is anyone else out there having a truly crappy first mothers' day?

[tzs]

please tell me i'm not the only one.
i guess i saw it coming since DH did nothing for my birthday months ago but i thought maybe....

today was a big nothing. i got a brownie in bed, which i had made days before, and btw DH is an amazing cook and can whip anything up in minutes. nope, no breakfast, no lunch.

no gift, no family trip.

he did ask if "what i wanted to do," i told him i wanted to be surprised with something, to which he responded, "better call your boyfriend then." nice.

am i expecting too much? i hate these dammed loaded "special days."

[jess5377]

Awww, I'm sorry.

I've found it's easier to just spell out exactly what I want. The "surprise me" thing has never really worked for us either.

You still have time, tell him you want to go to a gym to just sit in the sauna for a while or finally go clothes shopping for yourself and by yourself or go for a hike or something. The day's not over yet. Hmm...I just realized all the things I want(ed) to do for mother's day don't involve my kid, hah.

[texaspeach]

I told dh what I would like so we were clear on things and there were no hurt feelings. it takes some of the fun out of it, but at least we're on the same page.

sorry today isn't going better for you

[staceychev]

My mom always told me that if you wanted something from a man, you had to spell it out for him. I've come to terms that I have two options: (a) tell DH exactly what I expect or (b) let go of my expectations for the day. Most of the time, I opt for (b) since it's just easier.

It is nice, though when your LO grows up enough to do things for you. DD1 drew a really cool portrait of me in Pre-K and made a card for me with my 8-year old sister. Then, she and DH did a dramatic rendition of Cinderella for me. Not exactly what I would have thought I'd want, but honestly it was pretty swell.

[4Blessings]

Men really can't read our minds. As pp stated, you need to tell him what you want him to do to make the day special for you.

[always hope]

Just so you know, mine was awful too. I am sick so not able to do anything special. Dh get me books on being eco-concious, which usually would be great but I asked him to get me something to show me I am precious to him. The books just felt like being given a mop. But I decided to tell him gently the truth and hopefully next weekend we are going to have my real mother's day. So if yours was not what you wanted, tell him what you want and tell him next weekend it is mother's day for real. I hope you feel treasured and loved by the end of it.

[JustSimplicity]

I didn't think I wanted anything special for Mother's Day. DH did "give" me some more cloth diapers - which I asked for but also bought myself - and he got up with the baby this morning so I could sleep in (not that I got to sleep in because DS was crying pretty much the whole time). I wasn't really expecting anything but now I'm kind of bummed that I didn't get treated any differently than a normal day. Also, the baby has been super fussy today so I just feel like I'm working just like every other day. Arg. I guess next time I'll know that I do want to be treated specially on this day and clarify it to DH. I'm sure he just thought I didn't want anything special just like I don't really care about Valentine's Day or our anniversary - though now I do care about V-Day since it's the little one's birthday.

[34me]

I have been a mom for a little over 16 years . My first one was not even mentioned. I just got a "you're not my mother". I went on to have two more kids with him anyway. This year I got French Toast in bed with strawberries and whipped cream a card a two knitting books. I never would have bought them myself but he really tried this year.

[maddymama]

My mother's day is interesting this year. My gift from DH was spending $250 on a plumber this afternoon to get a bottle of saline solution out of the toilet that got flushed last night. Long story, but if you planned it it probably wouldn't have gone down the toilet, but it was cosmically timed, dropped, and angled just right to go into the pipes.
Hugs.... I've learned I need to spell it out for DH if I want more than a hug and kiss in the am... including a link, with specifics written down on colors, etc. Men....... that's all I have to say.
Happy Mother's Day to you. I am positive that you are doing a wonderful job raising your LO in the best possible way. When your LO gets older, I'm positive he/she will give you the thanks that he/she can't really give to you now. Go take a bubble bath, drink a glass of wine, give yourself a facial, and take a moment to breathe, and think of the wonderfulness of you and your LO.
~maddymama

[lifeguard]

Last year was my first mother's day as a mother. It took us 6 years to conceive ds so I was pretty excited. Dh did NOTHING. No gift, no meal, no verbal "Happy Mother's Day".

He made up for it this year. Everyone who's found out has been shocked & scolded him for last year. So there is hope yet.

FWIW I refused to do anything for Father's Day last year. Maybe it's petty but I just didn't feel I could go out of my way to make a special day for him when he couldn't for me.

[BlueWolf]

My mothers day sucked... it was all based around DHs mother and grandmothers. I got nothing... he didn't even remember to wish me a happy mothers day. No card... no nothing.

