Parents w/ADD- Support thread- 4! - Page 5

[heidirk]

Oh no!

That's a terrible thing to lose! they're so nice.

[junipermuse]

Hi everyone. I haven't read this whole thread (I started at the end and am reading backwards), but I wanted to say "hello" and introduce myself.

I'm Jennifer and I was dx'd with ADHD as an adult in my mid-twenties (I'm just 30 now). I was on meds until I got pregnant with dd (now 3.5) and I'm starting to feel like I'd like to go back on medication again. I am however still nursing my ds (1yo) but he doesn't nurse a lot, so I probably need to talk to our doctor about it. Last year I was going to therapy for what felt like depression (never an official diagnosis) and also to help with the ADHD but I didn't feel like it was helping so I stopped going. I'd like to try going back again. I have no doubt that the ADHD is real, but I also feel like there is other stuff going on as well. I've been researching SPD because I think its an issue for my dd and I'm starting to see a lot of myself in those descriptions, so I'm beginning to wonder if that's an issue for me as well. Things like being very clumsy, difficulty modulating the volume of my voice, very jumpy in response to noises and some other stimuli. Finding noises and smells very distracting. I can't stand the feel of rain falling on my face/head and other stuff too. The other issue I think I may be dealing with is Anxiety. I feel very irritable much of the time, I snap at people and lose my cool with my kids.

As far as ADHD stuff though, I mostly struggle with keeping the house together and tidy. Planning and organizing is hard which can make it hard for me to keep on a schedule or stick to a budget. Impulsivity can be an issue for me too. So I run off to do something fun instead of staying home and taking care of things that I need to take care of. I also really have trouble with follow through and consistency especially when it comes to discipline of dd. She is very persistent and I often don't have a strong enough will to enforce rules etc. I also lose track of time and so often find myself still sitting at my computer and surfing the web endlessly instead of doing better things like playing with my kids.

I just find that frequently I'm not living up to being the kind of parent I want to be. I feel like I'm not patient enough, not present enough. Too lazy.

[heidirk]

Jennifer, first Hugs and Hi! and do not call yourself lazy!

We've all felt that, I think I can speak for everyone. I hope you can get some answers, if only for your own sake, and so you can help your DD.

I know how I felt when I started to realise how much my older son is like me. I think I actually mourned for him for a little.

[waiting2bemommy]

*sticks head in*

for whatever reason I'm picking up an internet signal today so....hi everybody!!!

money problems...BIG money problems, and a constantly messy house are driving my family to the breaking point.In fact, I really need to go clean up right now.....

how's everyone doing with the whole back to school thing? ds is going to preschool 3 days a week andI'm determined to use that as impetus to keep a schedule and routine going. anyone with me?

[mamabohl]

Originally Posted by junipermuse

I just find that frequently I'm not living up to being the kind of parent I want to be. I feel like I'm not patient enough, not present enough. Too lazy.

Wow i know exactly what you're saying right there! I feel the same way. Welcome.

[mamabohl]

waiting... schedule? routine? those words sound so nice but I'm not sure I know the definition, lol.

[applecider]

Jennifer - I totally understand what you are saying. And what sucks is that I and DS1 do SO much better on a schedule/routine. But the thought of having one makes me want to run screaming! But then I run around screaming anyway cause everything is such a mess. So it's a catch 22. I know I need to force myself to do things but I just don't know how. I know it's hard to not label ourselves, but I really think we need to strive to be gentle with ourselves, as we would a friend. Easier said than done, though.

Waiting - sorry about the financial stuff. That is so stressful.

DS1 started K about 3 weeks ago. The beginning was seriously awful. He hated it and would cry and battle with me. I almost thought maybe he wasn't ready. But I met with the teacher and now I feel much better. And even though everyday he says he doesn't want to go and he doesn't like it, I make him go and he usually has a good time.

I am realizing that all of DSs quirks that I thought were just him are maybe more than that. Like Sensory Processing Disorder with maybe a bit of ADD thrown in. I really need to look into getting him evaluated. It was really obvious when we had a little girl from his class over yesterday for about 6 hours. It hurts to think that he is so different and will maybe have a hard time with friends. He was just so obnoxious and he doesn't even realize it!

Anyway, I had a hard week last week. DP works out of town during the week and will be for the foreseeable future. Last week was just tough on me, but I realize that I need to get out of the house everyday, even if just for a walk. And I need to have weekly routines for my sanity so I don't sit around and go crazy.

[applecider]

Oh, smeisnot, did you ever get tested for thyroid stuff?

[smeisnotapirate]

I did!

Turns out that thyroid isn't directly the issue. Also, DS has NO food allergies.

*I* am the one with the food sensitivities and we both have an intestinal parasite. So I'm off dairy, eggs, and oats, DS can eat anything he wants, and we're doing a parasite cleanse. Only one of the meds is contraindicated during breastfeeding, so i'm on hold right now.

