Parents w/ADD- Support thread- 4!

[heidirk]

Well, here we go, a brand new thread.

Our last thread has outlived its usefullness due to being so very very long.
I thought we might actually do a roll call this time.

Here's me-

Heidi- ADD- on meds for depression and anxiety, but not ADD. My challenges are mainly connected to keeping house, and getting everyone where they need to go. On time does not exist in my world. There's lots more of us- post an introduction, and lmk if you'd like me to edit you into this post.

The main purpose of this thread is to share trials and ideas for dealing with parenting while dealing with ADD or ADHD. We discuss meds/no meds, vitamins, supplements, diet, lifestyle, books.....you get the general idea!

This is one thread where you don't really have to worry about typos or reading the whole thread, or crashing us w/aam stuff! We'd rather you just join us and start talking.

this is a support thread.

[joycenjackiesmom]

I hope this an ok thing to ask in your support thread. I'm wondering when/how you (any of you) determined you did have ADD/ADHD. I have been questioning if I have ADD lately. It seems that every year my life gets more and more difficult to manage and keep up with and looking back at the times I have been most able to manage I had someone else to help me organize myself and keep me on track. I have difficulty meeting deadlines--even remembering that I have something to do that has deadline is difficult. It is hard for me to finish things I start and have found myself with so many things going through my mind that I can't focus on anything. So while I know many of things are possible symptoms of ADD (I don't think the H would apply to me) but it seems that it would of been noticed earlier in my life---I'm 44. Anyone else discover they had ADD at a similar point in life? What suggestions can you offer as far as obtaining a diagnosis? Any other ideas that may help me feel a little more on top of my life? Thank you!

[damona]

hi, i'm damona. i'm 30. i've had ADD all my life, but i've never been medicated for it. my biggest challenges are organization and being a perfectionist. it probably sounds odd, but i cannot seem to get my house to stay clean, so i've kind of given up. i never know where to start, we have too much stuff, and i kinda just don't care anymore. i mean, i sweep and vacuum and do dishes (well, DH does!) and that, so it's not filthy, but there are stacks of books and piles of toys and... somebody out there has to understand!

i dropped out of high school in part b/c of the ADD. i just couldn't focus or stay interested, and, at the time, my parents were too wrapped up in their own problems to help me much. i got so tired of hearing the "we don't understand how you can fail ___, we know you're smart" line. so. very. tired. of. it.

i start projects constantly, promise too many people i'll do too many things (tho i'm getting better about that!), and being back online seems to have made it worse. i'll start a post, get sidetracked, and come back to it hours later.

i also have 4 sons, 3 of whom have ADHD and 2 of whom have aspergers or autism. it's like living in a small, disorganized, circus.

ETA: all of them have ADHD, only 3 are medicated. we can't medicate our 7yo b/c it has the reverse effect on his system.

[heidirk]

Hello! A lot of mommas I've talked to, irl- have only figured it out after having kids for a while! Some people can compensate very well- to a certain point.

If you have insurance- look at your behavioral Health options/coverage, and seek a diagnoses. What you describe is pretty typical, btw.

this is a perfect question for our crazy group. Anyway, If you took your post to a psychiatrist, they'd be able to help. Many of us here have your exact problems!!! We keep trying new things. Generally we'll have a pattern or rhythm for a while that works, but then it doesn't and we need to adjust it. We make lots of lists.

and welcome!!

Hi, Damona!! welcome!

Well, you're not the only Circus Master... Another classic frustrated perfectionist here, too. If it seems undo-able, I just... don't

My DS1 most likely has ADHD...I don't have the H either...although sometimes It seems like it'd be a help!

Both of you fit right in here!

oh, and here's a link to the previous thread.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...136600&page=15

[waiting2bemommy]

hi! I'm here, still, scatterbrained as ever but I have successfully done most of the housework this evening so .

I'm 22, 2 children (2.5 and a newborn) and have a SO who behaves like a child

Right now I'm taking prozac for depression, which is actually helping. It brought me from a total basket case to functioning decently. as in, I'm not flying off the handle with irritability, I'm not spending the entire day "winding myself up" or asleep or wishing I was asleep, I'm enjoying my kids (to a point, lol) and I have more patience. I'm also able to get 3 hot meals out every day and keep up decently with the housework. so, feeling better. There's still a long way to go for sure, but I do think the medicine is helping me start to feel more normal.

Anyone have any experience with the focus ADDult homeopathic drops? I want to try them but I'm nursing 3 week old dd so I'm a little hesitant.

[heidirk]

Hi there!

I thought homeopathics were generally safe during nursing? That's why I started taking homeopathic remedies, actually! I've never heard oof them, I'll have to google them.

[smeisnotapirate]

Hey!

I'm Sara, still undiagnosed ADD. Honestly, I'm sure I could get a diagnosis, but it probably wouldn't change anything for me.

