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Parents w/ADD- Support thread- 4! - Page 6

post #101 of 131

Still here.....ds just went through three weeks of diagnostic preschool evaluations...he was diagnosed with Asperger's, ADHD and sensory integration dysfunction, so........gee, I wonder where he got THAT from? Poor kid...


Then, right as preschool ended, I discovered that I was pregnant again. Which explains my weird crying spells, insane irritability and spaciness, overwhelming fatigue, and insatiable desire for bacon egg and cheeseburgers at 9 AM. lol.


I'm pretty sure something is up with DP.....maybe depression, or a physical issue....I made him a doctor's appt and hopefully we will get answers about why he is tired and having constant digestive/abdominal pain issues.


So right now I'm working part time as a server on weekends, actively looking for 1 or 2 kids to watch during the week to help out a little more with the bills, potty training dd (which is going quite well, thank goodness for the one person in the family who is just plain stinkin' normal!!!) trying to do some prehomeschool stuff with ds. I'm just taking it day by day. I've given up all hope on medication since it looks like I'll either be breastfeeding, pregnant or both for the rest of my natural life, at this rate. 


I can laugh at my airheaded ways but DP finds it really frustrating, which hurts my feelings, and then we fight. So.....idk what to do about that.


Tricia, I have a majorly messy car too!. And a messy purse. And a messy refrigerator, and closets, and.....yeah. Pretty much everything. I'm doing flylady still which helps but I still get distracted. 

post #102 of 131

SO glad to see this thread back alive!  


Tricia - you could've just described me to a "T," lol!  I've been self-diagnosed for years...I go through phases of wanting to get an oficial diagnosis but then I chicken out.


waiting - congrats on the new bundle of joy!  ((HUGS)) on your DS's diagnoses.  I know what you mean...I feel guilty every time I see quirks in my kids.  


We've been ok here.  Ups and downs.  I'm getting better at organization, decluttering, scheduling and cleaning.  Still not perfect, or even great or good....but I'm at a point where if someone were to show up I would only be slightly embarrassed most days, lol... instead of mortified.  


My oldest DS (about to turn 9!) is doing great in school.  He has matured a lot this year.  We've decided to also put the 6yo in school next year (he'll be in first grade).  I am just not up to homeschooling.  It was one of those tasks that i took on, telling myself I could do it all.  But i can't.  I suck at homeschooling, and I'm going to let someone else take on the task of educating my children.  It will take such a huge weight off my shoulders.  I'm worried about the 6yo...because he's really shy/has some pretty bad social anxiety...and I think he has SPD.  One of my biggest worries right now about sending him to school is that he will only wear crocs and flip flops but neither of those is allowed at the school....I need to get him seen by an OT but i keep procrastinating.  


My baby girl is going to be 2 in just a few months!  She's just so sweet, we all adore her.  The boys are great big brothers to her.  She talks like crazy.  Sometimes i wonder if there's something like hyperlexia for speech...her speech is THAT advanced.  


Dh and I had our 10 year anniversary this year...and we are really doing well.  I'm trying really hard on the whole communication thing, dh is very understanding about the fact that I simply can't do it face to face. So we have our most emotional disagreements via email or text.  eyesroll.gif  oh well at least I'm communicating right?  After 10 years of trying with little success I'm thinking I need to get help, lol.  But then I get nervous and embarrassed.  *sigh*


I started doing MOPS this year (a friend asked me to be on the steering committee) and i love it!  It is so helpful to me to have that time to relax with friends without trying to watch the kids at the same time.  It has helped me to actually start making some real friends too.  I never could click with any of the AP group moms I knew.  I still kinda don't know how to make friends...but luckily I've found some really outgoing ladies who keep calling and emailing me so I actually feel like they want to spend time with me and I'm not just being a nuisance when I call/email/text them.  Anyways this is getting to be a novel!  lol.  I'm happy this is back up and running, it's always nice to see that other people struggle with this stuff when I start feeling like a loser compared to all the people I see who seem to have everything together.  

post #103 of 131
Thread Starter 

:D  I am not used to having friends that are outgoing either!  It actaully gets a little overwhelming at times! :o


AGH, I am not used to animals in the house. I like them, but I'm not used to being in charge of keeping them out of trouble. We spent two days at my Aunts house. who incidentally has also never raised any tiny people.....


so 2 dogs plus a 5 and a 2.5 yo kids plus chocolate equals what???  CHAOS. even more so than usual.  It takes me FOREVER to adjust to a new rule/expectation.....  :(

so the dogs ate some chocolate because my short people are....  short. shrug

post #104 of 131

Wow, I wish I found this post a while ago. I always write posts in my head when I am stressed out. I have many things to say.


