My baby is never happy. - Page 2

[mrs.t]

I just wanted to thank everyone for all the replies. It really helps to know I'm not alone! I felt like such a horrible mother, especially during those moments when I wish I could get away from my DS. I never expected to feel like that about my own baby! I just hope things get better sooner than later.

[lach]

Originally Posted by mrs.t

I just wanted to thank everyone for all the replies. It really helps to know I'm not alone! I felt like such a horrible mother, especially during those moments when I wish I could get away from my DS. I never expected to feel like that about my own baby! I just hope things get better sooner than later.

It will!

Just remember that at this stage, it's all about whatever works. I don't know what sort of pre-baby expectations and deal-breakers you had... but let's just say that you would not be the only new mother who looks back and laughs at her initial belief that pacifiers, swings, bouncy chairs, sleeping the carseat, etc would never EVER be in her repetoire.

I'd also like to say that even though I would obviously not recommend CIO, abandonment, ignoring your child's needs, etc... if you are feeling like you are at an absolute breaking point and like you are about to hurt either yourself or the baby, the absolute best thing you can do is walk away for a few minutes to regroup. There is nothing wrong with that, and it does not make you a bad mother. Actually throwing your baby out the window makes you a bad mother: standing under a hot shower for 5 minutes instead of throwing the baby out of the window means that you know your limits. Even Doctor Sears says that your baby will be fine.

Hopefully things won't come to that for you, but you would not be the first nor will you be the last mother for whom stress, sleep deprivation, and a high needs baby combined to create a precarious (even momentarily) mental health situation.

[nicole528]

Hi! I didn't have a chance to read all the replys and from my past experience with MDC, I'm sure you have received some of the best advice you could have. I just wanted to chime in and tell you I went through the exact same experience with my DD, who is now 6 months. I had numerous break-downs and remember saying "why is she so unhappy". But through it all, I continued to do the best I could to meet her needs (and she was needy!). I remember she went through multiple 'growth spurts' and would cry none stop for about two days and then she would be a little easier. At around 10 weeks old, she was a little more comfortable in the 'outside' world and I was able to put her down briefly. After that, every week got easier and easier and now she sits up on her own and plays by herself and smiles and laughs all the time. I found MDC to be the best support group ever and after reading and posted, I just felt better and stronger (almost like a recharge) to meet my LO's needs. Just remember, you're not alone and things do get easier!
p.s We discovered the 'Miracle Blanket' which helped us a lot too when DD was about 11 weeks (wish I had it for when she was a newborn). It's just a fancy swaddle blanket, but really helped DD feel better.
p.p.s. I bet in a months from now, you will be responding to a post from a new mom, tellling her that you went through a similar situation and things get much easier with time! Good Luck!!!

-Nicole (mama to DD 11/09)

[boobs4milk]

my baby doesn't even sleep well at night, no one can hold her but me, the slightest noises wake her, she only sleeps on me, she screams when i put her down, etc. my dd1 and dd3 were the same. i think they just hate being a baby stuck in a body that doesn't do what they want. for me, it got better once they were able to communicate and move around. dd1 was an early talker/walker, but dd3 didn't walk until 16 mos. i'd say it got markedly better around that time because i got pg (with my angel) when dd3 started to walk!

hugs, it does get better but it does take some kids longer than others. i'm sooo over the infant stage that when we adopt, i want a 2-3 yr old as opposed to an infant because i d k if i can handle another infant!

[Grace and Granola]

My second son was like this too. Cried at least 8 hours per day, but strangely slept well at night. The doctors just kept telling me it was "colic." We tried reflux med and they did nothing. It turns out he had a dairy allergy. We also used probiotics. He was finally a normal baby around 3 months. I hope you can figure out what's going on with your baby. It is SO hard. But you are not doing anything wrong. Hang in there!

[wombatclay]

BIG hugs.

Lots of good advice! Kellymom has wonderful breastfeeding advice (I have oversupply, it causes problems for the first month or three). If you feed with artificial baby milk, try other varieties to see if that makes a difference. Books like The Happiest Baby, No Cry Sleep Solution, the Dr Sears High Needs Baby Book, etc are great as well!

