like you're ready to stop. Which I 100% understand.

GL!

[kcparker]

What has worked well for us is to have "special nursing times" (on waking, on my return from work, before bed). Those are the only times we nurse unless he's sick or something. I've almost managed to extinguish the waking nurse - he forgets to ask if I am already out of bed and dressed. If he asks at other times, the answer is that it's not special nursing time, so he will have to wait.

I do a countdown when I am nearing my aggravation limit and tell him we have to be all done. He will fuss, but drop it pretty fast.

I will suggest substitutions - he told me the other day, "I'm hungry. I need to nurse." I told him that if he's hungry, he needs to eat food. I will ask sometimes if he is hungry or needs a cuddle or mama-time, and if I can meet the need some other way. Usually, he is cool with a book instead of nursing as long as I don't dwell on the nursing and whip a book into my hand and him onto my lap pretty fast.

An acquaintance of mine told me she and her 3+ year old daughter sat down and talked, and she told the daughter that her body felt like it was time to be done with nursing soon, and they would make a party to celebrate their nursing relationship, and the daughter could pick a special present to receive to mark the end of nursing. They talked about it for a few months, had the party, she got her present (she picked out a pretty bedspread), and it was okay. Now she's 6 and still talks about how much she liked nursing, and she will mention that she got the bedspread when she was all finished nursing, but her mom said it was a very gentle transition.