However right now I really need HELP on feeding my family (especially me and DD) I struggle with meal planning, cooking, DOING anything I have planned etc. I mean this is a serious issue that only other ADD moms can understand. There are days we barely eat at all because I can't manage, seriously! My DD is 2, by the way.


What can I do? HOW do I do it. You probably know that advice you get from magazines, other people just really isn't helpful. Yah, I know I should meal plan but how on earth do you do that?? It only occurred to me the other day I didn't need to plan 21 meals right away. Although I haven't used that info yet...


tell me how you manage, please

post #105 of 131

Heidi - my dog accidentally gets chocolate pretty often, thanks to the toddler.  shrug.gif   I bet that was a crazy stressful 2 days.  We once stayed with my in-laws for a couple weeks when they were trying to sell their house.  It was AWFUL because they had to keep it clean and ready to show at all times...that worked wonderfully with a toddler and a 4 year old.  I was so stressed.  And they had dogs, which I wasn't used to at the time...one of them chewed up a couple of our toys cuz i didn't realize dogs sometimes do that...  


Welcome kfillmore!  I so know what you mean about writing posts in your head!  lol.  I do that too, just to help me think through things.  Or with the intention of posting a reply to something...but then i never do because I forget or procrastinate or whatever.  


Eating regular meals is a big one!  I often miss meals by 2 or more hours because i just forget or lose track of time (it doesn't matter so much for me but i feel really guilty when I don't make the kids food until they're starving!).  We eat late a lot because i forget to take meat out or procrastinate on starting dinner or get sidetracked 80 times while cooking.  It usually takes me around 3 hours to cook dinner because of all the sidetracking!  


BUT I have always done meal planning, I just don't know any other way.  i've never understood how people can just buy stuff at the store and then come home and think of things to make with it, lol.  So anyways what i do - the day before grocery day I plan out our menu for the following week.  The "simpler" method that I've almost always done is to just plan 7 meals that sound good - trying to not make everything the same.  I usually do 1 fast food, 1 soup, 1 meatless/pork/seafood, 2 chicken and 2 ground meat/beef.  I have lists of all the meals we like to have inside clear plastic sleeves in a binder that I use to help me plan.  Then I make a list based on the ingredients I'll need for those meals, plus anything we're out of that we need for lunches, breakfasts, snacks, etc.  I'm trying to get to a point now where I plan the week of meals and designate which meal for which day.  It helps with time management, because we are so busy in the evenings and days that I have to know which days I need fast meals and which days I can cook something that takes longer.  It will also help me remember to take meat out if I can just look at the menu on the frig and KNOW what I'm making tomorrow instead of having to decide.  HTH!

post #106 of 131
Thread Starter 

Thanks Mamabohl.  shy.gif Its not that I have any bad wishes for her dogs but gees....



anybody else around?

post #107 of 131

I am 59 and have only now been diagnosed with ADD. I have had problems all my life that looked like depression, lately anxiety, restlessness, high stimulation needs, trouble focusing on things that didn't come easy or are pleasant, mostly organizing issues plus many things that always seemed like they could be something else. There wasn't adult or child ADHD when I was young. My husband started first thinking that it might be what I was challenged by but always I kinda just thought I could be better if only I did .... fill in the blanks. I think in my case the spectrum of my issues are on the low end that's why it wasn't as obvious as the black and white cases. I don't take meds for ADD at this junction I am taking L tyrosine and other supplements, plus getting help with organizing as well as reading upon the ailment. The diagnoses was made by a shrink who has it herself and doesn't treat with ritalin and all the other drugs anymore. She focuses on the natural methods for brain health. So far, many positive measurable results have taken place. A good diagnoses tool could come from Edward Hallowell and John Ratey web site that can be used without cost . Its a set of questions to ask yourself. Good luck to you

post #108 of 131

Grrr, double post.

