Strangers with kids-wwyd? - Page 2

[Keeta]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

When you have just young children sometimes I think it is easy to view the bigger kids as pushy/behaving badly/rude when really they are just being kids. Now that my kids are older I come in contact with people who's oldest child is under 3 who expect my kids to just stay out of the way and let their child through because they are younger? Why? My children paid to get in as well. Why would the children need to stay away from the glass when your child was not going up to it? I would have encouraged my child to go up as well. In regards to the tunnels I agree the parents should have pointed out the child that your child needs a turn too but if your little one was hanging back then maybe they assumed your child was scared or not going and figured why should their child sit around and wait until your child decided to go. I think you would be surprised how receptive 5-8 year old children would be if you just talked to them nicely, instead of assuming they are being rude. Most kids really are good kids and if you said to them nicely, "Hey guys my little girl would like a turn to get through, could you guys go ahead of her and show her how do it?" they would likely be happy to take her under their wing.

As the mother to a VERY sweet but VERY exuberant and physical almost-4-yr-old, I totally understand the other point of view. I always remind my DS to be careful of littles and to take turns, but especially now that I have DS2 (3 month old) I cannot literally watch DS every second. He is EXTREMELY sweet and would never ever deliberately hurt or be rude to another kid, but he's also super excited and has a tendency towards bull-in-the-china-shop behavior. Should I be required to keep him at home or hound him every second of his life because of his energy level? I'm not really buying it. Of course blatant rude behavior shouldn't be tolerated, but normal kids-will-be-kids behavior has a place, even if they are older. Particularly when kids get into little groups I think they lose a sense of their other surroundings and are just trying to keep up with their pack. You have to choose to either advocate for your preverbal kid or let her work it out for herself (obviously if there is physical danger it's different, but it didn't really sound that way).

[plunky]

Originally Posted by Raine822

We took our DDs to the zoo yesterday. DD1 is 20 months old. There are many kids activities at this zoo (tunnels to crawl through, things to climb on, slides ect.). Many other parents with older children just allowed their kids to push past DD, stand in front of her ect. It was very frustrating that DD could not see/do many things because of these kids.

For example: They have a tunnel that goes under the stingray tank to see them from underneath. The bigger kids would just push in front of DD to get in and the parents would say nothing. They were also coming back out the entrance so DD could not go in. Also, at exhibits with glass fronts DD did not want to go right up to the glass. Other kids would go right in front of her so she could not see.

All day long many of the parents never corrected their children. They would just watch as these kids did these things. WWYD in this situation? I tried to keep my temper in check but we paid for DD to enjoy the zoo like everyone else.

I wonder if you're talking about the Pittsburgh zoo? If not, there's a place exactly like it there. With my DD, who is about the same age as yours...I really have a different take on it. If there were zero other children there, I'd encourage her more to go in the tunnel and really take her time...but she was pretty hesitant to do so. The older children (who I really think it was more designed for) were running through and zipping around and so on. Since DD didn't really care and didn't want to use the tunnel as intended, I didn't see any reason to force the situation.

In a year or six months or whatever, she'll be the kid zipping through there.

[Raine822]

Yes, it is the Pittsburgh zoo. DD was not taking long or hesitant of the tunnels though. She went right through. I don't think I am describing well what I mean. The trouble was just getting her into the tunnel because there was no respect for everyone getting a turn from some parents. For example, I made DD wait for several children who were there first to enter, another child who just arrived was walked BY HER MOTHER right to the front and led in with others waiting. NONE of the parents who were waiting patiently said anything so I kept my temper too.

I didn't mean to imply this was all the parents/kids but there were maybe 3-4 times where older kids were being pushy. And the one incident with the adult(2nd post).

I guess I should have made my OP more clear. What I was trying to figure out is if others would speak up or just let it go. As DD gets older I don't want her to think that being pushy is OK or that it is OK to let yourself get pushed around.

[plunky]

Originally Posted by Raine822

Yes, it is the Pittsburgh zoo. DD was not taking long or hesitant of the tunnels though. She went right through. I don't think I am describing well what I mean. The trouble was just getting her into the tunnel because there was no respect for everyone getting a turn from some parents. For example, I made DD wait for several children who were there first to enter, another child who just arrived was walked BY HER MOTHER right to the front and led in with others waiting. NONE of the parents who were waiting patiently said anything so I kept my temper too.