It's REALLY good news, but I want pizza.

[applecider]

Sme, where did you go to find out about the parasite? And how did you suspect that something was up with your ds? My ds often says his tummy hurts but it's usually after he eats just about anything. I did have him tested for food sensitivities and there were quite a few. Never thought about the parasite thing. and he hasn't gained weight in like, a year.

[mamabohl]

smeisnotapirate - that sounds really difficult!


DS1 started school Sept. 7th, his choice, starting 3rd grade after being homeschooled for k-2nd. He has been really happy there. He seems to feel picked on and bullied a lot...but I think part of his anxiety problem is feeling attacked by everyone, so I'm not sure how many of those bullies are the real deal. He gets all the work done quickly and says he's bored a lot because it's too easy. I'm wondering if he might be better off in the advanced class, but worried that if he was eligible for that his poor handwriting might get him excluded. Despite those negative things (oh, and the homework, which he hates)...he does really like school. He likes being able to show off his knowledge and take tests (he loves tests, lol...I always did too), I think he likes the schedule and having activities to keep him busy (one problem we had at home was that he can't entertain himself, so he either wanted to me entertain him all day or to play video games and watch TV). It sounds like so far he almost never gets in trouble, but I'm not sure if that will still be the case when the newness wears off. I'm a little ashamed to say I am loving having him in school. I didn't realize how much work he is until he was gone all day. And the house is so much QUIETER! phew.

Dh gets home from Guam tonight, I should go finish cleaning, but I've about used up my burst of "oh crap no more time!" energy, lol.

[waiting2bemommy]

Originally Posted by mamabohl

"oh crap no more time!" energy

I love that, can I please borrow that phrase?

We are getting ready to move....again. The landlord is being a UAV and the neighborhood is the pits, so rather than pay another month's rent here we are strongly considering moving out in the next few weeks. i've been having reservtions ever since my not yet three year old came bursting in the house asking me to roll him a blunt. he doesn't know what that means, obviously, but still.......

So I am PRAYING that we move somewhere that is NOt a month to month lease, so that I can really feel settled in knowing that we will be staying put for at least a couple years.

smee, I'm also curious about your parasite. How did you find out? Ds still weighs the same as he did last year this time, although he is getting taller.

It is becoming apparent that my problem is bigger than ADD, like monumentally bigger....I have been going to counseling and SO is coming with me, which I find really, really helps knowing he has my back. Of course, both of the kids come too even when it's not a family session, because we have no sitter, which makes me feel stupid for dragging the entire family out just to talk about stuff that happened to me twenty years ago, but I can't stop going because I'm teetering on the edge of a total mental breakdown, and I really can't afford to do that right now.

i feel so unstable and it is getting to me because I'm normally a strong person and lately i'm distracted, so irritable that sometimes I have to laugh at myself because I completely snap over the most ridiculous things.......and of course given the opportunity I will sleep 20 hours a day. not exactly mom of the year.

[mamabohl]

how is everyone doing?  With the holidays coming (oh nooooooooo!) I figured I'd bump this up, lol.  So...what's goin on?

[waiting2bemommy]

eh, um....what was the question???

i think that about sums it up.....lol

[junipermuse]

Hey just wanted to pop in again. DD (3.9) was just diagnosed with ADHD as well as SPD and Apraxia. She also seems to have some elements of anxiety and can be extremely oppositional. We're really struggling because A) disciplining her seems to require a level of consistency that is difficult for me to maintain, and B) It seems to require a different style of discipline than I imagined I would use with my children. 

Right now I'm feeling exhausted a lot. My husband has been very grouchy with me today. He has snapped at me for a bunch of things that I'm not doing on purpose and I don't feel like he grasps how hard I'm working. 

I'm actually not feeling particularly stressed about the holidays though. It will be pretty low key here this year so I think that helps. I've actually already bought all the kids presents as well, so I have very little left to do.

[applecider]

Juniper - So sorry about your DH.  I totally know how that is, like they just don't get how much inner turmoil we have and how difficult it is just to get through the day (at least that's the way it feels with my dp).  

I was doing ok, but I'm back to feeling crappy again.  I pretty much know why, last week my older ds was sick so we stayed home from school and everything for 3 whole days.  Whew!  That was enough to drive me totally crazy.  DP works out of town all week and has been since August, I'm so DONE with no adult help!!!!  Plus the gym was closed that week for maintenance...well, frankly I'm surprised I didn't drive off a cliff somewhere!!!

This week should be better, DS is on break so I'm going to stay with my mom for a few days, the gym is open so I plan on going everyday (but am not out of my pjs yet today!).  The washer is broken but I'm taking ALL the laundry to my mom's.  She'll help me fold it!  ;)  

I don't know, I just have a love/hate relationship with the holidays.  I love shopping for my own kids and I love the cookie baking and decorating, but I HATE having to shop for the rest of the family.  It is SO overwhelming, I'm thinking of next year saying hey, don't get me anything cause I'm not doing gifts this year!  Do you think that would be bad?  I mean, I hate going around buying crap that adults could just buy for themselves.  Here you go MIL, that nightgown you asked for.  I mean, come on.  Here you go mom, that spatula you needed.  It's just silly and I hate shopping.