In my case, dd1 was high needs but it was managable. DD2 though was off the charts. She cried, screamed, sobbed, etc if I wasn't holding her. And it was 24/7. DH couldn't hold her, strangers (friends and relatives even) couldn't get near her without screams from day one. Eventually we learned that dd2 has Sensory Processing Disorder. Basically, children with this disorder need either more or less stimuli in order to process things "normally". So a child might need absolute silence (not even the hum of a light or fridge) to focus or they may need extra auditory stimuli (perhaps music, or lots of ambient noise) to achieve the same focus. It can affect any sense (including your sense of where you are in space). A child who needs a lot of visual or auditory stimuli might find the "indoor home" setting deeply disturbing/confusing, or a child who needs extra physical stimuli may need to be carried in order to have enough input to figure out "where they are".

Anyway, it was a real battle to get a diagnosis because people kept saying "it's normal" and her behavior was always so different when we were "out". People thought I was exagerating. So eventually I had DH tape us and showed the tape to our ped. That got an immediate response of "OH! No, that's not normal" and a referal to our EI program (a free therapy program for young children). Check out the Sensory Processing resources (like this, or the book The Out of Sync Child or Raising a Sensory Smart Child) and see if they might fit. There is also a SPD thread here at mdc.

It may just be that you have an intense and determined little one, or they may have an extra "oomph" from something like SPD. I know my dd2 (and the whole family) benefitted from her diagnosis and treatment... fingers crossed you find a similar happy ending!

[rhiOrion]

how are you doing mrs t? we're starting to have more good days over here

[Kmama2]

Another vote for it will get better! My son was super fussy, always crying, needing to be held etc till probably 4-5 months. Then he figured out how to army/ inch room crawl and now at 7 months is is such a happy guy, he sleeps alot better, is even starting to take a nap longer than 20 min, and entertains himself for good chunks of time. Hang on!!! 6-12 months is my fav age for babies. They smile, laugh, and are just so lovable. It will get better.
Check out the happiest baby on the block and just keep doing what keeps baby the most content. For ds is wasn't a bounce or sway it was a up down lunge type of movement.

[mrs.t]

Wow! Thank you everyone for the replies! It feels so good to know I'm not alone. Things seems to be slowly improving...some days are hard but other days are ok. It seems like as long as we go out and do a few things he's ok. Staying in the house is a no-no, which is hard for me and DH because we are total homebodies, but I'm just trying to adapt to what DS wants or else the house is turned upside down anyway! We've been doing a lot of walks and car rides, and I'm finding that he does cry for reasons...most of the time it's hunger, and even though I thought he couldn't possibly be hungry if I put him to the breast he would eat, so I fed him. This translates to 11-12 feeds a day sometimes, but if it keeps me sane and him happy I guess it's what we need.

[karika]

Glad it is better. Boobie is always a good thing to try first. My 17 mo is on my breasts every hour or so while awake. This is an average. Sometimes it is 2 hours and sometimes she snacks a bit every 30 min... I just keep them available all the time and she nurses from a few minutes to an hour. DD1 was longer between feeds, they are all different, but they are the expert on what they need. Let the baby suckle as long as they want and as often as they want (not a time thing, just go until they pop off on their own). Offer the boob first at that age. This will keep the baby very healthy and your supply will be perfect for the baby's ever changing needs.

[jsh7809]

I second (third?) the foremilk/ hindmilk imbalance. My DD was getting tons of foremilk and very little hindmilk due to my huge supply and intense letdown. Lots of gulping, lots of gas, and an unhappy baby who wanted to nurse all of the time but wasn't getting a comfortable full tummy
We found a GREAT LC that has helped a lot. We have very few fully stomach spit ups now and the fussiness has been better. She also is comfort nursing less - that may be because she'll take a pacifier now, but I think that might be because she is having better nursing sessions. Who knows.
The thing is - a week ago, I was ready to give up (although how, I'm not sure... I just felt at the end of my rope!). A few days later, we saw a BIG improvement all around. Then yesterday, she started fussing and crying a ton again and today has been pretty miserable.
So I am back to driving myself crazy trying to figure out if it was something I ate, if I'm producing too much milk, if she's hot/cold/gassy/etc... am I feeding her too much? Too little? And I'm losing my intuition and just end up getting exhausted and distracted from what she is telling me which is that she wants ALL of my energy and attention. Ugh.
Fussing and crying is so exhausting, I hope you're getting a break. It helps me indefinitely to read and hear over and over and over again that it will get better!