Strangers with kids-wwyd?

[Raine822]

We took our DDs to the zoo yesterday. DD1 is 20 months old. There are many kids activities at this zoo (tunnels to crawl through, things to climb on, slides ect.). Many other parents with older children just allowed their kids to push past DD, stand in front of her ect. It was very frustrating that DD could not see/do many things because of these kids.

For example: They have a tunnel that goes under the stingray tank to see them from underneath. The bigger kids would just push in front of DD to get in and the parents would say nothing. They were also coming back out the entrance so DD could not go in. Also, at exhibits with glass fronts DD did not want to go right up to the glass. Other kids would go right in front of her so she could not see.

All day long many of the parents never corrected their children. They would just watch as these kids did these things. WWYD in this situation? I tried to keep my temper in check but we paid for DD to enjoy the zoo like everyone else.

[Raine822]

Oh, the other one I forgot to mention was when we arrived DH took DD2 in the elevator and I took DD1 on the escalator. Some woman walked up and took DDs other hand and started talking to her like I would. I don't like to make a scene but I found this very inappropriate.

[Ravensong13]

I deal with this a lot in public. It seems like when some kids reach a certain age, their parents stop correcting behavior. I've taken to asking the older kids to play nice or stop pushing etc. I figure if they are pushing and possibly hurting my dd I'm going to say something. If dd ever pushes another child in public, I make her say sorry and apologize to the child as well. It's not hard, it doesn't take long, so why can't more people do this? I know a friend of mine let's her dd do these things to other kids and does not step in. She says she wants her dd to learn to handle it for herself. I guess it has to do with differing parenting styles?
As for the stranger taking your dd's hand..... that's out of line in my book. I'd be really weirded out and say something like, " We don't touch strangers" or I'd just pick dd up. That's just creepy.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by Raine822

Oh, the other one I forgot to mention was when we arrived DH took DD2 in the elevator and I took DD1 on the escalator. Some woman walked up and took DDs other hand and started talking to her like I would. I don't like to make a scene but I found this very inappropriate.

That would have FREAKED me out. And I'm normally quite relaxed about Lina going up to hold hands, asking for hugs, etc, etc. What you describe sounds to me like testing the waters for a kidnapping attempt. Seriously. There is no reason to get right next to a stranger on an escalator and no reason to hold their child's other hand.

[sapphire_chan]

As for the undisciplined older children getting in the way, I'll call out "EXCUSE US, BABY COMING THROUGH" and also get right in their face (well, really, squat down to their level so they can't help but see and hear me) with "you need to go the other way, this is the entrance"

I'll also just get in the way, like help dd into the tunnel and then block it until she's done. Part of that is coincidental because I'm squatting down where we can see each other and am wearing a bulky backpack. I'll let kids who say "excuse me" get by, but it gives me a chance to say "please be careful of the baby". Just the act of slowing them down tends to make older kids more mindful.

I've never had another parent complain about any of this, but if they did I'd apologize and say it's because my dd is so little and that I KNOW they wouldn't want their LO hurting a BABY.

[mattemma04]

Many times I would just leave. I try to go to these type places during off times,so crowds are not a big issue. I have tried the look,glare,saying excuse me to the children while explaining what they were doing was inappropriate behavior. I would tell my own children LOUDLY to not push/cut/crowd the other children...in hopes that it would trigger something in the other kids/parents.Rarely does. Some people just don't care.

If my kids did HALF of what I see other children doing they would not be going out in public for a long time.As is we rarely go out now due to money,and I always hope no one ruins our day.If I see something start up I will try to get the kids away before they even notice there is a problem.I used to get so upset and rant,but now I just walk away and hope we can get back to certain spots when the crowds die down.

[mattemma04]

I would not want anyone taking my childs hand.That was out of line for the lady to do.

[tanyam926]

We go out a lot and when this happens I just nicely ask the kids to slow down and be careful of the baby, or go the other way, etc. No big deal.

No one has ever gotten offended and if they did I would try and explain that I am trying to prevent my lo from getting mowed down by all the excited kids.

BTW, I wouldn't mind another parent politely asking my boys to settle down and be careful around their lo either.

[r&mmommy]

Originally Posted by Raine822

Oh, the other one I forgot to mention was when we arrived DH took DD2 in the elevator and I took DD1 on the escalator. Some woman walked up and took DDs other hand and started talking to her like I would. I don't like to make a scene but I found this very inappropriate.

Oh my gosh! I would have said something to the woman. How bizarre she thought she could do that.
Older kids - this is one of my pet peeves. It seems that as soon as children get to a certain age, they are on their own. We went to a spray ground last year and the big kids just ran roughshod over the little ones. No one said anything, but that could have been because they were too busy on their cell phones We were even told to avoid our local indoor water park because of "rogue" kids.

[Raine822]

That is exactly how it seemed-these kids were mostly 5-8 years old but the parents were letting them completely on their own.

Two parents even allowed/encouraged their kids to just walk in front of my lo. It boggles my mind that they even feel the need to be in front of her because they can see right over her head.

I made such efforts to make sure DD was respectful of others but I feel bad that she does not get the same in return.

[kittywitty]

I am always nearby to say "excuse me" for my kids. Usually if there's a parent right there, the kids won't shove through. When they are persistent, I stand my ground so they can't push through or we just move to something else and come back. I don't like confrontation, though, so it depends on my mood.

[limabean]

The stuff up at the glass wouldn't have bothered me -- I would expect that other kids would want to get right up next to it, so if my DD didn't I would just pick her up so that she could see over the heads of the kids who did.