DP and I started counseling so I hope that is going to be helpful.  And I am reading a couple of good books right now, I just need to put them into practice...mostly about positive affirmations and focusing on what I want in my life and for my kids.  It's so hard to replace those negative thoughts that I've had for SO long.  What I really want is more of a support group, where could I find something like that?

Hope you all are doing better than me this time of year!!!

OH yeah, this is cody'smomma, I changed my username!

Edited by applecider - 12/21/10 at 7:21am

[heidirk]

Junipermuse- I may have some ideas for you if you mind sharing. DS1 has some speech issues and I finally am having him evaluated for

ADD in January.   Anyway, I have some practical tips for dealing with a kid who hyperfocuses, ca't hear you unless you touch him, and is impulsive and hyperactive. :hugs

applecider- you might ask your counsellor for ideas on that. I know there are support groups for some types of psychological and emotion recovery.

I am actually weathering the holidays pretty well this year. 'course i've been on anti-depressants for almost a year now..  Hrmmm...

Hopefully after New year's we can finally file bankruptcy, and move forward with my schooling. I have not gotten anywhere with that. Or with finding work. Oh well.....

[heidirk]

Hello everyone. Bumping this to see if anyone is still interested.

I miss you all. I've gotten all wrapped up in another messge board and my blog- which is tons of fun- and a little esoteric (who me?) :lol

anyhow. I am going to be checking in here again.

DS1 is on the waiting list for the local chapter of the Center for Autism. DS2 is talking and using the potty! :O

Craziness. DH had a bad episode right after the new year, but it resulted in some amazing changes, adn I have to say I am enjoying Him once again.

ok, so here I am....  :)

H

[Nobody123]

Oh my goodness am I happy to stumble upon this thread.  I feel like I've found my people!

My name is Tricia.  Long time reader, first time poster.  I recently read an article about adult ADD and took a little quiz attached and found that I connected with each and every symptom.   Right down to my messy car!  I can't even believe that is a symptom of anything at all.  I don't know if I feel validated, relieved, concerned, a mix of everything?

Obviously, I am undiagnosed.  I would love to hear more about how people got diagnosed and what sort of treatments worked.  I have always felt like something was "off" with me.  I specifically remember my third grade teacher used to call me "Fish Eyes" because I was always zoning out and staring off into space.  She actually advised my parents to have me evaluated for a seizure disorder.  I had an EEG, but it was inconclusive because no one explained to me what was going on, I was scared out of my wits, and couldn't fall asleep for the sleeping part.  The part that worked looked normal, so my parents just went with that, and dismissed it.  Now I have a two year old with a real seizure disorder, and I can't help wondering if I had it too?  Or was it ADD?

Yeah, so this isn't a thread about seizures, but the zoning out is a constant thing for me.  I could be sitting, reading a book, and suddenly realize I haven't actually absorbed the last three paragraphs, even though I'm going through the motions.  I can tune people out like no one's business. 

It's typical for me to be washing dishes, remember an email I have to send, and walk off to the computer to work on the email, leaving the water running and everything.  It would be funny if it were happening to someone else! :lol

My biggest issue, at the moment, is taking on too much.  My volunteer work (Girl Scout leader, treasurer, PTA, massive commitment to school programs) has me hyperventilating lately.  Especially this month, as everything is wrapping up, so all my months of procrastinating are coming back to haunt me.  I can't sleep at night because my mind is spinning with all I have to do, and yet all day, I can't seem to get ahead.  I have company coming this weekend for Easter, and my house... oy!

I actually DO have moments where I am clear headed and I can do amazing things, but it's usually when there's no time left, so I have no choice.  But if I can focus and manage during those times, why can't I do it on a regular day?  These are the thoughts that fill me with self doubt.  I feel so good about myself when I actually accomplish something, but most of the time I feel like a slug.  I recently had to take on a part time job too, so that has been...challenging, to say the least.

Anyway, I just couldn't let this post slip away

[heidirk]

Welcome Tricia! 

yeah- messy car here too!!! 

My biggest issue, at the moment, is taking on too much. 

 um... YES!!!  lol  oh gees, I mean talk about doublescheduling stuff- I've had people show up at my house that I wasn't expecting, and then someone else showed up too!!  I DID invite them, I had just forgotten.   I can't imagine what it feels like to have me asa irl friend, and be forgotten. :( 

afa getting diagnosed, It hink if ou make an appointment with a care provider and ask about aDD you'll be taken seriously. We have a fear I think- of not being believed, but really- we know ourselves better than anyone else, yk?

H