Right now I'm the lifehack queen. I just had my DD (still feels weird writing DD ) 2.5 weeks ago, and am slowly adjusting to having 2. Funny enough, it hasn't yet been as rough as I'd thought it would be - Nomi is a very calm baby, and after my high-needs DS, she seems SO easy. Of course, DS is still driving me up the wall (he takes after his mother ), but I'm already used to doing that. Just getting sick of the double diaper changes.

Homeopathics are generally safe while nursing, except for things meant to detox. So you should be ok. You can do some Googling to make sure.

Remember that most women are ADHD - Inattentive, not ADHD - Hyperactive (the typical ADHD you hear about in kids). It manifests very differently in women and men.

[blizzard_babe]

Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate

Hey!

I'm Sara, still undiagnosed ADD. Honestly, I'm sure I could get a diagnosis, but it probably wouldn't change anything for me.

Uh, what she said. No really. I'm also Sara, also undiagnosed, could but have never bothered because then I'd just have a fancy acronym and some doctor's bills, nothing more .

I'm going to TRY to keep up with this thread now. Really, really try. Really really really really really. I need it. I need a support system right now .

And Sara... CONGRATS!

[smeisnotapirate]

THANK YOU!

And congrats to you too - when are you due again?

[blizzard_babe]

Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate

THANK YOU!

And congrats to you too - when are you due again?

October 20th. I get to stay at home this time; I'm living in a city with adequate medical facilities . No picking my nose in Anchorage for a month.

[smeisnotapirate]

Originally Posted by blizzard_babe

October 20th. I get to stay at home this time; I'm living in a city with adequate medical facilities . No picking my nose in Anchorage for a month.

Awesomeness! Having my VBAC at home was the coolest thing I have ever done. Seriously. I hope your homebirth is just as awesome.

So cool we'll have BOTH kids about the same age, too!

[blizzard_babe]

Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate

Awesomeness! Having my VBAC at home was the coolest thing I have ever done. Seriously. I hope your homebirth is just as awesome.

So cool we'll have BOTH kids about the same age, too!

Well, I'm not going to be having a HOMEbirth, I don't think (no midwives around here... there's a woman in training but she's not done yet); I just meant that I get to stay in my town until I give birth. A work friend is good friends with the midwife-in-training, and she works/worked at the hospital for a while, so we MIGHT have the option of doing a technically unassisted homebirth with the midwife trainee, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that. Otherwise, the midwife-in-training might be able to just get us set up with her in a room in the hospital. The hospital here is pretty great, though, as hospitals go (as far as childbirth goes... they're kinda sketchy otherwise). They have a 5% c-section rate and don't even have epidurals available outside of surgery. They kind of just set you up and expect you to do your thing until you ask for someone to catch . They check up on you in between, of course.

It's an interesting case because it's an IHS-funded (Indian Health Services) hospital, and like I said it has an iffy reputation otherwise, but everyone I've talked to says that they do two things really, really well: delivering babies and short-term emergency care before you can get a medevac flight to Anchorage.

[waiting2bemommy]

Originally Posted by blizzard_babe

They kind of just set you up and expect you to do your thing until you ask for someone to catch

Now THAT is my kind of hospital birth

ETA: I just noticed that this thread has already gone OT. I'm definitely in the right place

[smeisnotapirate]

*snort*

You are amongst the queens of off-topic!

I need a life change, and I think now is a good time. For both my DS and myself (and DD, but she won't care for a while), we need a schedule. We sort of wander through the day, and I think we'd get a lot more done with a loose schedule.

Anyone have tips/ideas that have worked?

[BetsyNY]

WOW, I'm so glad I saw this thread in the recent posts!

I am 36 (gulp, feels SO WEIRD to write that) mother of twin boys, one with autism and the other newly dx'd ADHD. All of the reading I've done since his dx makes me realize that I have it too--inattentive type. And I've already learned that that makes sense from this thread, so yippee!

I'm just starting to research treatment options, and I'm coming up kind of short. I see that fish oil is recommended, what else? I'm already on 150 mg of Zoloft for depression and I'd like to try alternative treatments first...I guess I'm nervous about some of the conventional medications for ADHD because some of them are known to *cause* depression, and that's the last thing I need.

[waiting2bemommy]

Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate

*snort*

You are amongst the queens of off-topic!

I need a life change, and I think now is a good time. For both my DS and myself (and DD, but she won't care for a while), we need a schedule. We sort of wander through the day, and I think we'd get a lot more done with a loose schedule.

Anyone have tips/ideas that have worked?

heh, well, I'm no supermomfor sure but I every morning I try to get dd down for a nap or if all else fails I put her in the bouncy seat and bounce it with my foot while ds and I do something together. We're sort of doing a loose preschool type thing because he is really into it...anyway our day is basically like
wake up
eat breakfast
get everybody dressed
nurse dd/put her down for a nap
do school with ds
snack time
ds plays starfall or watches nick jr on the computer while I either clean up or nurse the baby depending on whether she's up
we go outside for a bit, if the baby is sleep I play soccer with ds or sling the baby and we all go for a walk
we come in and eat lunch
ds takes a nap --if both kids are asleep this is when I clean house
ds wakes up and we have a snack
we either do something artsy/messy or ds plays outside by himself (I mean I watch him but I don't run around and stuff)
somewhere in there dinner happens
we go for a walk and ds rides his bike and we go to the park
bath time
story time, maybe a little more starfall if the baby is nursing again and then I put the kids to bed, dd first and then ds.

the only time frame we have right now is that I try to have everyone dressed by 10 AM (I know, that's late),ds naps around 12:30-2:30, and bath time is a 7 every night. both kids get a bath every night because it calms them both down wonderfully and anyway if they aren't both in the bath then somebody isn't getting watched.