The other stuff is really frustrating at that age -- I've experienced that too. I try to find a good balance between not letting DD hold up older kids with more abilities than her, and not letting them completely steamroll her. It's tough.

Unfortunately, it doesn't necessarily improve as the kids get older. I had an experience at Disneyland recently where my 5yo DS and I got to the Jedi Training Academy like 15 minutes early so we could get a spot right up front, and 4 different families waltzed up after it started and blatantly told their kids (who were 7-9) to sit right in front of my DS. And then 3 of those kids got chosen to participate, but my DS didn't because the trainers couldn't see him behind all those other kids.

[One_Girl]

I used to go through the tunnels with me when dd was young. I would have freaked out at someone else touching my baby.

[Jessy1019]

If your daughter wouldn't go right up to the tank, I could certainly see walking in front of her . . . that's prime space, and why should it just remain open if no one is in it?

The rest is rude, and I would have (politely) asked the kids to be careful/watch out. If they didn't listen, I would have made a loud comment about obnoxious, unsupervised brats.

Did your little one look unsteady on the escalator? That just seems like a weird thing for a stranger to do!

[Raine822]

No, not unsteady at all. DH took all the bags ect. with him so I could put my full attention on DD. She never said a word to me-just to DD.

[Annie Mac]

As a short person, I can tell you that this behaviour of jostling to the front and standing in front of other people so they can't see does not stop with the arrival of adulthood. I think a lot of times people (probably me too on occasion) are so self-absorbed, they don't stop and look around them and consider the experiences/feelings of others. I agree that the parents should correct the children, but they probably were so busy just watching their own kids they didn't even really see yours. I don't know what to do about it. Sad.

The hand-holding thing was out of line. I'm not sure what I would have done. You want to be assertive but not rude. Yikes.

[mamadelbosque]

The glass thing is common sense - if your kid was standing back from the glass, then yeah, others are going to walk infront. If you want to make sure she can see (but she doesn't want to be upfront), then pick her up.

I too tended to go in the tunnels right behind ds1 when he was that age and couldn't fend for himself as it were... squeezing past me was a lot harder and forced kids to do two things: a - wait patiently for their turn and b - go on through to the 'exit' vs turning around and coming out the in.

The escalator thing would have wigged me out... lady would have gotten a flat 'who are you? why are you touching my child?? screw off'

[Raine822]

I should have also explained that in front of the glass DD was not very far away. Only about 12 inches or less. The other kids were squeezing into this small space-not just walking in front.

I did follow DD into the tunnels but trying to get in was a hassle.

[velochic]

Originally Posted by limabean

The stuff up at the glass wouldn't have bothered me -- I would expect that other kids would want to get right up next to it, so if my DD didn't I would just pick her up so that she could see over the heads of the kids who did.

The other stuff is really frustrating at that age -- I've experienced that too. I try to find a good balance between not letting DD hold up older kids with more abilities than her, and not letting them completely steamroll her. It's tough.

I agree. If my child didn't want up next to the glass, I wouldn't expect other kids to just allow her a line-of-sight. They are excited, too, and want to get close. That, I don't think is rude.

The woman taking my child's hand... weird. I would have picked up the kiddo and said something to the woman, trying to be polite, but direct.

In the tunnels/activity areas... I can see both sides. A little one just standing around impeding the other kids from playing vs. the older kids having consideration for the younger children.

I agree that it would be nice if all of the older kids would watch out and be polite. It would be nice if the parents were all watching their kids diligently no matter the age to make sure they are treating all of the kids with respect. Unfortunately, this just isn't the case. The older kids are excited, too, and probably not really thinking about others in that state of exuberance. When they're really, really excited, an 8 yo can act like a 2 yo when it comes to impulse control. They have it in check more often than not, sure, but they can still sometimes leap before looking. Get a bunch of them together and...

Having said that, I would be watching my dd(8) more than necessary and she would be careful with the little or she would leave (and in fact, she loves babies and toddlers, so she'd be the kid helping the baby out, not barreling past them). Then again, in another thread with a different topic, that watchfulness would get me the label "Helicopter Parent". Most parents would not be watching their 8 yo/5 yo/10 yo so closely to see that in their excitement, they are not having adequate regard for a toddler that is sharing their environment. They may seem like they're "watching", but they're probably just zoning out. At least a person can hope that they are not seeing blatant rudeness and completely ignoring it.

I can see it both ways. It would, however, be nice if all kids were perfectly mannered and always thought of others, including small children, and parents knew exactly when these things were not happening and could intervene. If there were particularly rough kids, I would not hesitate to say to the kids, "Please watch out, there is a toddler here. Please let her have her turn/get through the tunnel/get to see the animal/etc."

[Heavenly]

When you have just young children sometimes I think it is easy to view the bigger kids as pushy/behaving badly/rude when really they are just being kids. Now that my kids are older I come in contact with people who's oldest child is under 3 who expect my kids to just stay out of the way and let their child through because they are younger? Why? My children paid to get in as well. Why would the children need to stay away from the glass when your child was not going up to it? I would have encouraged my child to go up as well. In regards to the tunnels I agree the parents should have pointed out the child that your child needs a turn too but if your little one was hanging back then maybe they assumed your child was scared or not going and figured why should their child sit around and wait until your child decided to go. I think you would be surprised how receptive 5-8 year old children would be if you just talked to them nicely, instead of assuming they are being rude. Most kids really are good kids and if you said to them nicely, "Hey guys my little girl would like a turn to get through, could you guys go ahead of her and show her how do it?" they would likely be happy to take her under their wing.