I'll be treating myself with a mothers day pedicure. Who's with me?!

ETA

I told DH numerous times during the week that my first mothers day was very important to me. Didn't even make a blimp on his radar. Then he wanted to know why I was so down, and I had to explain to him why I was disappointed. Seriously? C'mon... He's like "Well, you're not my mother". I could have kicked him. Yeah! Well I birthed your daughter, you son of a jack.

[texmati]

the boyfriend comment is mean. ITA with blue wolf-- treat yourself to something nice!

[CherryBombMama]

i love your reaction, bluewolf my dh pretty much said the same thing

[tzs]

thanks guys.
yeah, the kicker was MIL calling all last night and today basically fishing for us (aka "me") to do something for her. i finally caved and we went over there. i figure "do unto others.." she doesn't have to have a crap day just b/c i did.

i'm taking the advice to heart and not expecting any more mind-reading and for the record i am going to have a mother's day "re-do" tomorrow. just me and the babe and we are going to go to the zoo for her first time. so there!

[Norasmomma]

My first Mother's day was crap I got nothing, which was odd since I had gotten a MD card from DH while pregnant. DH had to realize it was important to me, which he did.

Guys are clueless, they need thing spelled out for them.

My MD today, DH got up with the kids when DS woke all of us up at 5 am, he made me breakfast and dinner tonight, I also went grocery shopping ALONE. Makes me happy.

[boobs4milk]

my dh kept trying and not succeeding. oh well, i told him that on father's day, i was going to sleep in, let him do all the cooking/cleaning, and then go use the bathroom for an hour and leave no one else any hot water (all things he did this morning). we went to my dad/g'ma's for the afternoon and he made the burgers. big. whoop. i took care of the kids, made the salad and baked beans, cut the veggies, got the dessert ready (burned the effung cake, went to store and bought a new one), cleaned, nursed, cleaned some more, carried stuff in...then while i was nursing the baby, he proceeds to fix himself a plate after i asked him to fix me something! ugh. oh, and he forgot the baby food on the counter at home. yesterday we went to the zoo and i lugged the lo's around and made the food. he forgot the baby food.

so, yea...happy mothers day lol!

he bought me a book i had already read. wee.

[ledzepplon]

Originally Posted by Proud2BeAnAmerican

Men really can't read our minds. As pp stated, you need to tell him what you want him to do to make the day special for you.

For reals? You don't think men know that Mother's Day should mean a nice card, breakfast in bed, a little gift, or some other kind of special treatment? Especially given the "better ask your boyfriend" comment, he sounds like he was just being callous and selfish.

To the OP, sorry you had such a bummer day. I hope that you don't lose sight of your value as a mother, even if your dh doesn't give you the recognition you deserve.

[staceychev]

Originally Posted by ledzepplon

For reals? You don't think men know that Mother's Day should mean a nice card, breakfast in bed, a little gift, or some other kind of special treatment?

For reals. Not all men, but certainly mine. I also have come to not expect anything for birthdays or anniversary... when I get something it's a delightful surprise, but when I don't, well... I've gotten used to it. And, I've come to appreciate all the wonderful things he does do, like painting the front railing yesterday, vacuuming the house, cleaning the bathrooms. Come to think of it, maybe I did get a Mother's Day present after all!

But, he also wouldn't care if I didn't acknowledge Father's Day, or his birthday.

My dad, on the other hand, wouldn't forget Mother's Day. But, he'd also go BALLISTIC if we ignored Father's Day. (Or, god forbid, wrapped his birthday present, December 27th, in Christmas wrapping paper...)

[Norasmomma]

Originally Posted by staceychev

For reals. Not all men, but certainly mine. I also have come to not expect anything for birthdays or anniversary... when I get something it's a delightful surprise, but when I don't, well... I've gotten used to it. And, I've come to appreciate all the wonderful things he does do, like painting the front railing yesterday, vacuuming the house, cleaning the bathrooms. Come to think of it, maybe I did get a Mother's Day present after all!

But, he also wouldn't care if I didn't acknowledge Father's Day, or his birthday.

My dad, on the other hand, wouldn't forget Mother's Day. But, he'd also go BALLISTIC if we ignored Father's Day. (Or, god forbid, wrapped his birthday present, December 27th, in Christmas wrapping paper...)

Amen sista, my husband does sooooooo much for me every.single.day. that I can let it slide, but the first Mother's day was a pivotal moment in his cluelessness. As my DH stated, "Men don't take hints, you have to spell.it.out." So I do.

My Dad is the same way too, except his Bday is the day before Valentines, LOL.