Edited by journeymom - 5/19/11 at 10:15am
post #109 of 131

Hi All. It's been a very long time since I posted here. I think more than a year. Heidirk, thanks keeping this forum alive!  I'm curious to know how old it is, going back to the first thread.

Originally Posted by kfillmore View Post

Wow, I wish I found this post a while ago. I always write posts in my head when I am stressed out. I have many things to say.


However right now I really need HELP on feeding my family (especially me and DD) I struggle with meal planning, cooking, DOING anything I have planned etc. I mean this is a serious issue that only other ADD moms can understand. There are days we barely eat at all because I can't manage, seriously! My DD is 2, by the way.


What can I do? HOW do I do it. You probably know that advice you get from magazines, other people just really isn't helpful. Yah, I know I should meal plan but how on earth do you do that?? It only occurred to me the other day I didn't need to plan 21 meals right away. Although I haven't used that info yet...


tell me how you manage, please

I manage this better than I used to. I'll never master it.  If you're like me you will get better at this, simply with practice.   I had to become a better cook, for one thing.  My kids are 16 y.o. and 11 y.o., and I'm 43 y.o.  So that's 16 years practice at cooking for a family.  I make lots of mistakes, I waste food, but I've gotten much more efficient, much faster. More capable.


So, you are actually feeding your 2 y.o., right?  winky.gif  Are you eating out more than you'd like to?  Eating late?  Are you eating cold cereal at 8pm? No biggy, you'll get there.


Coming to the realization that you did, above, is a big help!  Don't feel like you have to do a huge shopping trip once a month, spend the weekend cooking and feeding the freezer.  Do that if it appeals to you, if you feel capable of it.  What helped me was to cut way back on expectations and ambitions, and to pat myself on the back when I managed, like, 2 days in a row of 'planned' dinners.


Get good at 3 or 4 simple dinner dishes.  Don't feel bad about repeating things for a while.  You have a partner at home? So there are basically 2 and a half of you eating at home.  Make enough of any dish for 4 or 6 people and you'll have left overs to eat for the rest of the week.  I know some people don't like eating anything leftover, but I think you have to get passed that. That gets expensive and wasteful, otherwise.


Things that I cook a lot of:


Pasta with meat sauce.

Chili- onions, ground meat, beans, chili 'seasoning'

Stew- I've gotten good at one, simple recipe- in winter

Chicken soup- same as the stew- good in winter

Big salads- hard boiled eggs and beans, cut-up veggies, cheese cubes


Any of the above can be served with a crusty bread from the grocery store, or dinner rolls or corn bread from a mix.  I got good at making cornbread and buttermilk biscuits from scratch, but it took 12 years. Any of the above can be served with prebagged salad. Or prebagged green veggie of your choice.  I've gotten fast at chopping up fresh broccoli, or green beans or asparagus, and cooking it in the microwave, serve with butter, salt and pepper and a squeeze of fresh lemon (we inherited a lemon tree when we moved here).  Or just raw cut-up veggies served with ranch dressing.


Have big sandwiches for dinner.


Have pancakes, bacon and fresh fruit for dinner.  Or eggs, toast and fruit. 


We have take-out pizza or delivered pizza about once a month but it used to be much more often. It is what it is.  Pizza makes leftovers for lunch the next day. Or breakfast. =)   


When I'm really ambitious and organized I cook a bunch of chicken pieces at once and we have baked chicken for a couple days in a row.  Once the chicken is baked it's easy enough to cook a box of rice mix, mac n cheese or whatnot, and a veggie.  


Near East brand couscous is miraculous. Boil the seasoning packet in water, dump the couscous in, turn the heat off and let it sit for 5 minutes. It's done!  A side dish done in less than 10 minutes!! My family loves it.


Stock up on frozen dinner that you like. Stock up on frozen pizzas. It's food! Yes, they're not as healthy as they should be. Yes, they're more expensive than making it from scratch.  But give yourself a break.  You're learning how to do stuff, and in the mean time your family needs to eat.


