First, a big
. You're not a failure, and clean house or not, both your DH and your kids are better off because YOU ARE THEIRS.
Second, *kicks you in the butt*
. Take those meds, gal! I recognize that feeling - when you're reaching for the bottle and say "ah, who the heck cares" and you walk away without taking them. Force yourself to. Email yourself reminders and JUST.DO.IT. You need to give yourself the help you need.
Third, yes, women have been doing this stuff for thousands of years, but we were not met with societal (and familial) pressure to find work outside the home, we were not expected to do it all alone without other women nearby to lean on, and we certainly weren't expected to do it all alone in our houses with our kids, also keeping THEM entertained. Women of the past had closer families, multigenerational housing, and older children and siblings to help. They didn't have to work. They didn't have the additional guilt of the SAHM in this society that they're "not doing anything productive." (
) They didn't have to battle with technology, and they didn't have to have so little time to themselves.
Women today are in a tough place. We are expected to work AND raise our kids AND do it while keeping a house clean AND a family well-fed AND look good AND please our husbands. Feminism hasn't come as far as most people think, and I think lots of it has been piling MORE responsibility and pressure onto women instead of balancing the scales. Nobody can do all of that, and anyone who looks like they're doing it is FAKING IT.
So there. That's my vent. I hope you feel better. Take those meds.