[blizzard_babe]

My whole LIFE is off-topic .

[applecider]

I'm here. Another Sara!! I have undiagnosed ADD and just started meds for depression about a month ago. So far, not much has changed, but I guess I'm not at the total bottom anymore so that's an improvement. I'm looking for a loose schedule too for this summer as my older DS won't be in preschool anymore and I don't want our days to just be totally boring. I think a schedule definitely helps me with boredom too.

So lately what's been bugging me is that I can't seem to stop all these random thoughts going through my head constantly. It's SO annoying! It's like my mind is racing all the time. I was thinking about maybe learning more about meditation. I know whenever I try yoga it's ridiculous because my mind is just going a million miles a minute and they're like, having you do all these slow breathing and poses and I'm just like, come on already! But I think meditation would be good for me. So maybe I'll see if there is a class or something that I can take.

I'm realizing that I think I need to get a job or volunteer or something. I'm going nuts at home and I need to use my brain. DP is laid off right now so it is a good time for me to look for something.

I hope this an ok thing to ask in your support thread. I'm wondering when/how you (any of you) determined you did have ADD/ADHD. I have been questioning if I have ADD lately. It seems that every year my life gets more and more difficult to manage and keep up with and looking back at the times I have been most able to manage I had someone else to help me organize myself and keep me on track. I have difficulty meeting deadlines--even remembering that I have something to do that has deadline is difficult. It is hard for me to finish things I start and have found myself with so many things going through my mind that I can't focus on anything. So while I know many of things are possible symptoms of ADD (I don't think the H would apply to me) but it seems that it would of been noticed earlier in my life---I'm 44. Anyone else discover they had ADD at a similar point in life? What suggestions can you offer as far as obtaining a diagnosis? Any other ideas that may help me feel a little more on top of my life? Thank you!

For me, I read a book about ADD about 10 years ago and realized that it was describing me my whole life. Then 10 years went by and I had two kids and my life was just crazy chaos that I could not seem to manage even though there wasn't that much going on. I came back to the ADD idea and started reading more. Then I went to counseling where the counselor said I had ADD after asking me a few questions. So I'm not officially diagnosed but everything about it describes me. I think for me, what is helpful is knowing that my brain does not operate like others so theoretically I should not be so hard on myself. I'm still trying to figure that one out!

As for being more on top of life? I really have no idea. I don't do well when I don't have a lot of stuff going on, but then when I do I am really stressed. So I really need to find a balance and I have no idea how to do it. Sorry

Lately I've been spending MUCH less time online and really trying to be present in my own life. It is not easy because I am so unsatisfied with my own life right now, but I need to figure out how to be satisfied because my family is suffering.

waiting2bmommy - do you find it fairly easy to stick to your schedule? I really want to implement something like this and have it up on the wall so ds knows what comes next, but I find myself REALLY resisting it. I HATE to be scheduled, but on the other hand I do so much better when I have one. ARGH! What a catch 22 to be in.

Hope you're all doing well.

[smeisnotapirate]

Originally Posted by cody'smomma

I really want to implement something like this and have it up on the wall so ds knows what comes next, but I find myself REALLY resisting it. I HATE to be scheduled, but on the other hand I do so much better when I have one.

Me too!

And hi! You spell your name right, too.

waiting2bemommy, that sounds like a nice loose schedule. Maybe I'll have to find something like that.

[heidirk]

Hi Blizzard babe and BetsyNY!

Yeah off topic is ummm.... on topic for this thread!

IRT schedules- Waiting2bmommy- that's a good one!
Ours has gotten so messed up, it's unrecognizeable anymore. I am working on it, though.

I am struggling with what I have finally realizd is PMDD right now, on top of ADD, and everything else. Having a tough time.

I am doing better at at least trying to clean. My house is just chronically out of control, and I get hyperfocused on it, and tend to forget to take the kids anywhere. :smack But I need to try to make some habits around housecleaning so it gets easier...how long that'll take... ???

I am going to post a list in the Kitchen, Bathroom, and Laundry area of stuff that needs done. Like the bathroom list will be-

wipe out sink
pick up towels/washcloths
wipe down outside of toilet
stock toilet paper

So when I am in ther, if I have a minute, i can do 1 thing... we'll see how it goes.

Smee- I think if you started a schedule that hinged around when everyone needs to eat, you could fill in around it with activities...but it IS OK to just Live right now!

We start with bathroom/diaper
breakfast
momma's coffee time/kids movie time.

We are SO not morning people that it takes us over an hour after breakfast to be ready to do anything.