Edited to add a word about timing:  One thing that helped me was to severely anchor dinner time with dh getting home from work.  It helped that he gets home roughly the same time every night, at around 5 or 6. So an hour before I expect him home (or 30 minutes or 20 or 15 or 10 minutes) I get started on dinner (the stew I listed above needs to be started 3 hours ahead eyesroll.gif ).  In truth it's no biggy if we don't eat till later, but it really helps me to have this deadline cemented in my head.


Edited again because I didn't particularly address shopping ahead of time.  One reason we eat that particular chili dish a lot is because it's really easy to keep the ingredients on hand.  I use canned beans, none of this soaking dry beans for hours ahead of time.   Things that I always have on hand: Pasta and bottled spaghetti sauce.  Cans of beans (pinto, red kidney, black beans), canned chopped tomatoes, chicken and beef broth.  Chili powder, cumin powder and dry oregano.  Onions and garlic. Carrots, celery and potatoes.  Frozen chicken breasts and trays of ground meat: beef and turkey. Frozen mixed veggies, frozen peas, corn and green beans.  Sauteed onions, carrots and celery are the base for both the stew and the soup.  Add meat and broth of your choice.  Add canned beans to soup. Add frozen corn or peas.


I've gotten faster at peeling and chopping veggies, and you will too.  Carrots are wonderful, they come peeled.  I can get carrot and celery sticks prepacked at the grocery store, so all I have to do is chop them into bite-size pieces.  You can buy onions and garlic fresh and pre-chopped.

Edited by journeymom - 5/19/11 at 10:19am
post #110 of 131
Thread Starter 

JourneyMom!!!!  joy.gif


(I missed you... can you tell?  2whistle.gif )


yes kfillmore, cooking is hard. I'm an intuitive cooker, and I tend to get frustrated easily- who me??  snicker... anyhow, it is totally worth it to get good boxed or canned stuff from the organic aisle.  Or if its something you like to make a big pot of it and freeze half.

 Or cook a roast or a chicken and then eat meat/side/salad one day and meat and rice stirfry or meat and noodles the next. If its food and its not snickers and a coke, its good. thumbsup.gif


bltonne- welcome! wave.gif  We are as random as you get. There are also 3 previous threads- still can't believe that, but hey-  and we have discussed many many topics.

post #111 of 131
Originally Posted by heidirk View Post

If its food and its not snickers and a coke, its good.

I'm going to try and remember that!

Originally Posted by heidirk View Post

We are as random as you get.

Not surprising considering the type of thread it is!! lol.gif

I've been doing pretty well. Been exercising regularly, read a good self-help book (can't remember the name right now!) about changing your thought patterns. Got outside yesterday and got some vit D so that makes me feel joy.gif. I think I'm also feeling good cause my youngest is almost 2.5 and I feel like I'm finally out of that baby phase and I can kind of breathe now. Granted, the toddler stage is annoying, but at least I can turn my back for a second! Also, we just finished (well not finished, but at least it's functional!) a kitchen remodel so it is now beautiful and WAY more functional than it was. I'm very happy about it. Now I can get back into the swing of cooking healthy meals with a new kitchen to inspire me. I was way falling off the wagon there, pizza out craziness. eat.gif Not having a kitchen and all that chaos was...interesting. I mean we just jumped right in (diy) one day and so life was CRAZY for a bit, which I tend to thrive on crazy, but I'm happy it's not anymore. I was feeling like maybe I was going to be depressed afterwards because then I would have nothing to intensely focus on, but I'm starting to realize that I really need to just have some goals or projects on a regular basis or I will go nuts. It's hard to find a happy medium between not being too busy and being busy enough. Not sure I'll ever get there!

Mamabohl - I do that with so many things, losing track of time. For instance right now I should be upstairs in bed reading to the kids....where am I? I just put a coat of wax on my new butcherblock counters while they play a computer game and eat a very late dinner. And now I'm here eyesroll.gif

Ok...off to beddybye!!
post #112 of 131

Heidirk, LOL! joy.gif


post #113 of 131

I've just been diagnosed with ADD at 28 - after 10+ years of misdiagnosis as depression, anxiety, bi-polar etc. finally all of my struggles make sense to me. I've been in and out of therapy for years and on an off medications that helped temporarily - I don't doubt that i was actually suffering from depression and/or anxiety at different points, but the real problem was my chronic disorganization, forgetfulness and in ability to manage daily life that lead me to feel so depressed, hopeless and overwhelmed all the time. I'm still in the early stages of making sense of the whole diagnosis - but sometimes i feel relief that there is a reason and i'm not just stupid or crazy, other times i want to cry because i fear that my son will struggle too.