Ah. Well this would annoy me, but I would probably not say something unless DD really wanted to go in the tunnel. For my kid, there was a lot to see in the aquarium that she was more interested in than the rays. If I were to say something it would probably be pointing the line out to people who were not waiting. But really, I wouldn't wait in line to go through that tunnel unless DD really wanted to go. It looks like older kids have a lot of fun in there when they can kind of zoom around with abandon. I don't tend to go to the zoo unless I can get there within an hour or two of it opening (not when it's going to be crowded).

I got much more annoyed at parents in the Aviary where the penguins are. Lots of people setting up strollers between the tunnel and the chairs.

I didn't mean to imply this was all the parents/kids but there were maybe 3-4 times where older kids were being pushy. And the one incident with the adult(2nd post).

I have not yet encountered a scenario where I had to intervene to protect DD from an older pushy kid. I try to stay hands off and let the kids deal with things themselves. The flip side of this is that I don't really impede DD if she is protective about what she's playing with.

I guess I should have made my OP more clear. What I was trying to figure out is if others would speak up or just let it go. As DD gets older I don't want her to think that being pushy is OK or that it is OK to let yourself get pushed around.

I completely agree with this. Many children, especially girls, are taught to just give up toys if another child wants to play or to give way to let others through while not getting much of a turn themselves. Fighting that tendency is a good idea. But again, I don't know that I agree that this particular tunnel is a good example. My DD is very mobile, loves tunnels, loves slides, etc, but sometimes she doesn't move at the pace that those older kids do yet. And I'm talking 3-5 year olds who can quickly transition from not-in-the-tunnel to in-the-tunnel. Given that there's so many other distractions at the zoo, it's easy to just point her towards something else that she can interact with more fully.

[pianojazzgirl]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

When you have just young children sometimes I think it is easy to view the bigger kids as pushy/behaving badly/rude when really they are just being kids. Now that my kids are older I come in contact with people who's oldest child is under 3 who expect my kids to just stay out of the way and let their child through because they are younger? Why? My children paid to get in as well. Why would the children need to stay away from the glass when your child was not going up to it? I would have encouraged my child to go up as well. In regards to the tunnels I agree the parents should have pointed out the child that your child needs a turn too but if your little one was hanging back then maybe they assumed your child was scared or not going and figured why should their child sit around and wait until your child decided to go. I think you would be surprised how receptive 5-8 year old children would be if you just talked to them nicely, instead of assuming they are being rude. Most kids really are good kids and if you said to them nicely, "Hey guys my little girl would like a turn to get through, could you guys go ahead of her and show her how do it?" they would likely be happy to take her under their wing.

Pretty much exactly what I was going to post.

As for the stranger grabbing your dd's hand!?! Wow, that's just nuts! I would have picked her up and given the lady a glare. Weird....

[limabean]

Originally Posted by Raine822

What I was trying to figure out is if others would speak up or just let it go. As DD gets older I don't want her to think that being pushy is OK or that it is OK to let yourself get pushed around.

I would speak up in cases like you described in your most recent post. Nothing shaming, just a simple, "Whoops, lets let the kids who were waiting have a turn, thanks!"

[bluebirdiemama]

I will be back here to read responses! because I never know what to do in this situation.

[beckyand3littlemonsters]

If my children were pushing past a toddler or any other small child for that matter i would tell them not to because it isn't nice and the other child could get hurt from pushing, i'd also tell them they should let let the smaller child go in front of them.

[laohaire]

Yeah, I hear ya. We were at the Children's Museum in Boston recently, and the pattern we noticed mostly was parents who were involved and interested and verbally correcting their children, but who did not escalate any issues.

For example, there is a place where a child can stand and pull on a rope to lift a huge bubble around themselves. Making such a big bubble requires a good amount of patience and dexterity, but there was this 7 year old girl who was doing a pretty good job. But this 3 year old boy would stick his finger into it everytime she had it going a foot or so high. I totally understand the 3 year old's impulse of course. The father was there and would tell his son "don't stick your finger in" but that was that. This happened about 5 times before the girl gave up. It seems parents of our generation (and this is only one example of many) only have one level of discipline: gentle verbal cues. And that's great, but when it doesn't work, they don't change their tactics, they just repeat (and kid learns to ignore). For my kid, I would have taken her hand and moved her a bit out of the temptation zone, you know? That's gentle AND effective.