I'm a special education teacher, who thought she knew alot about add/adhd. Ugh! My own add/adhd wasn't caught when i was in school because i was smart and was a good student - i was quiet, got good grades and got by because i was very intelligent, but most of the time i daydreamed my school day away. I was shy, only had a few close friends and didn't do well in large groups. my room was a total mess, and i couldn't compete the simplest task to completion. I made it through two B.S. degrees and a M.Ed. with flying colors - but geez, it was painful on my end. I procrastinated constantly, barely got things done and often forgot to turn things in. I always manged to come up with a great excuse so no one suspected the trouble that I was having :(


Now i've got a 6 month old son, and i'm feeling crazy overwhelmed with life. my house is a mess, my husband is grumpy because of the mess, i feel defective and crazy... blah blah blah. I went to therapy for what i thought was PPD and got diagnosed with ADD instead. Makes  sense to me now. Trying to figure out how to make my life work for me now. Reading some books, trying to develop a routine (for my sake and my DS) and trying to find ways to get it all done.


Glad i found this thread


post #114 of 131


I can relate in a lot of ways. ((hugs)) 
Right now it is the lack of structure and time that became overwhelming after becoming a mom.  It's hard to be back at my 'old normal' where I was at least managing, at my own discomfort and overwhelm.  I'm not on much at MDC, way too much to keep up with online and I tend to get hyper-focused on the wrong things.


Thanks for sharing,


post #115 of 131

Hi!  Subbing to this thread because I recently received an "informal diagnosis" of ADD from a mental health care provider who I went to see because of issues with my temper.  We didn't do the official test so I could get meds but she said that based on my descriptions of my schoolwork and well... everything in my life, I almost certainly have ADD.  I was really surprised!  I really just thought I was lazy!  Anyhow, right now I'm not seeking medication... just happy to just contextualize my experiences and work on my organizational strategies without beating myself up for laziness..... :)


I made it through two B.S. degrees and a M.Ed. with flying colors - but geez, it was painful on my end. I procrastinated constantly, barely got things done and often forgot to turn things in. I always manged to come up with a great excuse so no one suspected the trouble that I was having :(


Erin, I can also relate! I have an MA that I always say I made through with blood, sweat and tears... as well as alot self-loathing and near suicidal depression at times.  I remember reaching out for help a few times but people would brush me off because they said I was "smart and would be fine." I'm finally at peace with my vision of myself and right now I feel that perhaps abstract oriented "intellectual" work with lots of deadlines is just not for me.  Instead I have a very part time job in agriculture and the rest of the time i am a sahm.... :)


Anyhow, my DD is now a little over 2 yo and I am the most organized I have ever been in my life.  So I think some of it really comes with time.  6mo is still very early!  Heck, 2y is too, but things have really gotten under control for me in the last 18mo... at 6mo if the baby and I were alive at the end of the day, we were all really happy.  We lived in total chaos because dp worked alot and neither of us had energy to clean at the end of the day.   Or do anything else.  I was working from home for about a year but it got too stressful for me...


Anyhow, I've been doing a lot of reading about Waldorf education and I don't know yet how I really feel about the spiritual stuff, but ideas like simplicity in the environment and daily rhythm have been very helpful for me in establishing a new normal that is healthy and happy for my family.  I've found some really helpful stuff in Simplicity Parenting and You are your child's first teacher.  Decluttering has been major for me because I understand now that I need a visually organized environment in order to not feel stressed and overwhelmed.  Also, I have worked on simplifying my commitments, my priorities, and my activities in order to focus on one thing at a time.  And I have come to accept certain things about myself... like that if I want a certain result I might have to come to it differently than the next person.  Or that sometimes the strife of trying to be a certain way that I am not is actually a hindrance to the results I would like to see in my life. 


Anyhow I am looking forward to following this thread!


edit:  I would LOVE to hear tips on how to avoid spending too much time on the internet.  I find that after DD goes to bed, I spend way too much time on the internet.  I would like to spend less but I find myself constantly turning hte computer off, and then back on again.  Argh!

Edited by cyclamen - 7/10/11 at 7:34pm
post #116 of 131


I really just thought I was lazy!


Cyclamen, the perfect book for you,  You Mean I'm not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?  orngbiggrin.gif




edit:  I would LOVE to hear tips on how to avoid spending too much time on the internet.


Ugh.  I think this is a really common issue.   Here's my own perspective and my own take.  For me, I spend too much time on the net for a couple of reason: boredom and avoidance.  I'll conquer my addiction to the net when I make a commitment to being present in my real life. 


Specifically I need to not sit down to the computer first thing in the morning at all.  For years (literally, years) I've been telling myself that I'll give myself 1 hour in the morning to check email, Facebook and my two forums that I frequent.  And inevitably I spend much more than an hour.   So I think it would be best if I just didn't get on the net at all.  But then I'd have to face various issues that I can put out of my mind when I'm zoned out on the net.


The comparisons to major addictions are inescapable to me.  Alcoholics make progress when they realize they can't drink at all, even socially.  Realistically I can't get on the net, even for a few minutes.  It plugs into a part of my brain like nothing else.


The solution is simple.  Not easy, but definitely simple. 



Edited by journeymom - 7/11/11 at 5:24pm
post #117 of 131
SO common. In fact, I've been on the computer a BUNCH lately, yes it's escapism at it's finest. I want to ignore the problems in my real life so I come here. I was actually coming to this thread to post a picture...this is so timely...500

HAHA!!! It's a screenshot of what my computer looks like on any given day. See how many tabs I have open?? This is a particularly bad day, but some of those same tabs have been open for months. Things I want to listen to, remember to do, tell someone about, etc. My sister asked why I didn't just bookmark them all, but I told that that it was because then I won't see them! I have tons of bookmarks, but out of sight out of mind.

I could definitely use an internet break but then I fear that I may really lose my mind. Or maybe it's already gone.
post #118 of 131

journeymom - thank you for the book recommendation!


and re; internet - I do best when I don't have it at home, and have to go to the library where there is a time limit.  And when I have lived alone I have chosen not to have internet.  But it is a must have for my DP and he does not see a problem with me spending hours on the internet.  Maybe I'll get rid of my computer.  :)  Or go on an internet fast.  It's just so tempting when the computer is sitting right there so yes I think the addiction metaphor is rather apt.  Anyone have any ideas for when just unsubscribing from internet is not an option?


applecider: my screen looks like that alot too.

post #119 of 131

applecider - my computer looks like that all the time and I almost always have 5 or more programs running - need a supercomputer just to handle all the things i try to do at the same time.


i'm still in this place where i'm realizing that my habits and ways of doing things aren't at all normal. I thought that everyone surfed the internet like i did (with 20+ tabs open)... everyone leaves their laundry on the couch for weeks (except my husband), everyone lets dishes pile up because there's way more interesting things to do besides wash dishes. ugh!


I had a conversation with my mom yesterday about this new diagnosis and wanted to get her thoughts on things. When we started talking, she was like "wow I don't know why i never thought of this before!" and now she thinks that she and my sister both might have struggles related to ADHD.

post #120 of 131

Yes, some wise soul, who I should go back and thank, mentioned ADD when I asked or vented about something.  I thought that was unlikely.  A while later I ran across an article about adult women with ADD and thought, hmmmm, that sounds exactly like............ my MOM.  And so then it made more sense to me and I then got officially 'diagnosed'.

There's a lot of things that I learned/observed that contribute to my disorder.


Also, in the ADD 'world' we are all quite different.  My mom is more OCD about things, I'm more haphazard.  I cannot STAND to take a long time doing things, I just want to get them done (once I start). She's very meticulous and orderly and complete for many things- has to do them from start to finish in her order.  


I wonder how much is learned and how much is genetic (I'm sure its a bit of a combo).



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