It's hard when parents don't work with each other and their kids to let everybody have a good time. So far all I do is move on if it doesn't seem like DD can have a good time doing something. I certainly would not feel comfortable interfering with the 3 year old popping the bubble, especially with his father right there (but not even if he wasn't), so I just moved us along to the next exhibit. When DD is older, I can encourage her to speak up for herself but also ultimately I guess we all learn we're not guaranteed cooperation from others.

Ah, the yearly Easter egg hunt is another good example. IMHO, that is NOT a good time - so we avoid those

[meemee]

i would gently speak up. because a lot of the older kids are not even aware of what they are doing in their excitement. and as a parent of an older child i would probably think you are hanging back because your child is scared.

you know its interesting the lady holding your dd's hand. living in california that would not freak me out at all. for many here it is a cultural thing and i kinda enjoy someone else really paying attention to my dd. in fact when seh was a toddler my v. social dd would follow someone she liked around. and i would tell that person to ask dd to go with them and to their shock dd would wave bye bye to me and want to go with them. i felt safe around them. i did not feel freaked out at all. i wonder if the lady thougth your dd was scared and so was encouraging her to go on. if that was her intention.

i guess its teh vibe that makes the difference.

however where we are there are seperate easter egg hunts so that the toddlers go first and find the easy ones.

yeah there is a lot of pushing and excitement with the older ones.

also there are parks here which is more friendly to older kids. some of them play rough and dont mean to hurt little children but the little ones get in their way. i have never really said anything because my dd looooooooooved older kids and followed them around. some ran away and ignored her and some included her for a little while in their play.

[berry987]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

When you have just young children sometimes I think it is easy to view the bigger kids as pushy/behaving badly/rude when really they are just being kids. Now that my kids are older I come in contact with people who's oldest child is under 3 who expect my kids to just stay out of the way and let their child through because they are younger? Why? My children paid to get in as well. Why would the children need to stay away from the glass when your child was not going up to it? I would have encouraged my child to go up as well. In regards to the tunnels I agree the parents should have pointed out the child that your child needs a turn too but if your little one was hanging back then maybe they assumed your child was scared or not going and figured why should their child sit around and wait until your child decided to go. I think you would be surprised how receptive 5-8 year old children would be if you just talked to them nicely, instead of assuming they are being rude. Most kids really are good kids and if you said to them nicely, "Hey guys my little girl would like a turn to get through, could you guys go ahead of her and show her how do it?" they would likely be happy to take her under their wing.

I totally agree. I remember, when DS1 was a new toddler being irritated by older kids a lot at the park, etc. I just figured they should know better than jump down the slide in front of a toddler, etc. And most parents would say a half-hearted "Oh, the baby was first" to their kids...and that didn't seem like enough. But now that my kids are "older" (5.5, 3.5 and 1) I see that 5 year olds are still VERY young and are just trying to enjoy themselves. Kids that age are all over the place, moving, playing, jumping and it is just a part of things that they get in way, bump into others, etc. and as a parent, you could literally spend your whole day saying "watch out!" "be careful" "let them go first" etc. Not that outwardly rude behavior should be accepted, but the occasional butt in line...well, sometimes you just have to let them be.

So, as a parent who used to get annoyed with 5 year olds because I thought they were big and loud and getting in the way...well, now I have one.

[Latte Mama]

Good topic! I was at the zoo this past weekend and I saw examples of both attentive and inattentive parenting. Yes I had to watch out for the older kids that would "bulldoze" but it was also nice to hear some of the parents say things like "watch out for the baby".

Also nice when one lady and her 4 kids who had a prime spot right up front at the lions exhibit (and there were cubs!) opened up a little path for me and DS and told us to come up so we could see .

When we go to the park I always have to watch out that DS doesn't get trampled but there are always those kids that are protective of him too. I figure they must have little siblings at home .

[Lady Mayapple]

"Pushy kids"- Unless they actually caused physical harm to my kids, I wouldn't say anything. I guess I'm used to the roughhousing with two boys around their baby sister. However, I also get annoyed at inattentive parenting and I'm not afraid to speak up if the situation warrants a response. Our local park has two separate playgrounds-one for the 0-5 group and KidzTown for the older children. The park is a hot spot on the weekends for out-of-towners coming to the park for bridal/baby/whatever showers and parties of every kind. I know that if we visit on a Friday evening, Saturday or Sunday, I'm going to have to ask some 12 or 14 year old kid who thinks its funny to ride around on the tricycles to go to the "big kids" area or else I'm calling park security.

Weird lady on the elevator-Wow....I've never had this happen so I dont know how I would react! I would probably flip!